Damn You, Netflix

All I wanted to do was watch one simple little movie with my husband on date night.

Is that too much to ask?

But no, you had to pop up all these shows with their awesome pictures and their epic plot lines.

Damn it.

Now we have to find time between school, work, and a clingy-as-all-getout baby to watch two and a half seasons of Supernatural by next Thursday before the episodes are timed out on BBC, or we have to wait 'till next season to watch them on your platform.

Greedy little...

And don't even get me STARTED on Stranger Things — you just haaad to make something that everyone loves, but my husband won't start with me until it's FOR SURE done, so we're not trying to keep up with yet another series.

I can't even watch these things on my own! I mean, watching a series without your partner has been compared to adultery. Adultery. So heaven help me if I sneak five minutes and find out the next, "Luke I am your father," moment, because I can't keep a poker face worth crap.

And another thing; did you have to let My Little Pony on? I mean, I know it's supposed to be for kids, but it's got some hilariously presented life lessons, let me tell you that. Not to mention that I'm pretty sure my 11-month-old has a crush on Rainbow Dash.

I even started watching Dragons: Race to the Edge with my little sister, and boy, that girl can binge. If I'm not 110% ready for five hours worth of 20 minute episodes, I might as well not go over at all.

My mother in law insists that we need to watch Shannara Chronicles, only because it's her favorite book series.

My own mother is so determined to get us to watch Person of Interest with her and my father, I swear she's trying to indoctrinate us.

Marco Polo seems like a good idea — 50 minute episodes, some level of history, great acting (or so I've been told) — until you get a face full of butt in a modest, religious home!

In the end, Sherlock is probably best. Over an hour, not too many episodes, and it's not like we have to stress out about keeping up because season 10 will be out when my husband and I are 80.

Why couldn't you have just had Wonder Woman in your queue, huh?

WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN SO HARD?

Or even Coco would have been fine! But noooo, you had to suggest Merlin, didn't you? With all of its sentimental moments and bromance. Ugh.

I mean, I get there's all the "rights to such and such" nonsense, and I'm honestly quite impressed with just how much you can show, but I still haven't seen the end to the Arrow season 5 cliffhanger!

Why'd you have to do me like that, huh?

Supergirl is the only Kryptonian I have any faith in anymore, The Flash has taken over my life, and anime has never been so tempting.

One Punch Man alone set me a week behind on my to-do list!

You even have Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood now! You know, just any anime geek's greatest weakness. I'll be lucky if my husband's eyes ever meet mine again, and our generation is expected to live to be over 100 years old.

I can't take another sleepless night, wishing I was watching The Office instead of nursing my son at 2 in the morning.

So, yeah.

Damn you Netflix.

Damn you to Hell's Kitchen. May Mathew Murdock have mercy on your soul.