Jacoby (Jack Frost)

Jacoby is the one friend that has been with me since September of 2017, when things, I thought, were turning great for me in college. As it turns out, I had been cutting myself, trying to commit suicide once again. When I met Jacoby, he was very handsome and kind. But when I video chatted with him in November, I was completely nervous to talk to him. I was just thinking to myself: This is Jacoby (Frostplay on YouTube), one of the best cosplayers in the world. We both video chatted and I thought we had hit it off. As great friends, of course. Soon he called me some cute little nicknames like doll, baby doll, and/or silly girl. It may have sounded like unintentional flirting, but in reality, he was just calling me small nicknames. Not only that, but my Instagram name is WinterBabyDoll0018. He was the only person I ever had who made me feel the way every girl wanted to be; cared about and loved by another person. It didn't have to be in a relationship in order for guys to talk to you or be around you in the way Jacoby was around me. He meant the whole world to me. That was when, in December, I wanted to tell him that I loved him. I fell in love with a nice, kind, generous, and fun guy. I thought to myself that I may never find that perfect guy ever again. I have had so many opportunities to tell him how I feel. He made me feel like I really was beautiful, gorgeous, or... just being human. He made me feel I was meant to exist. I had fallen in love with my best friend.

At least until Allison showed up. She swept him off his feet and took him away from me. Instead of being the desperate loner who became obsessed with wanting to be with Jacoby, I had to support their relationship. They were perfect together, to be honest. They were amazing together, but they were so amazing to the point where I was a little annoyed or just upset that they were so happy. To the point where I was never happy. I tried dating someone, but ended up being dumped seven days later. I was a mess after that, then decided to apply for a job at Disney. I had to tell the best people I knew—Jacoby and his girlfriend, including my best friend Renee. Of course, they all gave me the congratulations. However, I felt like Allison was not all too happy about that. Considering I have this vibe where whenever I am talking to my best friend, she has this grudge on me. Yes, I was in love with him. Yes, I met him just before you did. Yes, I had landed my eyes on him first or some shit like that. He was my friend before I fell in love with him. When I watch him fall in love with someone else, it hurts like a bitch, like if I were the bitch constantly stepping on a big, huge road filled with Legos, slowly walking on it to get to him; the closer I would ever get. He was already getting her a ring. He would propose to her, they would already get married, have a family, then... when I finally got there... He might be gone. The point of that story is... I was already too late. I had my chance and then I blew it.

Back at home in Colorado, I thought about writing this for a long time. I just don’t know how else to put it in words without sounding desperate or rude. Plus, it’s hard to be concrete writing something like this when there are drag races going on in my neighborhood and a FRIENDS marathon playing on my TV, which, I don't mind FRIENDS playing, it's the constant street racing that is going on outside of the neighborhood. Speaking of which, I should really be doing my homework...