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Ultimate Freaks and Geeks Pop Culture Guide

Stuffed into the iconic 18 episodes of Freaks and Geeks are enough pop culture references to educate a millennial generation.

By Frank WhitePublished 7 years ago 167 min read
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Freaks and Geeks is one of the rare series, cut short, but hangs together perfectly as 18 episodes of pure genius. It has a beginning, a body and that rare quality so hard to find in singular seasons cut short; an end. As such it does not suffer the same fate as so many series, unfinished for lack of renewal. Irrespective of the fact that there are so many success stories that evolved from this unique series, the style, vibe and humor was way ahead of its time, and stands on its own as an iconic creative accomplishment. It defined the 1980s for a generation of millennials. The 18 episodes are literally a pop culture encyclopedia. The detailed analysis that follows takes a look at each and every episode, specifically looking at the show from a pop culture trivia standpoint wheneve applicable. As you read through the episodes, it becomes clear that the show was about more than its individuals, more about the whole and mostly one huge metaphor for the 1980s. The show was about defining the categories that separate us, and then using pop culture to deconstruct those divisions. At the end of the 18 episode story arc, pop culture unites us all, and we realize we are all Freaks and Geeks.

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 1 - Pilot

The pilot episode of 1999's cult classic Freaks and Geeks starts off with young love at a high school in 1980—a cheerleader and a football player declaring their mutual affection on the bleachers— while underneath it we find the so-called “freaks.” Led somewhat by the offhandedly edgy and mysterious Daniel, the freaks discuss overbearing parents, offensive t-shirts, and the one true God:John Bonham from Led Zeppelin. Daniel here is played by a young James Franco. Next up, the show’s “geeks.” A young nerdy teen (Sam) and his two equally nerdy friends, Neal and Bill, are set upon by a bully who mocks Sam’s love of Bill Murray and threatens to beat him up— until he’s scared off by Sam’s older sister, Lindsay, played by Linda Cardellini.

At home, Lindsay and Sam talk homecoming, an event which neither wants to attend. Sam wants to watch a Monty Python marathon down at the local theatre, while Lindsay’s opposed to the dance on a more basic and scornful level. Her parents, however, think it’s a great socializing opportunity and blackmail her into going.

Next day at the school cafeteria, the geeks talk Star Trek and John Wayne until they’re harassed by bully Alan again. He crushes Sam’s dessert and is offhandedly chastised by a teacher, who makes him buy Sam a new dessert before telling Sam to shape up and be more of a man. Ouch. The geeks try plotting a bit of revenge, but aren’t terribly successful.

Meanwhile, with the freaks, Daniel (who seems to have taken a shine to our leading lady) introduces Lindsay to the gang. They wear dark colors, they hang out on the “smoking deck” and one, Ken, happily points out his intention to do “shrooms after school.” Lindsay, slightly uncomfortable, asks if any of them plan to attend the homecoming dance and receives an emphatic negative, along with comments on the general worthlessness of the disco music that will no doubt be played.

As Lindsay tries to fit in with the freaks, she’s drawn aside by shy “mathlete” Millie, a former close friend, who desperately wants Lindsay to enter the upcoming math decathlon. Lindsay firmly declines.

Still in the cafeteria, Sam’s advised by his friends to avoid Alan “like Han Solo avoided Jabba the Hutt.” The Alan problem is no closer to being solved, but Sam’s quickly distracted when cute cheerleader Cindy walks over and hands him his jacket with a smile, saying he’d left it behind in their last class. Sam’s crush on her intensifies, and he’s encouraged by Neal and Bill.

Continuing to try to remedy her dance-date-less situation, Lindsay finally asks Eli, a special education student who’s delighted at the prospect. He’s slightly less delighted later when Lindsay, in an attempt to protect him, tells him that the boys he thought were his friends aren’t really friends—they’re just hanging out to laugh at him because he’s “retarded.” Eli’s understandably hurt by this description and, in an attempt to run off, trips and breaks his arm (shortly after unceremoniously dumping Lindsay as a potential dance partner).

After seeing Lindsay looking sad in her next class, “freak” Nick gets her to skip out with him and takes her to his house, where he shows her his drum kit (saying it’s just like Neil’s from the famous Canadian rock band Rush) and offers to pretend to be her date to the dance. After making a show of picking her up, he suggests they can avoid the dance and hang out with the other freaks. Lindsay’s happy with that, but just when it seems things are looking up, they’re caught by the school guidance counselor. First trying to blackmail Lindsay into competing in the math decathlon, he later settles for reporting everything to her parents and insisting that she man the refreshment table at the homecoming dance.

