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Hilarious Star Wars T-Shirts to Geekify Your Wardrobe

Or, in my case, “to add to your already-geeky wardrobe.”

By Sarah QuinnPublished 7 years ago 5 min read
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A friend recently asked me, “So, do you own any clothes that AREN’T Star Wars t-shirts?” No, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t need more. Consider this my permanent wishlist, friends and admirers. BONUS: A lot of funny Star Wars t-shirts are Christmas themed, and ‘tis almost the season, so get festive.

I went to a church Halloween party one time dressed as Princess Leia and as I’m walking in carrying my giant crockpot of chili this teenage boy comes walking down the hall and says “Hey, nice buns!” and then sees my 6’2” military husband and says, “I mean your hair, nice hair, I like it,” and makes it down the rest of the hall in 12 parsecs.

Also, clearly Han IS a buns man, because I’m pretty sure most girls with that unfortunate hairstyle could not instantly win the affections of a hard-hearted smuggler unless he actually thought it was kind of cute. In a really bizarre, “Is she hot or am I just fantasizing about Cinnabon again” kind of way.

This brings up a classic “Who would win?” contest: Chewbacca, or a velociraptor? Clearly, the answer here is, “Chewbacca.” (If he can rip people’s arms out of their sockets, I’m pretty sure he can handle a measly dinosaur.)

For those who live by the maxim “If you love something, set it free. If it doesn’t come back, hunt it down.”

The chew toys are the best part. (Wouldn’t an AT-AT would be a really bad pet though, just based on how easily it falls over? Unlike a puppy, it doesn’t fall on its face and just pop back up.)

Well. Yes, Yoda, that’s all very nice, but some of us aren’t going to live for NINE HUNDRED YEARS. What species are you anyway?!?

I laughed, and then I felt terrible, because Alderaan is peaceful! They have no weapons!

And then I laughed again.

“Hey, don’t be too hard on yourself, man. Any of us could have made that mistake. We’re all equally weak-minded and foolish.”

This is the perfect gift for the sophisticated (read: pseudo-intellectual pipe-smoking professorial) family member or friend. Or get it for yourself, if you’re a pseudo-intellectual pipe-smoking professor. (Who am I kidding. This one is totally my favorite.)

In the light of the sun a little spore lay in the Pit of Carkoon. One Sunday morning the warm sun came up and - pop! - out of the spore came a dangerous and extremely carnivorous sarlacc. He wanted to help the world find a new definition of pain and suffering, so he started to look for some food. On Monday he injected one of Jabba’s guards with immobilizing neurotoxins and began to digest him, but he was still hungry. On Tuesday, he injected another one of Jabba’s guards with immobilizing neurotoxins and began to digest him, but he was still hungry. On Wednesday, the sarlacc realized that he was only a semi-sentient plant-like being who was never going to become a beautiful butterfly and he died of sorrow and indigestion.

Get it? GET IT? I almost fell totally in love with this and then it reminded me a little bit of Lisa Frank’s underwater scenes (though I’m pretty sure she never did narwhals, much to our loss). And then I started thinking about those velvet coloring poster sets (remember those?) and how this would be really spectacular as one of those.

From the creator’s Etsy shop description: “Star Wars fans, are you looking for that tall, dark and handsomely hairy guy? Maybe you've been looking for some nookie--um, we mean Wookiee--in Alderaan places!” This is a hand-silk-screened shirt and is available in lots of flattering colors and styles. Also, if Wookiee love is your thing, please, please send this hysterical e-card to someone right now.

AND CRUSH THEM. Maybe I should start telling my children this every morning.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that the Emperor soon would be there.

Stuffing blasters and helmets into each shiny boot,

Lord Vader couldn’t wait to rip open his loot!

Dagnabbit! I knew we should have bought more oxen! At least it’s better than dysentery...

“Not the gumdrop buttons!”

*heavy breathing* “It is your...DESTINY…” *chomp*

“THAT’S IMPOSSI...aghhhhhhhhh!”

Would it be wrong to wear this if I’m not Jewish?? Because this is amazing, and now I can’t help but picture Harrison Ford singing “Hava Nagila” while making latkes.

Pretty much one of my favorite things about A New Hope is how unbelievably whiny Luke is. I would pay serious money to watch the filming of those scenes.

“But I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!”

“Cut! Ok, Mark, that was good. But it needs something....more.”

“Would it help if I said it more like a twelve year old girl begging to go to the mall?”

“YES! BRILLIANT!”

I love this, and I am totally in support of it, as long as we can all agree that the world does NOT need any representations of Chewbacca with a man bun. Of course he could totally pull it off, I’m not saying he couldn’t, I’m just saying that Chewbacca is a role model for the youth of today and I don’t believe we can take anymore of that crap than we’re already being forced to endure.

Man, my Dad’s the greatest. I remember growing up, he always let me have my space. There I was on my own planet with my surly uncle and he just let me be, you know? Doing my own thing, not even grounding me for blowing up the Death Star. And then when I got older and he actually revealed that he was my father and invited me to join the Dark Side and and cut off my hand and carbon froze my friend but then like eventually saved me from getting fried by Emperor Palpatine...dude, those are just the best memories!

I’m kind of sorry for putting this alternate song into your head so close to the approaching holidays. But not THAT sorry.

Finally! I wondered all those years if I was singing it wrong.

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About the Creator

Sarah Quinn

I'm a writer in love with India, Stars Wars, fantasy, travel, and Thai curries. My childhood heroes were Luke Skywalker and Joan of Arc. I muse on superheroes, sci-fi, feminism, and more.

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