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Dinosaurs Shouldn't Be Shiny

What It Will Take for Me to Watch the Next 'Jurassic World'

By Connor ThiessenPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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That T-Rex looks so clean. I bet he showers everyday.

The age of reboots and remakes has really hit its stride. That's not to say that all of the reboots/remakes have been good, but it does seem as though we've resigned to the fact that we're going to be seeing a lot of familiar stories on the big screen, and filmmakers are taking advantage of that resignation on a grand scale.

One of the forerunners in this era of film-making was Jurassic World, released during the summer of 2015. And I'll admit, I had fun watching it. The spectacle of dinosaurs fighting other dinosaurs is always a good time. But there was something integral to the success of the Jurassic Park series that was missing in the reboot: believability. I'm not talking about suspension of disbelief. I'm aware that it's a film about a dinosaur theme park. But the first Jurassic Park felt real. The T-Rex looked really big, the velociraptors seemed really scary, and I almost forgot that all the dinosaurs were just animatronics with skin on them. In Jurassic World, that sense of presence is minimized, and I was a lot less scared of the scaly antagonists that the delightful Chris Pratt was up against. I think I know why, and whether this problem is solved in the next Jurassic World movie will determine whether I'll bother to see it or not. The new Jurassic World is too shiny.

Right off the bat, there were a few things I noticed in the first Jurassic World that put up some overly hip red flags. First off, the product placement. I would go as far as to say it was as bad as a James Bond movie. As a young adult living in 2015, I’ve quickly discovered that if you find a piece of pop culture that hasn’t been stamped with "Beats by Dre," you need to hold on to it, because they are rare. As soon as I saw that stupid logo on those stupid headphones that the stupid older brother was wearing, I let out a sigh of disappointment. That sigh was quickly followed by my mental initiation of a game I call “Count the Brands.” As previously noted, usually this game is the most fun when watching a James Bond film, but Jurassic World proved itself a force to be reckoned with, slapping an explicit sponsorship from Samsung onto the main building in the park, equipping the employees with a vehicular selection monopolized by Mercedes, as well as a few more sneaky plugs (the Kawasaki battery for the old Jeep, and the assistant paging the two boys with an iPad). But I get it, movies don’t pay for themselves.

The second obnoxiously shiny part about this movie was, in fact, the dinosaurs. They were so obviously computer-animated that it actually took away from their intimidation factor. It was the same reason that the Star Wars prequels and Hobbit movies were not as warmly welcomed as their predecessors. One of my favourite things about Jurassic Park (as well as The Lord of the Rings) was that it felt gritty. You could sense that the characters were out of their comfort zone, getting their hands dirty. There was an element of suspense, particularly in the scene when the kids were hiding from the raptors in the kitchen. It's the kind of scene where you might find yourself yelling suggestions to the characters onscreen. Meanwhile, in the reboot, Chris Pratt's character has been training these things for years. He's not a relatable character, because to a certain extent, he knows what he's doing. And unfortunately, the characters that might fit that niche are two annoying teenage boys. The result is disconnection from the story: we don't care about the "everyman," and we don't have the same level of knowledge as the other protagonists.

So, this is my list of demands for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. Make Owen (Chris Pratt's character) uncomfortable. Put him in a situation where all his dino experience is irrelevant and useless. Either that, or give us an "everyman" character that isn't sponsored by a headphones brand and filled with annoying hormones. Second, bring back the animatronics. They're scarier and look more real, even if they move like the robots that they are. And finally, be a little less obnoxious with the brand deals. I get that they might be a necessary evil, but don't let it get out of hand. I want to want to see this movie when it comes out. Don't take that desire away.

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About the Creator

Connor Thiessen

I've got just enough fingers for all the pies I want to have my fingers in, and no, I'm not a cannibalistic baker.

Writer, Actor, Gamer, Drummer, Ukulele-er.

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