I'm a big fan of White Chicks. I like that it's campy, crude, and sometimes so outrageous it's hard to believe they were allowed to show some of this stuff on the big screen.
I'll be the first to admit that it's a guilty pleasure of mine, and there was a short time where I watched it pretty much every day. I'm not proud of that, of course, but while I was watching I did pick up on a lot of things that just didn't make any sense.
1. Why would dressing up as a woman be your go-to solution?
After a 'renegade cop' undercover sting goes wrong, Kevin and Marcus are chewed out by their boss. Despite the whole debacle, Kevin believes they still deserve to be on the socialite kidnapping case and, after nobody wants the responsibility of dealing with the Wilson sisters, the brothers are tasked with picking them up from the airport and dropping them off in the Hamptons.
However, after the girls' dog, Baby, is almost hit by a semi truck after flying out the window, their SUV swerves off the road and crashes into a field. The Wilson sisters suffer minor cuts to their faces and then refuse to go to the Hamptons because they don't want anyone to see their 'permanent damage.'
Now, for some reason, Kevin thinks the smartest decision is to dress up like women and go to the Hamptons themselves. And listen, I'm a fairly open-minded person, and I understand that the Copeland brothers didn't want to lose their jobs, but I just do not think that pretending to be women for an entire weekend is the best solution to that kind of problem. I'm sure that with more coaxing the Wilson sisters would have eventually caved and just put makeup over their cuts. And even if not, why wouldn't they just hire two look-alikes for a few days?
2. How did people even believe they were real women?
Now, while Kevin's friend, Josh, did very good work with the silicone aspect of their disguises, there is no denying that they did not look like actual women. They didn't even look like real people!
When they're approached by their longtime friends, Karen, Lisa, and Tori, the girls get excited at first, but it only takes a few seconds for them to realize something about the Wilson sisters is completely different. Not only do Kevin and Marcus not know who the ecstatic girls are, they're very bad at pretending they do. Wouldn't that be a red flag to any normal person? Even Tori says, "Don't act like you don't know us." That's because they don't know you!
"There is definitely something different about the two of you," Karen says, and then apparently the only reasonable explanation is collagen and that they got their knees done.
3. Why didn't Marcus just tell his wife he was on an assignment?
At the beginning of the movie, Marcus's wife, Gina, is convinced he's cheating on her. She calls him while he's being yelled at by the chief, and then, when he's forced to hang up on her, she calls the chief's phone and asks to talk to him!
I understand that their undercover mission had to be a secret, but couldn't Marcus have just told his wife he was in the Hamptons on an undercover assignment? She was already accusing him of cheating on her, so why would he think he could just magically get away with disappearing for a whole weekend?
Although it probably wouldn't have made much sense to her, at least she would have known why and where he was gone, not to mention why he bought a $4,000 dress in the Hamptons.
4. Why doesn't Marcus tell Gina the mystery woman is actually Kevin?
After Gina finds out Marcus is in the Hamptons, she and her friend Shaunice decide to go confront him about where he's been and why he's been gone for so long. When they get there, Kevin is still in disguise and Marcus's first thought is to make him go hide somewhere.
And then, after sneaking around the entire room, Kevin finally makes it to the door only to see Shaunice right outside. Gina then believes she was right and that Marcus was actually cheating.
But instead of telling Gina that the mystery woman is actually his brother, Marcus decides to just say, "He's a man!" without any other explanation. He could have easily proved to Gina he wasn't cheating by just pulling off Kevin's mask.
5. How does Denise Porter not know who Latrell Spencer is?
Okay, I understand that not everyone follows professional sports. But don't you think someone like Denise Porter, who apparently got arrested just to find out where 'Ben and J-Lo's hideaway' was, would be up-to-date on current events?
But yet, she doesn't know who Latrell Spencer is, even though he's a huge name in basketball. He's the highest scoring forward in the league and has probably been featured in multiple news reports and magazines, but still, she somehow doesn't have any idea who he is or what he looks like.
