'Fifty Shades Darker' Review

Could it be, I found a worse movie than Fifty Shades of Grey? Yes I did, the sequel, Fifty Shades Darker. I know I'm late as they say on this review because this came out in the beginning of 2017, but I was still trying to recover from the original movie and let's be honest, I really tried as long as possible to not see this (call it my procrastination or just call it me trying not to lose brain cells for as long as possible). In case you couldn't tell, I'm not a fan of this "franchise." I couldn't finish the first book because I thought it was the worst writing since I wrote a story in second grade about a blob named SOOOOO who liked to go fishing (yes I did write that, and maybe it's better than these books). Fifty Shades of Grey the movie I thought was dull, not sexy and full of red flags of an abusive relationship. Nearly the thought of the sequel really got me in the fetal position. Telling my boyfriend that I was going to watch this, he gave me my sympathy (being a good girlfriend I would never let him watch this with me). Well here it goes, finally, I'm sure you wanted me to suffer. This is my review of Fifty Shades Darker.

The movie opens on Christian Gray being abused, not by a woman, but his dad. I know it's supposed to show sympathy for Christian but I feel like I'm watching how a serial killer is created. I don't understand how child abuse is supposed to get me in the mood for a sexy BDSM session. We then cut to Anastasia Steele (still worse name than any porn star) who gets flowers from Christian. He clearly hasn't learned his lesson about stalking and being an overall creep because he then follows her to an art gallery opening. Most people would think an ex stalking you is really creepy and going to the police is a normal reaction. Anastasia, being the strong female character that she is, decides to give him a second chance but this time she says no rules, no punishments (even though that all goes out the window within the first thirty minutes). Christian is clearly in control of this relationship even though the movie says it's her rules now. Nope, they go back to the way things were, him telling her what to do. It's pointless to say she's making the rules when throughout the movie she is telling him to do whatever you want; yes, please spank me and yes I want you to do the thing I told you not to do to me in the last movie (yes, strong female character everyone).

Let's get to the topic I know you're probably wondering about: the sex. This movie has way more sex scenes than the first one and they are boring and not sexy. They pretty much do this: they fight, they have sex, they go on a date, they have sex. I can't stand them. I think this made me realize that good film can be wasted on sex scenes.

Christian tells her that he just bought the publishing company that she works for. Yeah, he's such a good guy, not at all a serial killer in the making. Her boss is just as creepy as her boyfriend, in that he tries to have his way with her. But she already has one creep to deal with so she tells Christian what happens. The boss is so stupid, he knows she's dating the billionaire who just bought his company, yet he still tries to take advantage of her, well that's just stupid he deserved to be fired.

We meet the woman who introduced Christian into the spanking life style, Elena, played by Kim Basinger. Anastasia isn't a fan of hers (maybe it's because Elena had an affair with Christian at 15 when she was a full grown adult. Yes, Fifty Shades fans, you are promoting having sex with a minor). She is barely in the movie and basically just provides backstory.

Throughout this movie, it's implied that Anastasia has a stalker (not Christian who, by the way, did I mention he knows her bank account information? Romantic). This movie builds up this stalker, but if you know anything about losing your virginity it's not as good as it sounds. It's a big disappointment. I mean she just stalks her and puts paints on her car. She is more worried about her than about the guy who knows where she is all the time, buys her company, knows her bank account, and gets mad that she goes places that he's not going to be and follows her there. The woman is an ex-subject of his, who loves him. She comes in the apartment and points a gun at Anastasia. Christian comes into the room and uses his magical BDSM powers to stop her. Anastasia gets mad that he saves her life and uses a "walking in the rain" montage to think about how the fuck she got herself in this situation. She, of course, takes Christian back because he is just like a cold, never treated and also comes back.

The end of this movie finally happened. I kept begging this movie to end after ten minutes. Christian goes to Portland for the weekend (even though he told her she couldn't go to New York for a business trip). His helicopter crashes in the woods. Everyone freaks out thinking he's dead, but he just walks into the room like nothing happened. This is the worst part of this movie; you build up to him missing, you see the helicopter crash (not a big crash might I add), and he just walks into a room full of people that care about him and he just says, "Why is everyone here?" GEEEZZZ, I wonder why? You're all over the news and you are barely injured and you're like, why the fuck are people here? Damn, it was so pointless that I could have saved ten minutes of my wasted time. Oh and he asks her to marry him and she says yes. Of course, she would because she is a strong female who doesn't need a man to define her. And she defiantly changed him. Now he's into marriage just like that. Yet he still controls her in the bedroom and everything else she does but now he'll have control over her as husband.

What else can I say about this movie? I hated this more than the first. I didn't even get into some of the lines that were said. This is lazy, boring, and has a message about having a guy stalking you until you have to say, yes. I hate how this movie tries to say it's for strong women but it turns it around making Christian look like this is the man you need in your life. A rich asshole, who stalks you, knows where you are all the time, buys the company you work for, and basically tells you everything you want to hear without actually doing what she asked him to do. This is a bad message to give to young women written by a woman who thought Twilight was a real love story. This movie is bottom of the barrel, low class waste of time.