The Top 10 Worst Movies of 2017

I realize that I should probably wait until I see Father Figures before I make my worst of year list (have you seen that trailer? Gah!), but I am going to take the risk. The 10 movies on this list set a very high bar for terrible that I feel good that nothing I see this year could possibly approach how awful these 10 movies are. This year I have seen two movies that are among the most inept, unwatchable movies that I have seen in nearly 20 years as a movie critic.

2017 was an OK year for movies overall. The fact that it only produced 10 truly terrible movies is certainly a point in favor of the year. When 2017 was bad, however, it was really, really bad. Here are the 10 worst movies of 2017.

10 'Free Fire' — Directed by Ben Wheatley

Free Fire is the rare misfire from distributor A24. A violent misfire, Free Fire stars Armie Hammer and Brie Larson and still manages to be incredibly bad. The film is stupid violent, nonsensical, unfunny, and genuinely unpleasant to sit through. It’s likely on this list because I expect so much more from A24, which, in recent years, has placed movies all over my Best of the Year lists. I was really let down by the ugly stupidity of Free Fire.

9 'The Bye Bye Man' — Directed by Stacy Title

The title The Bye Bye Man was nearly insulting enough on it's own for me to put the film on this list; what child named this idiotic character? The Bye Bye Man is really on this list though for its inanity and ill-logic. Little of what The Bye Bye Man appears capable of in the film makes any sense. Why doesn’t The Bye Bye Man just get to the killing? He wastes so much time on rules that don’t matter anyway that the film just feels like 80 minutes of padding and an exceptionally dull conclusion.

8 'Just Getting Started' — Directed by Ron Shelton

I am still shocked that a director as talented as Ron Shelton could direct something as inept and amateurish as Just Getting Started. Juvenile giggling about old people having sex is all that Just Getting Started has and if that doesn’t make you laugh, you won’t find anything about this Tommy Lee Jones-Morgan Freeman ‘Comedy’ very funny. I’m not kidding about that amateurish crack, the filmmaking actually looks as if whoever was running the camera had never run a camera before. They can’t hold the thing straight even on what appears to be intended as a static two shot.

7 'How to be a Latin Lover' — Directed by Ken Marino

Why does Hollywood believe that Eugenio Derbez is a movie star? He’s not handsome, he’s not funny, he’s not charming. I understand he’s a star in Mexico, but that star quality has not transferred to America. Here, Derbez is an unwatchable human nightmare, a comic version of Roberto Benigni minus the few likable qualities.

6 'Collide' — Eran Creevy

In fairness to Collide, I understand the film was repeatedly delayed and underwent a post-production nightmare. That said, the film they finally released was damn near unwatchable. This is a clattering, ungodly mess of a car chase movie that somehow manages to make Sir Anthony Hopkins and Sir Ben Kingsley look terrible at the same time in the same scene.

5 'Table 19' — Directed by Jeffrey Blitz

The award for the most insufferable film of 2017 goes to Table 19, a supposed comedy that has zero laughs. It’s remarkable that any movie could star Anna Kendrick and stink as much as Table 19 truly does. Kendrick is a true star, more often than not the best thing in anything that she is in, but even she can’t overcome the wretched, unfunny, improv mumbling of Table 19.

4 'The Mummy' — Directed by Alex Kurtzman

I feel like I have perhaps overused the word incompetent but it’s hard to think of a word that more aptly describes The Mummy. This attempt to jump start the Universal Pictures 'Dark Universe' was doomed from the start as it was a purely mercenary effort from the beginning, but we are still talking about a Tom Cruise movie. I happen to be one of those who hold Mr. Cruise in high esteem and I expect great things from him and that makes The Mummy that much more of an ungodly disappointment.

3 'The House' — Directed by Andrew Jay Cohen

The worst comedy of the year is yet another spectacular disappointment. The House has all of the ingredients to be a very funny movie. Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler are incredibly funny people. Jason Mantzoukas is one of my favorite comic actors working today. The concept of straightlaced parents running an in-home casino is a strong comic context. It’s too bad then that director Andrew Jay Cohen never knew when to yell cut. Every scene in The House feels like an improv riff that was barely funny to begin with and doesn’t get funny by going on and on and on and on. The House also suffers from indulging the Seth Macfarlane notion that extreme violence in a comedy is funny. The House has one violent, bloody scene that goes on for seemingly endless periods of time and is never for one moment funny.

2 'Sleepless' — Directed by Baron Bo Odar

Incompetence barely scratches the surface of Sleepless. This Jamie Foxx as bad cop thriller is wildly, daringly, wretchedly incompetent. TV directors on their worst day would toss the final product that is Sleepless in a trash can and call for reshoots. The movie is interminable. It has no pace, the characters are dull, except for poor Dermot Mulroney, a professional actor of many years who is made to look like a chump amateur by director Baron Bo Odar’s bungling direction. I hate this movie so so so very much.

1 'Blind' – Directed by Michael Mailer

I can barely bring myself to recall my memories of Blind. Watching this Alec Baldwin-Demi Moore relationship drama was a traumatizing experience. I was left in pain while I attempted to understand the bizarre tone and creepy atmosphere of a movie that is not supposed to be creepy in any way. The dynamic between Baldwin and Moore at times made my skin crawl. It was like watching two people who don’t speak the same language awkwardly try and carry on a lengthy first date at gunpoint. The film is wildly misconceived in every possible way to the point where I can only compare it to something like Tommy Wiseau’s The Room. I don’t say that lightly, Blind reminded me of the same queasy experience I had seeing The Room for the first time and trying to put it into some kind of rational context. That’s how bad Blind truly is.