Disaster Flick 'Geostorm' Is a Clumsy, Careless Wreck

You know those telemarketing phone calls that are obviously scams but the caller seems to be on their knees begging you to take them seriously? The experience of sitting through Warner Bros. new disaster film, Geostorm, was similar to one of those phone calls; Geostorm pleads for audiences to see greatness in it, but doesn't offer a moment of mediocrity. It is a "craptacular" display of what can happen when a bunch of filmmakers get stuck on a project they don't really care about.

The premise of Geostorm is that America builds a machine that can control the weather until the machine gets hacked. The film expects audiences to believe in this weather-controlling system, but never bothers to explain how it works. It's up to the machine's builder, Jake Lawson (Gerald Butler), and his brother Max Lawson (Jim Sturgess) to fix this problem and save the world before a global Geostorm destroys planet Earth. Of course, these two brothers need to have an estranged relationship, and fixing their broken relationship is somehow more important than the fate of humanity. The film has far too many poorly written scenes focused on the relationship between these two brothers. This isn’t to say that the film shouldn’t have provided an emotional drive for the characters, but this poorly executed brotherly feud serves as nothing more than a distraction from the main narrative, it dumbs down the ticking clock audiences should be feeling throughout the movie.

Perhaps the failure to logically explain how this weather controlling machine works could have been forgivable if the film’s tone allowed for holes in logic. Unfortunately, this movie acts quickly with a documentary style opening sequence-followed by a senate interrogation to indicate that the film wants you to take it seriously. The interrogation scene raises themes like corruption and power, telling audiences that this is not a movie to mindlessly watch; it promises substance and fails to deliver on that promise.

The film plays with the possibility of global catastrophe, but somehow the stakes feel very low; my heart rate never changed while watching this movie. The trailers may have been full of devastating spectacle and destruction, but it turns out, massive storms destroying everything are given very little screen time. Most of the movie consists of people sitting behind computers and debating what to do about it. The pacing is slow, drawn out and boring. The few sequences of storms and devastation we do see are blatantly cheesy. The CG is oversaturated and never looks remotely realistic. It's bizarre to watch a domino effect of buildings tumbling into each other while earthquakes swallow entire cars and feel nothing: no thrills, no sitting on edge, no devastation, nothing. That is how poorly this movie fails to engage audiences.

The film's director, Dean Devlin, is a screenwriter with essentially no behind the camera experience. Even for a film directed by a screenwriter, the screenplay is awful. Dialogue is corny, unrealistic, and full of unapologetic not-so-subtle exposition. Most of the exposition that the characters give us is not relevant and leaves audiences scratching their heads about the things we want to know such as the science and logic behind this weather controlling system that is central to the movie. As far as plot goes, it is cringingly predictable; nothing in this film surprised me. If you've seen films like Day After Tomorrow or 2012, don't bother with this movie, Geostorm offers nothing new to the tired disaster genre.

Usually, no matter how awful a movie is, I don't regret seeing it. Geostorm is an exception to this. In the truest sense of the phrase, watching Geostorm was a waste of time. This is a very wasteful movie, filmmakers wasted time on it, actors wasted time on it, Warner Bros. wasted time (and money) on it. Life is short, don't waste your time on Geostorm.