The Funniest Harry Potter T-Shirts

This is a pretty solid list of the funniest Harry Potter t-shirts out there, which makes me ask myself, "WHY is this all there is?" I mean really - the Harry Potter series has HUGE potential for developing funny t-shirts (which I firmly believe are one of the three most important components of anyone's wardrobe, along with "comfortable pants" and "at least one jacket that makes you look like you're ready to fly a B-52"). The business opportunity's out there, people. Somebody get busy. I personally would like to request a shirt depicting the scene where Voldemort hugs Draco. Most. awkward. hug. EVER. (What about the part where Ron forgets that he doesn't actually have a wife? What about the part where Ron dances with Professor McGonagall? What about his entire relationship with Lavender and how she calls him "Won-Won?" What about everything that Ron has ever said or done, on a t-shirt?)

Look what ya did, ya little Muggle! This one’s perfect for when you’re fending off goons without appropriate adult supervision - and I think that very aptly describes Dumbledore’s devil-may-care attitude about letting adolescents fight off the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters mostly by themselves. Also. I feel like Macaulay Culkin’s dancing around with cardboard cutouts silhouette scene is similar in awkwardness to that time Hermione and Harry danced in a giant tent when Ron was off somewhere being mad.

The only bad part: if your Patronus was an espresso, you could never drink it (and I feel like a perfect shot of espresso would be JUST the thing after the Dementors almost got you...maybe even better than chocolate).

Yer a gangster, Harry! I didn't choose the gamekeeper life, the gamekeeper life chose me if ya know what I mean, Harry. I got my mind on my Norwegian Ridgeback and my Norwegian Ridgeback on my mind. (I'll stop, you get the idea.) The only problem with swag in the wizarding world is that if you do come across a piece of nice sparkly jewelry, it's probably actually a Horcrux.

I'm gonna be the main event like no wizard was before

I'm brushing up on all my spells, I'm bustin' out that cupboard door...

Oh, I just can't wait to be The Chosen One!

Now this is the story all about how

That pompous brat Potter deserves to be drowned

And I’d like to take a minute, while I arrogantly glare,

And tell you how Lily’s death threw me into the deepest despair.

In the house of Slytherin sorted and raised

In the dungeons where I spent most of my days

Frowning, scowling, taking crap from James Potter

I woulda liked to Cruciatus curse that bloody rotter

When Tom Riddle, who was up to no good,

Made me part of the Death Eater brotherhood.

When my Lily’s love destroyed him I turned to Dumbledore

Now I’m secretly with the good guys tryna settle a score.

Fainting Fancies! Fever Fudge! Nosebleed Nougat! Puking Pastiles! And just remember, the Weasley twins have tested everything they make on themselves first, so you’ll be perfectly fine.

It really is a shame that Victor Hugo and J.K. Rowling couldn’t have had some kind of spiritual connection that allowed him to write Hermione into Les Miserables. Hermione wouldn’t have put up with any of that nonsense. She would have used Polyjuice Potion to bust Cosette out of slavery to the Thénardiers, thrown a quick “Stupefy!” at someone to get Fantine a satisfying job and preventing her from being forced into a wretched life of prostitution, and who knows what else. I guess the lack of suffering would completely defeat the point of the story, but at least we’d get to see Emma Watson kicking trash French Revolution style.

“Oh Raveykins, they’re fighting again. I do so hate it when they fight.”

“You must be strong, Badgy. Just lean a little closer to me on the precarious ribbon you are clinging to and we will snuggle while this pointless rivalry continues.”

I love how Darth’s got a couple of shot glasses and a beer, Voldemort is sipping wine like the sophisticated gentlemen he imagines himself to be, and then there’s the Witch-king of Angmar...who is probably the real badass here and yet he’s the one with the little umbrella in his drink.

While I will never understand people's bizarre fascination with making baby versions of characters, I've got to admit that the little feet are pretty cute. Even Tom Riddle had cute feet as a baby, right??

This may seem inappropriate but they ARE teenagers who kill people (albeit in self-defense). That is pretty gangsta if you ask me. Just because they do it with wands instead of AK-47s doesn’t make it less violent.

Unluckily for you, this probably isn't in the plan for Thanksgiving dinner with your racist aunt and weird cousins.

Can you measure ginger with that teaspoon? *ba dum tsss!*

Admittedly the cassowary and the mantis shrimp would be pretty useless, but if you don't want a baby goat stampede to be your Patronus, what DO you want out of life?

I think that Hogwarts avoids the FAFSA so they don’t have to deal with watching Daniel Radcliffe act through those gritted British teeth. “What is my parent’s annual combined income? What...what kind of bloody insensitive question is that? If my parents hadn’t DIED because Voldemort KILLED them then MAYBE I could fill in that stupid little blank for you but no, they gave their LIVES and all I have is a big old pile of gold in a bank run by GOBLINS!”

This is, in fact, kind of what I imagine Harry doing as an adult...just sculpting away all the childhood trauma and adolescent angst in his little pottery workshop while Ginny's in the house rolling her eyes and worrying about his mid-life crisis. (I haven't read The Cursed Child yet, no spoilers please if that's not how it turns out.)

Um, yeah, but speaking of unusual and rare Patronuses, I feel like this one...takes the cake...I’m so sorry. (Who wouldn’t want this though?? CAKE! Fear the frosting, Dementors! FEAR IT!)

Make Love Not Horcruxes

Horcruxes! What are they good for? Absolutely nothin'! (Say it again!)