Sansa Stark (and Sophie): My Queen Forever

There have been many times when I've wanted to give up on myself. Some days I thought my mental illness would destroy me. Other times, it would be thinking I wasn't good enough to pass my classes, get a job, or get my writing published.

Luckily for me, I have Sansa Stark.

While this last season may not have been my favorite, the final shot of Sansa is one that I'll never forget. For a quick recap, the final episode sees Sansa rejecting the rule of a king, despite the king being her brother, and maintaining the North as an independent kingdom. As a crown is placed on her head, the Northmen sit in the Great Hall before her cheering, "Queen in the North!"

For me, this was the completion of an arc I'd been craving for years. Before Sansa was ruling with quiet confidence, she was a scared teenager. She was essentially a prisoner of Cersei, then Littlefinger, then Ramsay Bolton. She was manipulated, lied to, abused, and treated as a pawn in their grand games. She would try to be strong, try to do the right thing, but would always be kicked down again. I'm often asked, "Oh Sansa? Why is Sansa you're favorite? She does nothing for most of the series."

Well, she does the best thing she can do. She survives. Her siblings are strong in combat and in their values. Sansa has a different strength. Sansa has resilience. She never physically fights anyone, but when they try to mentally break her, she always comes back. As Tyrion said at the start of season eight, many people underestimated her. Those who did are dead now. She outlived them. She bested them and overcame. She became a better leader who realized she could survive anything. For anyone who's had to endure suffering, this is something hard to come by.

In my life, I've had to deal with depression and anxiety. It was at its worst in high school. There would be so many days where getting out of bed was a chore. I felt isolated, alone, and miserable for prolonged periods. I'd have to struggle to regulate my breathing because I would get so nervous my entire body would shake, my stomach would hurt, etc. Still, every day, I had to get up and do what I had to do. It was difficult. During high school and early on in college, I discovered therapy, mindfulness, and medication. Combined with support from family and friends, I was able to slowly get better.

I recently watched a Dr. Phil podcast with Sansa's actor Sophie Turner and found out she too struggles with depression. She described feelings similar to mine, and it was powerful to hear that from someone else the same age as me. I cried when I watched her talk about her experiences. I believe her story will save lives, as Dr. Phil tells her in the end. She has a conviction to help others with the same illness and speak out to ensure people are getting the help they need. In addition to that, a recent Instagram post from Sophie read as a letter to Sansa, saying things like, "Thank you for teaching me resilience, bravery, and what true strength really is." Sophie is inspirational. She's thoughtful and empowered, and that's the best kind of role model for young girls. It's easy to see how she plays Sansa so well.

What I love about Sansa is that even when the writing put her character through awful things. I'm looking at you, Ramsay's wedding and that awful line early in season eight when they make her say she is strong because of the things that happened to her. She isn't strong because she was abused. There is no positive light to abuse. She was strong in spite of that abuse. Instead of caving, she kept fighting to survive and escape. Eventually, she did. Eventually, she brought an army down on Ramsay and was primarily responsible for taking back Winterfell. She already knew how to get allies and to survive tyrants; she did it already with Cersei. Winterfell belongs to the Starks because of her, end of story.

Like Sansa, and Sophie, it took me a little while to stand on my own two feet and be able to get through one day without crying. Eventually, I realized that wow I can write very well. I can go on job interviews. I can get out of bed. Once you start taking those baby steps, anything is possible. I consider myself pretty successful now in that I'm happy, I have a full-time job, I'm taking care of my health, and I'm always sure to be writing. There were times when that seemed impossible; I didn't think I'd live into my 20s. I thought the sadness and emptiness would literally kill me, that I wouldn't be able to function to the point that my body would just stop.

That's why watching Sansa's ending made me weep tears of joy; she took control and she finally announced to the leaders of Westeros that she was capable enough to rule a kingdom. Even the small moment of telling her uncle to sit down was perfect. She was poised and collected. Her reaction to Bran being named King was also perfect. Everyone around her was agreeing to her brother being the king. The peer pressure was there. The uncertainty and anxiety of a new experience was there. Basically, this scenario is a nightmare for someone who has been telling themselves they're not good enough to have a seat at the table (*cough* pre-2018 me *cough*). It would have been easier to agree and say, "Aye." Sansa didn't do that. Sansa made the hard decision, but the right decision. She chose her people, denied her brother's rule in the North, and effectively made herself the rightful queen of her land. She's been looking out for the North for a few seasons, and no one has earned it more than her. Seeing her praised as the Queen in the North is fantastic. It validates all the belief she's built up in herself. She's known for at least two seasons that she is the best ruler for the North. It took a bit of time to get here, but now that belief has concrete evidence in the crown on her head. I'll miss seeing her on TV every week, but I can take comfort in knowing she got to where she is supposed to be. The North couldn't be in better hands.

I could go on forever about why I love Sansa so much, and why Sophie Turner deserves the world, but I feel like I need to wrap it up. Sansa experienced moments that made her want to curl up in bed and never get up. However, she finds in herself the will to push on and look to the future. There's always hope that she can survive until she gets a chance to strike. It happened with Ramsay, and it happened with Littlefinger. She keeps going day by day, until eventually she finds she is worthy. She is smart, and she can command attention because of it. So can every other girl in the world. I've heard too much of Sansa being described as "useless." I think that's a pretty shallow view of one of the most resolute characters in all of Game of Thrones.

Sansa Stark teaches an important lesson of an emotional and mental nature. You are resilient. You can be autonomous and make your own decisions. Your mind is great enough to withstand the worst forces in the universe. You can believe in and love yourself. You are a Queen, too.