Movie Review: 'Avengers Infinity War'

"Death in comic books is like breadsticks from the Olive Garden, you think you've finished them off, but the waiter just keeps bringing you more," Lewis "Linkara" Lovhaug.

I am borrowing that quote from one of my favorite YouTube critics, Linkara of AtoptheFourthWall.com, and his review of the comic "The Infinity Gauntlet" on which the Russo Brothers have based the latest film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe — Avengers: Infinity War. The quote is quite apt to this latest movie as death comes and comes again even as we all know that indeed, the breadsticks just keep coming back again and again.

Avengers: Infinity War picks up the story of our comic book heroes right where Thor: Ragnarok left off, aboard a ship full of the last residents of Asgard, including Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and his brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston). Thanos (Mo-Cap Josh Brolin) has boarded the ship, killed everyone except Thor, Loki and one other of our favorites, and sets about explaining what we will be watching for the next 2 hours and 40 minutes.

Cut to New York City, where Dr. Steven Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) receives a surprise guest falling through the roof of his sanctum sanctorum. It's The Hulk, who quickly turns back into Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo). Bruce has arrived from Thor's ship courtesy of the bravery of Heimdall (Idris Elba) with the warning that Thanos is coming.

Dr. Strange and Bruce then find Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) and upset his domestic bliss with the lovely Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) with the news of Thanos. They are quickly interrupted, however, as a pair of Thanos's lackeys show up seeking the stone that Dr. Strange wears around his neck. It's one of the Infinity Stones, a group of which Thanos wishes to wield and allow him to blink half of the population of the universe out of existence.

Dr. Strange isn't the only hero having to defend the possession of an Infinity Stone. Vision (Paul Bettany) happens to have the Mind Stone embedded in his forehead, putting a major target on him as more of Thanos's minions arrive on earth. Vision and Scarlett Witch (Elizabeth Olson) end up being saved by the returning Captain America (Chris Evans), Black Widow (Scarlett Johannson) and Falcon (Anthony Mackie), fending off more minions.

This portion of the movie rushes to a number of conclusions based on the necessity for brevity and the tremendous economy of characters. Basically, Cap and company somehow already know about Thanos and the war that's coming and the filmmakers hope that the big fight scenes will make us forget that they've left out a few important details related to plot motivation.

Cap, Black Widow, Bruce Banner, Vision and Scarlett Witch then head to Wakanda, where they inform King T'Challa, aka Black Panther (Chadwick Boseman), of what is coming and they prepare for all out war at the border. How anyone knows that a giant army of alien bug creatures were on their way to Wakanda is quickly glossed over but, then again, with what is to come, the battle scenes are pointless beyond being something that might have looked good in a comic book panel. Here, it's closer to something from one of the Transformers movies.

The Guardians of the Galaxy join the story, as well, but I will be damned if the Russo Brothers don't screw up that franchise in short order. The unique rhythm of James Gunn's Guardians' movies is completely missing from Avengers: Infinity War, replaced by a fanboy sort of shorthand that short-changes the hard work Gunn put into making the Guardians franchise so unique.

I will not spoil it, I will only say that the Russos took something important that James Gunn had done a wonderful job building and turned it into a very minor and entirely unnecessary plot point. Watching the Russo's take on the Guardians feels like listening to a cover band version of a really great song, you recognize the notes but the voices are all wrong and the band is ever so slightly out of tune.

The only character that feels like himself in Avengers: Infinity War is Tony Stark. Robert Downey Jr. embodiesTony Stark and, likely because he has played this character for 5 different directors across a half dozen films, he has a knack for keeping Tony Stark consistent. In Avengers: Infinity War, Downey Jr. stands out more for the fact that the Russo Brothers have written the other major characters like versions of Tony Stark; acerbic, brash, over-confident yet strong.

Star-Lord (Christ Pratt) and Steven Strange both evince a Tony Stark vibe and while that may have been the case to a lesser degree in their respective franchises, it feels ever more so uncomfortable here. All that sets Cumberbatch apart from Downey Jr. is that upper-crust accent and a constantly raised eyebrow. Star-Lord meanwhile is just a younger, more comically inept and childish version of Tony Stark.

Avengers: Infinity War relies on a number of shortcuts and cheap thrills. The Russo Brothers have brought a comic book to life on screen with all of the excitement of panels filled with colorful action. Unfortunately, that comes at the cost of telling a story that matters populated by characters who matter. In the end, again, no spoilers, there is a rather nihilistic quality to the way the characters are portrayed and how little they end up mattering beyond what you see in CGI heavy comic book panels.

The manner of death in Avengers: Infinity War is so cruel and pointless that I was left merely depressed. Characters die in ways that don't mean anything beyond our nostalgic love for what they've done in their own franchise and little to do with what they do in Infinity War. There is a nihilistic quality to the way Infinity War uses character deaths. The meaning intended to be gleaned from our nostalgia is missing, because these deaths aren't heroic, they aren't noble, they are just deaths. Heroes deserve better than what we get in Avengers: Infinity War.

Add to that the fact that all that we just saw is going to be retconned, a comic book term for Retroactive Continuity, an event that alters all previous events to create a new timeline of events. It's obvious that none of the characters killed here are going to stay dead and that adds yet another meaningless layer to the pointlessness of Avengers: Infinity War. I'm reminded of the empty, unsatisfied feeling I had at the end of The Two Towers, a movie that spent nearly three hours going pretty much nowhere. That's Avengers: Infinity War, a whole lot of noisy, pointless, nowhere.

More breadsticks to table 2 please.