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Do Not Mistake Composure For Ease: Invisible Illnesses, Power Metal and Star Trek

So what happens when someone says "you don't LOOK sick?"

By RoAnna SylverPublished 6 years ago 6 min read
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Living with a chronic illness or #disability is hard. It impacts every single area of your life. If you have one, you're probably at least always aware of it. It's not the kind of thing that goes away. (So, 'chronic.')

But sometimes it's hardest in ways that people can't see - like with invisible illnesses, or mental/emotional disorders. The only thing that sucks worse than basically playing life on Hard Mode is people constantly telling you you're not.

So what happens when someone says "you don't LOOK sick?" When you go about your daily life, and people point to the fact that you're functioning as 'evidence' that you're not in pain at all?

You get accused of faking. Trying to get extra resources or lightened responsibilities, or just sympathy/attention. It's never fun - actually, it sucks. But when so much of your pain is internal/invisible, it's an everyday kind of suck.

A while back, I got a question on the subject:

A follower asked:Sylver, this may seem weird to ask, but do you have any suggestions for how to deal with people who view a chronic-pain-suffering person going out for a walk/going to the store/attending college classes as "proof" that their pain "isn't that bad?" you don't have to answer if you don't want to <3

Well, I definitely do want to. So here's...

SOME HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS:

  • Eat them. :)
  • Show them this wisdom from Commander Tuvok, from #StarTrek Voyager. Then eat them.

That's really about it. Says it all.

But if you need more...

Remember that no one knows what a war is like unless they're the one fighting it.

Nobody knows your body or nerve endings or experience except for you. Just because you are not visibly performing agony or being disabled 'the right way' doesn't mean you're not dealing with it.

Because nobody can tell from the outside how anyone is feeling. They don't know you. If someone pretends otherwise, that tells you all you need to know.

Here, Take This Wisdom-Nugget (It's Dangerous To Go Alone)

"Just because I don't display obvious symptoms doesn't mean I experience my condition mildly. It means YOU experience it mildly."

- I read this years ago and cannot for the life of me find it again, so if anyone has the source, sound off. (And thank you.)

Ask yourself:

  • Why do they want to see you in pain so badly?
  • Would they rather you weren’t able to do any of the things they ‘catch’ you at?
  • Why does a disabled or ill person have to display such visible and specific symptoms before anyone believes/helps?

(If that sounds like crap, it is.)

  • Why do they think doing everyday things ‘proof’ that you’re not in pain?
  • Are they incapable of comprehending people doing this?
  • Are they saying they would not be able to do this?

Sounds like it says more about them than you.

Sounds like they're nowhere near as badass.

Get your priorities straight.

Say that you are in pain, but ______ is important to you, so you're still putting in the effort. School, work, going to the store, going for a walk, playing a game, getting your hair done. Your life, and living it the way you want, is important.

And so is taking care of yourself, in whatever way that means. That should be the #1 priority; forget anyone else's.

...I was trying to find more snarky/badass memes, but this was too cute. What a good bird.

And Your Tomorrow May Vary.

Say that today you can do this, but tomorrow you might not be able to. This is also valid. But very predictably, many will still say you’re just not trying hard enough.

So what if you can't do expected things? Holy moly, open the can of worms marked “HELL.” If there's a Part 2 to this article, it'll be about that. But for now...

Remember You're A Pro At This.

It’s the mark of a professional to make the impossible look easy. You’re making your life look easy. Especially when it isn’t.

Especially if it's chronic.

If they can't tell...

It's Because You Only Make It Look Easy.

If you sometimes look unaffected - that's just proof that your razzle-dazzle is second to none.

No memery this time. The original's good enough.

Seriously, it's like wearing invisible weights and spikes - if you can continue as ‘normal’ for three seconds and fake it enough that people actually doubt you're even in pain, everyone should say you're winning, not faking.

And That Makes You A Freaking Metal Warrior.

The likes of whom star in epic rock videos. Just by living your life, you're more badass than they could ever dream. Maybe find an actual song that makes you feel like one. A fight song, a theme song. Background music while you kick ass just by living.

I have one. The Soulforged, by power metal band Blind Guardian. It’s about one of my favorite book characters, Raistlin Majere from the Dragonlance series. (I'm a nerd, nobody is surprised about this... but so are BG, I guess.)

That blood on the hanky might be his... but not for long.

Raistlin is a mage with a nasty curse-cough, hourglass eyes that see everyone die before them - and hell-bent determination to obtain absolute power, be the most feared/revered sorcerer in existence... and become a god. By fighting the gods and winning.

Sounds pretty Klingon when you think about it. Badass as hell.

And so is his theme song.

My body fails, my soul will rise.

So find a song or a character that makes you feel like you could fight a god and win - then run with them for all they're worth.

But Even Warriors Can't Please Everyone. Or Anyone, Sometimes.

No matter what you say, sometiems your answer will never be good enough. So let go of the pressure - releasing every crap you're supposed to give is freeing.

You know what I mean to say. But this is a classy, swanky-ass article. Yep.

Forget about pleasing anyone who doesn't deserve it. Please yourself. It's your pain, and your life.

Congratulate yourself for making it this far.

If you’re living your life so “normally” that people can’t even tell you’re sick? By their own logic - thanks, Tuvok - you’re due for congratulations, not suspicion.

Often, productivity is the only thing valued in our society, and from that truly crappy standpoint, their argument is hypocritical at best, and falls right apart. They fail no matter how you slice it. (With a bat'leth.) Try again.

It Takes A Brave Warrior To Face Them.

Remember Cmdr. Tuvok's insight from the beginning (and the title)? Have some more from Lieutenant Commander Worf, in #StarTrekDeepSpaceNine. It's one of my very favorite lines and parts from any Trek series/episode/moment, ever.

Because "fears" in this case refers specifically to someone's pretty debilitating claustrophobia and PTSD. (And the guy with these issues is someone you probably wouldn't expect to have them, which is just nice. Deadly spies/assassins/tailors have problems too.)

Still a good song, Garak. Wonder if there's a power metal version.

And real Klingon warriors recognize that bravery is not restricted to the battlefield.

Anyone dealing with pain or illnesses, physical or mental, whether you can see them or not, and still trying to live their lives and keep moving forward is, again, a freakin' warrior.

And anyone who disputes that has to answer to Worf, Martok, and the business end of a bat'leth.

Really, who's going to argue?

You're already winning.

It might not feel like it. And you might have excruciatingly hard days, and lose a battle here and there. But it's true - any battle you walk away from, that's a win. Even if some days that's just existing, lying down, staring at a wall. Still breathing, still winning.

So have some bloodwine. You deserve it.

Or in this case, prune juice.

And maybe a Klingon opera on the subject of your greatness.

Tomorrow, we'll fight the good fight all over again.

humanity
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About the Creator

RoAnna Sylver

Writes weird books about marginalized people surviving/rocking out (CHAMELEON MOON, STAKE SAUCE), amazing puns, and geeky articles. Lives with chronic pain/genetic weirdness. An actual mutant. Open Your Eyes, Look Up To The Skies And See!

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