At home, Lindsay’s lectured by her father, who views skipping a class as the first step in a long road to eventual doom and despair, citing Kennedy, Hendrix, and Joplin as warning examples of the tragic death awaiting her. Lindsay storms off and later chats with her brother, where we learn that she was the only one with her beloved grandmother when she died. After a long life of goodness and virtue, her dying grandmother had told Lindsay that she saw “nothing” on the other side, leading Lindsay to rebel against her former good-girl self and join the freaks.

Sam wishes she’d reconsider, but he’s got problems of his own to worry about. He and his friends set up a time to ambush Alan and beat him up, hoping it’ll lead him to lay off them as a group, but at the time they’re supposed to meet up, Neal and Bill are left on their own as Sam’s distracted by Cindy. Nervously, he asks her to the dance and she tells him she’s already got a date. Still, she promises to save him a dance. Sam’s pleased with that, and Neal and Bill (along with another boy, who originally came to watch the fight) are feeling pretty good about themselves after drawing more or less to a stalemate in their not-so-epic battle against Alan.

At the homecoming dance, Sam tows Cindy out to the floor for a nervous and hopeful first dance, which ends up going very well. Lindsay, manning the refreshment table with Millie, watches him and smiles. Seeing Eli in a cast standing against the far wall, Lindsay walks over and asks him to dance. He agrees, and the siblings end the episode dancing happily to "Come Sail Away."

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 2 - Beers and Weirs

Episode two of 1999’s cult classic Freaks and Geeks (with the appropriately rhyming title of “Beers and Weirs”) begins with the Weir family all together. When their parents announce that they’ll be gone for a couple of days, Lindsay and Sam manage to bargain their way out of having a babysitter. Score! Then, after hearing about the performances their parents intend to catch, the kids mock their musical choices. Papa Weir asks if they’d rather he listened to the Sex Pistols. (The Sex Pistols broke up in 1978, two years before Freaks and Geeks is set, but their gratuitously offensive and chaotic performances remain legendary). At school, Lindsay runs into a depressed Nick who’s mourning the loss of John Bonham—Led Zeppelin’s lead drummer—and the subsequent demise of Led Zeppelin as a whole. When Lindsay asks why they don’t just get a new drummer, Nick’s dismayed by her lack of understanding.

Soon enough they meet up with the rest of the freaks who are discussing shoplifting tips and tricks, with Daniel and the Lindsay-hating blonde Kim sniping at each other. Their on-again-off-again relationship’s at a decided low point. Still, everyone cheers up upon hearing that Lindsay’s parents are going to be gone. Obviously a kegger party is in order. Lindsay’s not so sure, but is quickly pressured into it.

Later in the afternoon, the school attends an (excruciating) series of short plays about the importance of notdrinking featuring Lindsay’s conservative friend Millie and Sam’s cheerleader crush Cindy. Geek Bill reads Cracked Magazine (yep, Cracked.com used to be a magazine ---- it was founded in 1958 as a knock-off of the best-selling Mad Magazine), while the freaks slouch in back and exercise their mocking skills. Daniel, seated next to Lindsay, makes some lewd comment about Cindy and then lays his head on Lindsay’s shoulder, much to her delight.

John Bonham Died

While the freaks call Lindsay out of her next class to head out and buy a keg, the geeks talk ways to save Lindsay from the hells of alcoholism. Sam tries to convince her to have a beer-less party, but Lindsay dismisses him. Finally, after discussing the finer points of Dirty Harry, the geeks determine to not only go to the party—against Bill’s desire to stay home and watch Dallas—but to head over to the liquor store, buy an identical keg of nonalcoholic beer, and switch it with the keg Lindsay’s got chilling in the Weir living room.

The plan goes off almost without a hitch, and Neal is selected to distract Lindsay while Sam and Bill switch kegs. He suggests she play music by Chicago to really get things going at the party, but Lindsay says she was thinking something more along the heavier lines of Zeppelin, Foghat, or Sabbath—all freak-worthy choices. The distracting goes well, and the keg of real beer is safely hidden in Sam’s room.

