Porcelain, Ivory, Steel

I was late getting on the Game of Thrones train. I started watching it over the summer of 2015, and roped my mother into watching it with me as well. We were hooked.

What makes Game of Thrones such a tour de force is its characters, all unique and versatile and wholly human. While my friends who also watched the show gravitated to the characters of Daenerys Targaryen, Tyrion Lannister, Jon Snow, and Arya Stark, I found myself early on connecting with Sansa Stark.

As the eighth season draws to a close, I look back on Sansa and her journey, and I look back upon my own personal growth as well.

As a child I was a bit like Arya, wild and tomboyish, but as I grew older, this felt more and more forced. I couldn't truly be myself; I had to hide the parts of me that were feminine, or else be labeled as, heaven forbid, a "girly-girl."

It was almost like I was putting on a show. I'd proudly proclaim that my favorite color was black, and when my mother would remind me in church to sit like a lady I would go out of my way to make sure I did the absolute opposite. It was so deeply ingrained in my mind that I couldn't behave like a "regular girl," that I had to make sure everyone knew that I was a tomboy, because that was better than embracing my femininity. But that's not who I was then, nor who I am now.

I loved fairies and unicorns, I wanted to be a princess and find my prince charming. I like the color pink. I love nice things, things that sparkle. I have a lot of fun doing my makeup. In my younger years, I never could have expressed any of these interests without fear of being ridiculed.

But now as a teenager, engrossed in the world of Game of Thrones, I latched onto Sansa Stark bargaining for the life of Ser Dontos, and defiantly picking up and handing Tyrion the goblet at the Purple Wedding.

You don't have to ride dragons or be an assassin to be powerful. Traditional femininity does not make you weak, and that is something I learned far too late in life.

Being from a small town, I dreamed of leaving it all behind and moving to a big city as far away as possible. I thought I had finally achieved that dream once I got to college, but city life is not as grand as I expected.

There are many instances in my life that I am not proud of. There were times when I believed in and trusted people I shouldn't have, ending up humiliated and ostracized, and I've behaved selfishly and hurt others. Sansa's words would ring bitterly in my mind: "I'm stupid... I never learn."

In those moments where I felt entirely broken, hopeless, and weak, I whispered to myself over and over like a mantra, "porcelain, ivory, steel."

I saw myself in Sansa Stark as she was a porcelain girl leaving Winterfell. I saw myself in Sansa Stark as ivory, bravely facing the Boltons. And I saw myself in Sansa Stark as she became steel, fighting for her home and her family.

I've come a long way, and I still have far to go. I will make more mistakes, but I'll pick myself up again. I will continue to be hurt, and those hurts will serve as many more lessons. I'm a slow learner, it's true, but I learn; and I am a woman made of steel.