6. How did Denise believe Kevin actually lived in Latrell's house?
Just because you have the keys to someone else's house, that doesn't mean you live there. Kevin, still pretending to be Latrell Spencer, manages to get the door open, but then Latrell's housekeeper makes it very clear that she has no idea who this is. Kevin just makes up a name for her on the spot and pushes her out the door. Why did this not seem suspicious to Denise?
Kevin also had no idea where the wine was, or even where the kitchen was for that matter. When Denise asks why there's a picture of a big buff bald dude on the wall, Kevin says it's his trainer and he keeps the picture up there to look at for inspiration. First of all, that's weird. Second of all, what?
And then, the cherry on top, Kevin doesn't know Latrell has a dog, and the dog immediately attacks him because the poor canine has no idea who this random man is. Instead of leaving, Denise actually stays after Kevin locks the dog in the closet. Who sticks around after something like that? Wouldn't that be a major red flag?
7. The 'I'm Not a Whore but I'm Not a Virgin Either' Outfit
While Marcus was getting dressed, it was obvious that none of the clothes fit him, so why did they keep trying? Tori insisted, "you never need a bigger size," and then gave Marcus the biggest wedgie I've ever seen in my entire life. Also, you'd think that while she was telling him to "suck it in," she would have noticed he was definitely not a woman.
Not to mention the scene where Marcus walks out, clearly uncomfortable in his new clothing and looking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Plus, you can clearly see his junk in those pants.
8. Latrell takes Marcus out for dinner.
While this scene is arguably one of the funniest in the entire movie, it makes zero sense. First of all, if someone is on a date and the other person starts eating like a starved hyena, I'm fairly certain they wouldn't stick around to see part two of the show.
Marcus also complains about having an infection in his toe, and then proceeds to bite the nail off and spit it in some poor person's glass of champagne. I think it's pretty safe to say nobody would be able to stomach this during dinner.
Also, I'm pretty sure a normal restaurant would have thrown them out the moment they started farting back and forth.
9. The Entire Club Scene
After Karen, Lisa, and Tori lose their dance battle against the Vandergeld sisters, Kevin and Marcus decide to take matters into their own hands. For some reason, the club starts playing "It's Tricky" the moment they decide to 'kick it old school', and then the brothers do insane breakdancing moves that would definitely give away the fact that they weren't really the Wilson sisters.
Also, let's not forget the fact that Latrell tried to roofie Marcus and ended up drinking the spiked drink himself. After it kicks in, he dances with glowsticks and then ends up hooking up with Russ, who promptly ends up in a wheelchair and tells his friends he 'fell'.
10. Why did Denise Porter report on such a boring story?
At the end of the movie, Mr. Vandergeld has kidnapped the real Wilson sisters and is holding them hostage. Tensions are high and there's a groundbreaking story in front of Denise, but after it's all over and the bad guys are caught, she is seen talking to the camera and saying, "Who will be featured on the cover of Hampton's Magazine?"
Seriously? Two people got shot and the FBI were undercover posing as the Wilson sisters to bring down a kidnapper, but yet she chooses to focus on who is going to be on the cover of a magazine. Who does that?
11. Did they still think they were fighting women?
At this point, the real Wilson sisters have been kidnapped by Mr. Vandergeld and are being escorted away. But what we don't see is Heath and Russ knowing the real sisters were taken away. So does this mean they still thought they were fighting with Brittany and Tiffany Wilson? Did they think they were just punching women in the face?
If that's the case, then Russ knowingly smashed Brittany Wilson with a chair.
12. Why did Mr. Vandergeld reveal his whole plan in front of witnesses?
At the end of the movie, Mr. Vandergeld admits to being the Socialite Kidnapper and spouts his whole plan out loud in front of multiple witnesses. He states he's been "funneling money out of the charity into a private account just to get us by." Why would you admit this in front of everyone?
I realize he didn't know that Denise Porter was filming his whole spiel, but still, the FBI was there. They had clearly identified themselves as FBI, yet Mr. Vandergeld still admitted his wrongdoings to everyone.
What a terrible kidnapper.
Here's a little bonus:
According to Marlon Wayans, White Chicks 2 is in the works!