When the freaks show up, they’re amused by the posters Lindsay’s hung in an attempt to liven the place up. Ken (as the chief abuser of substances among the freaks) has helpfully brought his own mug and camps out directly beside the keg, as more and more students trickle in. Alarmed by the sheer number of kids, Sam starts hiding all breakables—a good thing, as shortly afterward a group of four middle-aged guys turn up “for the free beer,” saying they were invited by Daniel. Lindsay’s concerned, but is too enamored with Daniel to un-invite them.

Meanwhile, much to the dismay of the geeks, the placebo effort is proving to be a formidable force. Despite not actually consuming any alcohol, the students think they’re getting drunk anyway. Partygoers start acting more and more intoxicated, including the singing of a round of slurred karaoke (about Jesus, no less) and an almost-fight between Ken and one of the middle-aged guys. Daniel only just manages to defuse the situation. As all this goes down, Bill, who’s “guarding” the real keg and watching his beloved Dallas in Sam’s room, can’t resist the temptation to try just a little real beer. Well, it starts off as “just a little”…

Overwhelmed slightly by the chaos, Lindsay wanders away from the main party looking for Daniel and finds him, unhappily for her, lying on her bed and making out with Kim. She’s crushed and takes off, ending up outside, where she discovers Nick taking a break from the festivities. Although he’s initially sympathetic, he tries to take off her bra while hugging her and Lindsay shoves him away, running back to the house as he calls after her that his judgement was impaired due both to being wasted and John Bonham’s death. Lindsay’s not buying it.

Neal finds Lindsay crying in her parents’ bedroom and tries to comfort her, but ends up confessing to his crush on her and upsetting her further. Oops. The final straw for Lindsay’s mental well-being comes when the partygoers declare their intention to order another keg. Neal proceeds to save the day by calling the police (with Lindsay’s approval) and posing as a neighbour who’s upset about noise.

When the cops show up, the students scatter. Ken’s still holding his beer, so Sam confesses to him that it’s not actually real beer. Ken replies that he’d known that from the beginning, but he’d managed to win $85 playing quarters against “drunk” students and the party was, in his opinion, great. The last people to leave are Daniel and Kim, still all over each other. Kim tells Lindsay that she’d done an awesome job hostessing, and they’d had a wonderful time.

Lindsay is less than delighted under the circumstances. She’s only too happy to close the door on them and drag herself off to her (hopefully undefiled) bed. On the way there, she passes Bill, who’s lying drunk out of his gourd in the doorway of Sam’s room. Lindsay informs him that that’s almost exactly how the drummer of Led Zeppelin had died, and Bill manages a faint “good night” as she closes her door. No word on what the Weir kids will end up doing with almost a full keg of beer hidden in Sam’s room. (Or, for that matter, what they’ll do with Bill).

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 3 - Tricks and Treats

Episode three of Freaks and Geeks entitled "Tricks and Treats" opens with our favorite band of geeks, Bill, Neal, and Sam, who've all gathered together for one goal: make Bill eat something really gross for $10. Neal and Sam mix up a disgusting smoothie of various unfortunate foods and hand it over, delighted to see Bill actually drink it. They’re slightly less delighted when he pronounces it ‘not bad.’ Better luck next time, boys.

The Nude Bomb

At home with the Weir family, Sam is asked if he’ll be trick-or-treating. Nah, he says, he’s too old. Instead, he plans to go see The Nude Bomb, pointing out that it’s a Get Smart movie when his dad asks suspiciously if it’s dirty. (The Nude Bomb, which came out in 1980, was indeed a film based on the old TV series Get Smart — and, despite the title and premise, had very little actual nudity. It was not a box office success). Meanwhile, Lindsay will be handing out candy with their mom, who’s a little Halloween-crazy.

As the geeks sit in class later that day, the teacher lectures the class for not choosing good enough books to report on for an assignment. These ‘embarrassing’ books include Al Jaffee’s Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions, taken from a series of sarcastic humor books by former Marvel artist and famed Mad Magazine contributor, Al Jaffee. The teacher suggests Crime and Punishment as a far superior alternative and hands out copies, which the students view with alarm.

On break, Lindsay heads up to the deck where the freaks hang out. Daniel and Kim are all over each other, and Kim, apparently back to disliking our heroine, accuses a confused Lindsay of screwing over another student before revealing it to be all a Halloween prank. Lindsay’s stung and irritated, but retains her composure, and later Daniel asks if she’d be interested in coming along — on Halloween he, Kim, and Nick are going to borrow his uncle’s Cadillac and cruise around. It’ll be sort of a double-date! Lindsay’s tempted, but says she can’t as she’ll be handing out treats with her mom.

