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Pondering with the Reaper

If you were in limbo, where would you want to go?

By Monique StarPublished 5 years ago 6 min read
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By the time Patton opened his eyes, he found himself on the couch of his empty living room. He sat up and looked around, initially thinking that he woke up from a dream. He doubted, he snuck out of the house to clear his head, neglecting his cat, Sweater, tripped down a hill and fell, until he found himself cold and bleeding from his head, while lying on top of a pile of freshly-fallen orange leaves; he thought it was all a dream. He walked over to the living room window to get a better idea of the time of night. However, when he looked out the window, he noticed that tons of stars and other lights surrounded the building, but the ground was absent. He didn't know what was going on, so he didn't know how exactly to react.

He heard a male voice clearing his voice and looked back towards the couch. He saw his best friend and the man who won his heart without knowing and slowly walked toward him.

"Virgil? When did you get here?" Patton asked softly, since he remembered Virgil didn't like when people were too loud.

"Huh? Oh, I'm not Virgil. Whenever I'm in the presence of someone I need to be around, I take the appearance of someone the person loves and trusts the most. Call me Kritanta," the doppelgänger retorted.

Patton sat on the opposite side of the couch Kritanta was sitting on.

"Where am I?" he asked softly.

"I won't beat around the bush here, since you've been through a lot. You're in limbo. You've been put in a position where you could die, long before your time has come, so you're brought here to think things over until then," they explained to him.

Patton was thinking about what he had been told. Sure, what happened was a complete accident, but that doesn't mean he hasn't thought about disappearing at least once or twice before.

"If you don't know where to start, maybe I can help. Feel free to vent about your family," Kritanta suggested.

"What's there to vent about? They've gone through a lot, in their day to day lives, and I'm the only person in the house that could listen to them... I've been that only person my whole life, actually. They don't bother being in the same room as me for too long if I try to tell them how I feel, so I just stopped trying. However, whenever I start to do something to pass the time that isn't for school, they conveniently decide that it would be a good time to get everything else off their chest as long as I silently listen," Patton spoke without realizing he was sounding sad.

"Isn't it nice to get out your emotions for once?"

"They... they won't miss me as a person."

Kritanta felt bad for the teen. Heck, they felt bad when hearing a lot of these stories. It was the closest they got to actually living, even if the lives weren't usually positive.

"Surely, you were able to confide in your friends," they claimed.

"Oh, I tend to get under Logan's skin when I show off my personality and jokes. Roman expresses enthusiasm when it comes to theatre and Disney. As for Virgil? He's got his own issues that he wants to escape from every once in a while. They encourage me to express my own thoughts and emotions, but I guess being silenced by my family so long has kept this masked smile glued on my face for so long. I don't even know if they'd miss me for me or miss the extra support."

Kritanta took a deep breath before holding Patton's hands. Their hands were obviously cold in contrast to Patton's, so he felt a shiver going through his body.

"As part of my current role, I'm going to provide you with objective information to give you a better idea of what you want to do. I'm allowed to do this with complete honesty, since others in your position have dealt with an altered perspective on their surroundings when considering this big choice. Would you like to hear what I have to say?"

Patton just nodded, due to feeling like he didn't have a real choice.

"Your parents aren't really the best, in all honesty, but your Uncle Emile knows how you feel, and he's the most accepting person in your close family. Logan appreciates the effort you put into your jokes, but he is still struggling with how to express it. Roman isn't always taken seriously due to being a Renaissance man. He is recognizes that he annoys Logan and Virgil when he gets overexcited, but you're the only one in the group that sees more in him and takes him seriously. He wants to be a knight to help others, and you're amongst the people he wants to help."

Out of habit, Kritanta spoke with such passion as they were speaking to Patton. They tend to forget that their her job to help contemplating souls in limbo decide what to do, instead of just telling them to go back to the living then and there.

"Now, there's plenty about Virgil that you deserve to know," they started which made Patton worry.

"Is he alright?" Patton asked.

"He's physically healthy, yes. It's just that... he had felt alienated and misunderstood throughout his life. People have hurt him in so many ways either because they think his mental health troubles are nothing but lies or because they want to see how far they can push him to the edge before he finally breaks. You've shown him kindness and saw him as a human being instead of a punching bag since you first met in elementary school. You've discovered new things about yourselves and each other together. You've taught him about wordplay and animals while he taught you about emo music and the importance of mental health concerns. As you two became friends with Logan and Roman, he still kept you close, since he was scared of losing you to someone he thought would be better. Even with new acquaintances in his life and safer methods of briefly escaping his troubles, you were still his whole world. He has tried to tell you so many times, but his anxiety has kept him from doing so and has given himself the idea that you not telling him and you showing kindness to everyone else meant that you don't feel the same way."

When Kritanta was finished, they felt glad that they revealed all they could, while avoiding adding their opinion to it. Patton looked at their face and saw that they were more than sincere. He walked back over to the window, again, and just stared at the cosmos with the idea that he understood why they fascinated Logan and Virgil so much.

"I've made my decision," Patton announced.

"So, are you ready?" they asked already knowing Patton's decision.

"Yes, but, first, I just want to tell you thank you, Kritanta. Thank you for clearing my head."

Kritanta nodded and smiled before Patton looked out the window again. The scenery changed around him. He still saw stars and darkness, but he felt his back being pressed against a surface and the faint sound of the man he loved.

"He's right here! Get the first aid kit!"

fan fiction
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About the Creator

Monique Star

I'm not the most sophisticated adult out there. I'm also not the best at communicating all the time, but I do try my best to get my thoughts out there into the world verbally or nonverbally.

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