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Anyone who knows me knows that I am an extraordinary nerdy person, a fangirl and I am very proud of it. Only few know that being a nerd has saved my life on multiple occasions. It truly started my freshmen year of college, now to be fair I had a decent knowledge of Star Wars and some Marvel before then, but it was a basic knowledge at best. I came home for Christmas break and I realized that I didn’t want to go back to Nashville—which I hated because I loved Nashville, my friends there and the theatre program I was in, but it wasn’t home and I felt alone. Almost every day during Christmas break I watched Lord of the Rings and all three some days—so many times in fact, that my dad burned copies for me to take back across the country with me.
When I got back to Nashville I didn’t feel like doing anything, not going out with my friends, not being around the theatre, didn’t even really feel like breathing anymore and that is when I rediscovered Supernatural. Scrolling through Facebook aimlessly, I comes across an ad for t-shirts advertising Jared Padalecki’s Always Keep Fighting campaign, I recognized the actor from Supernatural and decided to rewatch the show. I finished 10 seasons in two weeks. I started watching convention videos and interviews with Jared and interacting with some of the fandom online, and all of a sudden I wasn’t alone.
The internet is the sanctuary of the nerds, Tumblr in particular, there I started seeing things related to SuperWhoLock. I had only seen the Super part of that beautiful word, Who was a reference to Doctor Who, and Lock being Sherlock. I started watching both immediately, all three became things that could instantly make me feel better. When I wanted to jump out of a 33 story window I could turn on any episode of any of those shows and I could forget about me for a while. Losing myself in these universes was so easy and it let me breathe for awhile, it let me forget about everything I hated about myself and gave me something to love.
I don’t actually remember exactly when my love for Marvel turned into overdrive, maybe when I really turned to screenwriting as something I wanted to do as a career. Not only did I fall in love with the characters, but I fell in love with analyzing them and their relationships. Marvel helped give me a direction, a passion for my life and what I wanted to do.
The worlds that I have gotten an opportunity to live in have given me hope and purpose, but beyond that the other people that love these worlds have given me support and friendship and have made me feel like I am not alone. My dad took me to Supernatural Con after I got home from Nashville and I was surrounded by people who love the same things I do. I wasn’t the weird girl obsessed with a TV show, I was normal and accepted and loved. In fact, in that crowd I was pretty mellow for a fangirl and my dad stuck out like a sore thumb.
I found comfort and safety in these universes, these worlds that could take me away from my own. Supernatural got me home, Sherlock and Doctor Who pulled me out of my dark times since, Marvel gave me something to love and look forward to. Nerdy worlds are the reason that I am still here, the reason why I create, the reason why I write and want to write things that people connect to.