At lunch, the geeks gripe about Crime and Punishment. Sam suggests that they embrace their childhood and all go trick-or-treating before an event (with the hot hot-dog-selling girls from the mall!) that Neal and Bill want to attend. It’s agreed, trick-or-treating will happen.

While wandering outside, Lindsay sees one thing that she definitely hadn't expected: Millie, her conservative athlete friend, is kissing a boy! When she catches Lindsay staring, Millie explains that the boy is her ‘secret love’ Tommy, and Lindsay wasn't supposed to know because Millie thought she might be upset. You know, seeing as Lindsay’s boyfriend-less and all. This causes Lindsay to march back into the school and tell Nick and Daniel who are busy sitting under the stairs discussing the rock band Santana, that she's decided to go out with them and her mom will have to manage alone. Santana was preparing to release what would be yet another platinum-selling album, 1981's Zebop!

That night at dinner, Sam declares his intention to go trick-or-treating. Their dad disapproves, but their mother is pleased. The next day, she informs Lindsay that she’d bought her a costume for handing out candy, and Lindsay doesn't have to heart to tell her about the Daniel/Nick/Kim excursion. The geeks gear up for Halloween with Sam as the robot Gort (from 1951's pioneering sci-fi film The Day The Earth Stood Still), Neal as Groucho Marx, and Bill as the Bionic Woman (running from 1976-1978, The Bionic Woman, the story of a beautiful tennis pro turned cyborg, was a quick hit and remains a beloved classic today). A last-minute tag-along friend knocks on the Weir door, and ‘compliments’ their mother by saying her cowgirl outfit makes her look ‘like Richard Benjamin in Westworld.’ Ouch. Benjamin played the decidedly masculine Peter Martin in 1973's Westworld. Amid the confusion, Daniel pulls up outside in his Cadillac and Lindsay dashes out, promising to be back soon.

The double date has become a quintet, as Ken’s plans to watch a Ted Nugent concert fell through and he’s now squashed into the back of the car with Nick and Lindsay. Funnily enough, at that period Nugent was remarkable among rockers for swearing off alcohol, tobacco, and weed. These are all things that Ken seems quite devoted to. Kim’s snarky to Lindsay and she’s additionally unnerved by the seeming lack of anything else to do except driving around, but Nick’s attentiveness cheers her up.

Trick-or-treating as older kids proves trying for the geeks. They get funny looks. Especially Bill, who makes an unexpectedly good woman, although his thick glasses do his Bionic Woman costume no favors. At one house they’re lectured for being too old and have their costumes mocked. At the Weir home, mom isn't having a great time either. Parents refuse to allow their kids to eat her homemade Halloween cookies, and later she’s informed that 99% of cookie-takers are simply tossing them on her front lawn. She sends dad out for wrapped candy.

The freaks are doing better or worse, depending on your opinion. They’re happily vandalizing and smashing peoples’ jack-o-lanterns. Nick goes first, but when Lindsay tries to mirror his actions she fails. She gets her shoe stuck in the pumpkin and has to run back to the car carrying it, while Kim laughs hysterically in the front seat. Still, Lindsay hangs in there and eventually gets into it, even hanging outside the car window to bash passing mailboxes with a baseball bat.

Her self esteem is certainly higher than that of the geeks, who are laughed at by the hot hot-dog girls that Neal and Bill were looking forward to. As humiliation really sets in, they run into bully Alan and a couple of his friends, who beat them up and take their candy. Neal blames Sam.

As the geeks melt down, the freaks break out some eggs and Kim and Lindsay gleefully chuck them at a group of trick-or-treaters — who happen to be Sam, Neal, and Bill. Sam takes an egg to the forehead and has his costume permanently killed, while the others sustain more minor damage. Still, the outing is officially ruined. Neal and Bill trudge home. Lindsay, realizing who she hit, makes Daniel back the car up so she can frantically apologize to Sam. Unfortunately for Lindsay, Sam’s not buying it. He refuses her apologies and unhappily begins to make his way home, while Lindsay demands the freaks drop her off at home too. She wants out. Kim tells Daniel to drop her off, saying she knew Lindsay would be ‘a drag’ anyway.

