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You can get on out, yah hear? What with your fancy big city ways and big city views. Sorry, so sorry us small town folks don’t ascribe to that kind of behavior and thinking. We keep it simple around here. We’ve got our trucks and our dogs and our guns and we believe in God. In fact, we’re god fearing folk and you best respect it, yah hear?
We don’t want none of your fancy ways and customs. None of your ‘European beers,’ or ‘European cars,’ or ‘legendary and rare Pokey-mons.’ We stick with our ‘merican pilsners and our V8s and our Rataties and Pidg-ohs around these parts, and we’re proud of it.
What’s that you say? You caught a Gay-ray-dos? Well, you can take your big ole scaly water and electric type legendary Pokémon and get on out if that’s the kind of life you live. Us simple folk around these parts are happy and jumping with joy if we get a Bill-sproot, and if you don’t like our ways then you can get on out, yah hear?
Now, I know you want to go collect our pokey stops because you ain’t god fearing like us, but so help me if I see you get a Great Ball out of them pokey stops---
Look here, the point is, we don’t need none of them fancy incense and lures, the only incense and lures us folks use is good ole’ fashioned charcoal barbecues and fishing lures. I don’t care if your big fancy city ways helped you catch a goddamn Aller-kazram or whatnot, I’m perfectly happy with my Rataties and Pidg-ohs and I don’t need none of your goddamn lure handouts, so if yah feel that way you can get on out, yah hear?
Oh, so look at you Mr. Big Shot, you’re level twenty. Well, in this here town we’re just happy to have cellular phones that run Pokey-mons Go and don’t require a constant supply of hydroelectricity. Sorry if that don’t make sense to you fancy big city folks, what with your cellular data and software updates, but really I ain’t sorry on account of the fact that I’m damn proud to be level seven, goddamn proud if I does say so myself, and I’d rather be level seven and charging my mobile phone using an old fashioned water pump than one of you uppity level twenty pretentious like types any day of the week, and if yah disagree you can get on out now, yah hear?
I don’t really care about your goddamn special events and gym battles. You think we need more battling in this here town? Why, the McBlues and the McReds been feuding since we damn near founded this fine town of ours, and ain’t nothing good come of it. So if you want to come in with your fancy big city type Gen-gurs and Lap-rahs then go on ahead! I hope you feel good about yourself, what with the taking of our gyms. I hope you feel damn good.
What’s that? You say I can evolve my Woodle now? Why, I’ll tell you sir, I’m perfectly fine with having an un-evolved Woodle, and that’s the way God intended him to be. We’re god-fearing folk around these parts, and we don’t believe in evolution. I don’t care how many Woodle candies y’all say I have, I’m keeping him as a goddamn caterpillar with that weird little horn on his head, and so help me if any of y’all don’t like it you can get on out, yah hear?
You see, Woodle here is an insect type and my Pidg-ohs are normal like types, and maybe they have some fancy flying every now and then, but you best believe we don’t ascribe to them liberal psycho-types and ferry-types. No, we don’t do that at all in this here town, and you best get used to it if you’re to stay here.
What’s that? You’re looking forward to them Nin-ten-dos people adding the next a hundred Pokey-mons to the game? Why, sir, them’s fighting words. I’ll see you outside in a few minutes, y’all can bring your cellular phone with its big fancy legendary pokey-mons and I’ll bring my shotgun, and if y’all don’t like that match up Y’ALL CAN GET ON OUT NOW, YAH HEAR?