Top 10 Tips to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

Even though we've seen the scenario played out in the movies and on TV, what would you, or rather, should you do in an honest-to-goodness zombie apocalypse situation? First of all, can this actually happen? Will there be some nasty virus that makes us long for the taste of brains? Or is religion playing a cruel game by warning us that once Hell’s full, the dead will walk the Earth? No one really knows for sure, and that's what makes it so goddamn terrifying!

Forgetting everything you’ve seen in the movies, if an apocalypse were to break out, what would be the first thing you would do? Would you lock yourself inside and hide, get in the fetal position and curl up enough to kiss your own ass goodbye? I wouldn’t, and with these tips, I don’t think you’d need to either.

10. Assess the Situation.

The very first thing anyone should do, not just in a zombie apocalypse, but in every disaster situation, is, find out what the hell is going on. Turn on the TV, listen to the radio, call someone, get as much information as you possibly can. Who knows, it could be a bluff. If your neighbor’s running half naked down the street screaming, “Zombies!” but you don’t see or hear anything else about it, you can probably assume your neighbor is either drunk as a skunk or just plain batshit crazy. You won’t know until you get the true facts and the correct information.

9. Think About What Everyone Else Would Do—and Don’t Do It.

Before you jump the gun in a situation and do something you’ll regret, think about what the majority would do. Okay, yeah… and then don’t do that. This is also mentioned in other tips as well, but for specific situations. Re-think EVERY decision before going with your first instinct! Whatever you’re thinking of doing, chances are, everyone else is too. In many situations, that means total chaos. You don’t want to flock to the chicken coop with all the other chickens when the wolves are going to be there waiting for you.

8. Find Protection.

If, in fact, there is a zombie apocalypse, you might not have the answer yet as to what caused it. More than likely, though, it’s probably viral or due to some kind of biochemical mishap. No matter what the cause though, you need to protect yourself. Do what you can to find a respirator, gloves and/or hazmat suit, and if you can’t, find whatever you can to cover up. If and when you venture outside, do not touch anything! Grab all the hand sanitizer and antibacterial soap you possibly can. We all know how viruses work, so use your brain… you don’t want to lose it.

7. Ladies and Gentlemen—Choose Your Weapons!

When you find yourself face-to-face with a zombie, it’s kill or be killed. If you don’t kill it, it’s going to kill you… no ifs, ands, or buts about it. If running isn’t an option, you better hope you have some kind of weapon on you—preferably the BIGGEST and most BADASS of all weapons. No matter what it is though, if you can somehow use it to defend yourself, take it and get more than one! Long range weapons like shotguns are ideal as you don't want to get too close, and the brain is your main target. Baseball bats and machetes are good too, they can lop off a head or two in a quick swipe. But hey, even a small knife will do. Attach that sucker to a broom handle or a long branch and voilá, you’ve got yourself a spear. Metal garbage can lids are ideal to use as shields. If you can find bottles of alcohol, rags and a lighter, which should be pretty easy to find in any normal household, you’ve got the means to create molotov cocktails. Now, while it might not kill them, a cocktail or two will at least distract them long enough for you to get a good shot or to hightail it out of there.

6. When and Where to Run.

When you first realize that a zombie apocalypse has begun, don't immediately pack up and get out of Dodge. It's a bit of a contradiction, I know, but think about it… What’s is everyone else going to do? They're packing up and heading for the highway baby. That, my friends, will end up being a buffet fit for a zombie king, as traffic will, more than likely, be backed-up and non-moving. Also, there's a virus out there folks! If you have enough supplies, stay close to home, barricade yourself, and turn wherever you are into Fort Knox. Stay tuned to the news (for as long as it lasts at least). When things have died down a little, no pun intended, grab your friends, grab your shit and run for the hills. Try to find a location in a sparsely populated area towards the mountains. By the time zombies make it there, the whole outbreak should have slowed down. There are fewer humans to bite in the area, so zombies will be created at a slower rate.

5. Gather Supplies.

Grab whatever you think you need and then some. First aid supplies, health related products, lighters, sleeping bags, things of this nature are essential. Collect everything you can use to protect yourself. Supermarkets or convenience stores have canned food and bottled water. Definitely get as much bottled water as you possibly can. Without food and water, you won’t make it very far.

Most important, stay away from Walmart. Everyone that can make it there, is going there first, and believe me, zombies will be waiting.

4. Keep Your Allies Close.

What happens to a person stranded alone on a deserted island? I’m pretty sure they’re either dead or off somewhere befriending trees. So, if you're alone, find other survivors. Other “live” people will keep you company, as well as, sane. Knowing you're not in this alone does a lot for your psyche. There’s a sense of normalcy when you’re in the same situation with other people. If you already have a group, stay in a group. Don't venture out alone. You may be less visible by yourself, but your safety is increased with numbers, even if it’s just one other person. Plus, the more people scavenging for supplies at a time, means the more supplies you can bring back. These people are also going to make the difference between your life and death. Protect and make peace with each other. If you all don't get along, they may leave your ass behind someday, and you'll be kissing it goodbye… all… alone…

3. Find Some Means of Transportation.

Walking isn't that bad, is it? Yeah, it sucks, but driving all the time isn't any better. Sure it can get you farther quicker, but, driving requires gas, and for gas you need a gas station, and at a gas station you need someone to turn on the pump, and if you don't know how to do that, especially when you have an empty tank, you're screwed. Vehicles make a lot of noise and noise attracts zombies. So, when you do travel, drive only if you have to. Stock up on extra gas to bring with you, it’s easier to siphon it along the way. Try to find the biggest and most badass means of transportation possible, something with 4-wheel drive that can plow through a bunch of the undead bastards when you need to. Try to find lifted trucks, vans, army trucks, tanks—anything big, strong and without a lot of windows. Also, if you have a larger group, using more than one vehicle is smart. There’s room for more people, and if one breaks down, you have the other to rely on. Just please people… check the damn back seats!! You can thank the movies for that one folks!!

2. Kill-em’ All and Don't Hesitate.

They're coming to kill you, and they're not stopping to think twice about it. Neither should you. Killing them won’t hurt them, they’re already dead. All they care about is eating your brains, nothing else. They don’t have a choice, that’s just what they do. It’s going to be hard, especially if it's someone you know or love, but, they have to go, and they must go now. Whatever they were to you is gone. They're basically a shell of who they once were, and now they're coming to feast on your brains. So unless you want to join them, don't hesitate to kill them. There is no cure, there is no saving grace, it's either kill or be killed. That's all there is to it.

1. Be Prepared for Anything.

Our biggest fear is that of the unknown. We’ve never been in a zombie apocalypse situation before, and probably won’t ever be again. What’s going to happen, will happen, but that doesn’t mean give up. We’ve been taught, ever since we were kids, what to do in emergency situations. Think back and remember those lessons. Anything can happen, and anything will. The unthinkable is bound to occur, but if you're psychologically prepared for it, you’ll have a clearer head on your shoulders, and hopefully it'll stay there for a long time. This whole ordeal is not going to be easy, but if you come to terms with what the outcome might be, it’ll be a much easier road to take in the long run.