Sam gets home just before Lindsay does, but, in answer to their parents’ questions, he doesn't rat his sister out. He heads upstairs while Lindsay and her mom have a chat. She's sad that Lindsay avoided telling her that she didn't want to hand out candy and additionally bemoaning the youth of today, Sam-injuring hooligans that they are. Lindsay goes up to talk to Sam, who’s still angry. He tells her that nobody thinks she’s cool, and she replies that she already knows that. Everybody is sad.

In her room, Lindsay finds the costume bag her mom left for her. When the doorbell next rings, a group of adorable trick-or-treaters are on the steps and Lindsay joins her cowgirl mom wearing the costume. It turns out to be a prince’s costume — the shop mixed them up and it was supposed to be a princess costume. The two laugh about the mistake and happily hand out candy. Aw.

Upstairs, their dad stops in to check on Sam, who’s in bed reading Crime and Punishment with what looks like a Battlestar Galactica poster on his wall. Battlestar Galactica has had a big impression on sci-fi for such a short-running show and it originally ran from 1978-1979. It’s spawned multiple books, a short continuation series, a three-hour mini-series, a weekly series that ran from 2004-2009, and now a film is rumored to be in the works. (Nice work!). Dad says not to stay up too late, and Sam promises that he won’t.

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 4 - Kim Kelly is My Friend

Episode four of Freaks and Geeks (‘Kim Kelly Is My Friend’) begins with donuts. Millie’s carrying an open box of donuts through the hall when Daniel grabs one, followed by Nick. Millie grudgingly allows them, but when turning to leave is knocked into and de-donuted by a girl (later revealed to be called Karen) who’s accompanied by Kim and yells at Millie. Ouch.

The K-named duo of dickishness strike again when Karen finds Sam accidentally trying to open her locker instead of his own. After a number of cutting comments about him in general, she writes ‘GEEK’ on his locker in lipstick and mocks him for being small. Kim laughs along with her. The geeks are not impressed. (Karen’s actress, Rashida Jones, went on after Freaks and Geeks to a vast number of both TV and film roles, but is probably best known for her role in the central cast of NBC’s Parks and Recreation.

At lunch, Lindsay tries to join the freaks (where Kim’s gossiping about Karen’s sex life ---- apparently her boyfriend just broke up with her after finding out she was also sleeping with his older brother), but, when she asks who Kim’s talking about, Kim is sarcastic. Lindsay leaves to go sit at another table, this one inhabited by the misfit crowd, and Nick chivalrously follows her. He offers to tell Kim off and Lindsay asks him to promise not to, unwilling to add to the drama.

Sam scrubs the lipstick off his locker as Neal unhelpfully snarks at him, including throwing out a Twilight Zone reference. The Twilight Zone, running from 1959-1964, was one of the first serious sci-fi shows. It was known both for its innovative episodes and its cast, which contained both established stars and younger pre-famous stars, such as William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, Burt Reyolds, and Robert Redford.

Unfortunately for the geeks, Karen, wearing the above Journey shirt, catches them walking away and confronts Sam, telling him she’ll have to remark the locker in his blood. Sam refuses to fight her and Karen amps up the scorn, extending it to Neal and Bill. After referring to Neal as ‘Bilbo Baggins’. She calls the trio ‘deformed’ before stomping away. Bad day all ‘round.

After overhearing Kim having a loud and aggressive phone conversation with her mother, Lindsay’s surprised to have her tag along on the way to class. Kim’s suspiciously friendly, asking how Lindsay’s doing and wanting Lindsay to get in touch with her after school. Lindsay’s baffled, but agrees. Meanwhile, Sam leaves class to find that Karen’s sharpie’d ‘PYGMY GEEK’ on his locker and, while trying frantically to cover it up with his own marker, is caught by a teacher. Assuming he did all of the locker-defacing, the teacher orders Sam to write an essay on vandalism by the next morning.

Post-school, Kim asks Lindsay to come over to her house for dinner. Lindsay’s understandably skeptical of Kim’s motives, but eventually agrees to be picked up at 5:30. However, when Lindsay informs her mother of this, Sam calls Kim a psycho and later asks Lindsay why she wants to hang out with a girl who bullies him and calls him a geek. Lindsay retorts that maybe he is a geek, but quickly apologizes. When Kim pulls up, Lindsay asks her to please lay off Sam and Kim’s non committal, quickly moving on to ranting about her parents.

While Jamie’s Cryin’ (released in 1978 by the hard rock/heavy metal band Van Halen, an appropriate band for the freaks) plays on the radio, Kim explains how her aunt had given her this car (a beat-up AMC Gremlin, which, interestingly, was quite a popular car for drag racing in the ‘70s) and her parents are trying to take it away. They hate all her friends except Lindsay, who Kim has built up as a paragon of excellent behavior and is pretending to be BFFs with. At the last minute before meeting the parents in question, Kim informs Lindsay that her parents think she stays over at Lindsay’s every Friday and that last weekend they’d gone waterskiing at Lindsay’s family’s nonexistent vacation home. Eeek. Lindsay tries to smile and nod her way through dinner as Kim’s crass parents grill her for information, including asking for discounts from her father’s store.

Back with the geeks, Neal and Bill are playing with a chemistry lab kit while Sam writes his essay. When Neal boasts that he wouldn’t have let Karen push him around, Sam points out that he’d run away when she called him Bilbo Baggins, and Neal retorts that at least he’s not a pygmy. (Since Freaks and Geeks, Neal’s actor Sam Levine has gone on to have roles in 22 movies and 43 TV shows, as well as appearing regularly on talk and comedy shows. Sadly, he did not have a role in The Hobbit)

Returning to the most uncomfortable dinner ever, Kim’s parents probe further about Lindsay’s fake vacation home and soon realize she’s lying, which causes them to flip their collective shiznit. After screaming at Kim, they blame her car and try to take away her keys, but Kim fights them and manages to toss the keys to Lindsay, who runs out, jumps in the Gremlin, and locks the doors. Kim’s stepfather yells and rocks the car, but eventually Kim is able to flee the house and climb in, frantically trying to start the car as her stepfather climbs up the hood. Finally she and Lindsay are able to escape.

As drama unfolds at Kim’s, Neal and Sam are still fighting over who the bigger geek is. Sam’s Tonka Truck collection is cited. When Bill is consulted, he, under duress, says that Sam’s the geekier of the two. Neal’s condescending, mentioning Einstein (cool), Gilligan (the bumbling, escape-foiling first mate in Gilligan’s Island? Burn), and Gomer Pyle (the mouth-breathing mechanic first seen in The Andy Griffith Show? Double burn) as possible role models for Sam. Sam slaps him, and the two roll around fighting until they knock over the chemistry set, which immediately begins to smoke. Sam orders everybody out.

Gomer Pyle

In search of Daniel, Kim stops by a place he and Nick often go to shoot hoops. Nick’s shooting hoops, but Daniel isn’t . . . instead, Kim and Lindsay see him apparently romancing Karen, caressing her face and letting her suck on his fingers. Kim’s shattered and chases them with her car, hitting nobody, before driving furiously to Lindsay’s house. Outside, Sam’s sadly tossing his Tonka Trucks (if he actually had tossed them, no doubt they’d still be in the landfill in 2014 ---- the Tonka Trucks had a reputation for being indestructible, which was great for kids and significantly less so for the clumsy adults who tripped over them in the night).

As Lindsay tries to be sympathetic, Kim breaks down, saying that she never wants to see Daniel again (even though he’s declared to be sexier than British rocker Rod Stewart, who, entertainingly, had released his disco hit "Da Ya Think I’m Sexy" in 1978. Sorry Rod, apparently not as sexy as Daniel). She adds that she’s so aggressive because Daniel will sleep with anything that moves, and she has to work to keep him. Now her life sucks ---- her parents hate her and her only friend is Lindsay, who’s ‘a total loser . . . no offense’.

Lindsay and Kim end up sitting down to dinner, where Kim cries and asks Lindsay’s dad why men are such pigs. He’s at a loss. Right after Sam runs off to vomit after overeating, the phone rings ---- and it’s Kim’s mom, who shrieks at Lindsay’s mom. Confused, she promptly pulls Lindsay aside and says that she doesn’t think Kim’s very nice. As Lindsay tries to explain the situation, Kim shows up and is polite, asking if they would mind if she stayed a little longer. Lindsay’s mom tells her she can, and then asks Lindsay if maybe Kim would appreciate some ice cream. Yes, it turns out. They gather in the living room to watch TV as Kim regales them with the tale of how her brother was extremely drunk one night and police beat him with billy clubs, and now he probably has brain damage. The Weirs are horrified.

At this point, Lindsay opens the front door to find Nick, who says that Daniel wants to talk to Kim. Kim refuses loudly and with insults, and, when the Weir parents say that maybe she should try telling him how she feels, Kim declares that they can bite her and storms off down the hall . . . into Sam’s room, who is most unimpressed. He commands her to get out and describes the things she and Karen have done to him, but Kim rants that Karen is no friend of hers and details the various ways she’s going to mangle Karen the next day.

In the kitchen, Mrs. Weir is doing dishes when Daniel walks in, scaring her. Lindsay quickly introduces him, and things are relatively calm until Kim turns up. She yells at Daniel and he asks why ‘she has to be such a bitch’. Wrong thing to say. Kim screams and smacks him around while Daniel protests that nothing happened and he loves her, repeating it until she calms down and everyone leaves to give them some privacy. After a brief break from the drama (and after Nick is introduced to the Parents Weir), the sound of Kim giggling is heard and Lindsay’s mother opens the kitchen door, saying that everyone deserves to see a happy ending. A happy ending indeed, as they catch Daniel and Kim either having sex or some exceptionally vigorous dry humping. Awkward. Lindsay okays Kim leaving her Gremlin outside when the freaks take off, and Kim says that maybe they can hang out when she returns for it. After the door’s closed Lindsay quickly runs off to do homework, leaving her parents dismayed.

At school the next day Sam and Neal make up, and, shortly afterwards, Sam hands his essay to the teacher . . . who declares that he’ll post it on Sam’s locker. They round the corner to find the word SLUT spray painted in huge red letters on Karen’s locker, as Karen stares in horror. The teacher declares that he’s giving up and throws Sam’s essay away. Karen threateningly asks Sam if he’d done it and he’s spluttering when Kim steps up and tells Karen that it was her. Over Karen’s protests, Kim informs her of her impending pulverization, then commands her to get out. After Karen does, Sam hesitatingly thanks Kim. “No problem, dude,” Kim replies. Sam smiles.

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 5 - Tests and Breasts

Episode five of Freaks and Geeks (‘Tests and Breasts’) begins with that most entertaining class in high school . . . the dreaded Sex Ed. The teacher’s reading from a textbook as Neal and Bill chat behind Sam, with a diagram of the female reproductive system prompting Neal to whisper, “Didn’t Sigourney Weaver kill that thing in Alien?” ah, 1979's Alien, home of the creepily sexual Facehugger and Chestbuster.

The designs were in fact chosen for that exact reason, as developers felt that the disturbingly genital-esque creatures would evoke ‘discomfort’ in viewers). Unfortunately for Sam, when he tries to make them pipe down, the teacher thinks he’s the talker and asks him to get up and teach if he’s so knowledgeable, calling him ‘Doctor Love’. Sam tries and it doesn’t go well. When asked to point out the vagina, he fails utterly and is totally humiliated before the class. Not feeling the love.

Flash to Daniel in math class. He’s totally failing, and is told that he’ll have to repeat the year if he bombs another test. Cue sad Daniel. Meanwhile, in the cafeteria, the jocks make a dirty joke that the geeks don’t get at all. While Sam’s feeling inadequate in the area of sexytimes, he runs into pretty cheerleader Cindy, who tells him to be sure to stop by her booth at the upcoming carnival. Sam volunteers to help out if she needs an extra pair of hands, but she’s already got that covered. When she leaves, Sam’s mocked by a group of guys who call him Doctor Love and snicker at his lack of know-how. This nickname seems to be proving difficult to shake.

Outside, Kim happily tells Lindsay that she’d stolen $20 from her mother and watched said parent beat her brother with a spatula for the crime. Lindsay practices her uncomfortable laughter. After Kim and Nick get into a fight and leave (Kim affronted, Nick apologetic), Lindsay sees Daniel sitting alone and asks him what’s up. He lays his math woes on her, and Lindsay offers to tutor him. This will absolutely go well. Elsewhere, Sam tells an older boy the dirty joke he’d heard earlier (punchline: “And then the guy says, ‘How do you think I rang the doorbell?’.”). The guy says that while he personally gets the joke, he won’t tell the geeks. He instructs the geeks that they must work at love if they want to get an A, but not before sloppily making out with his girlfriend. Klassy.

Still desperate to understand the joke, Sam tells it to his parents, who profess to not get it. His mother says, ‘You know who’s funny? That Red Buttons!’

Thanks mom (Red Buttons, who got his stage name from a combination of his red hair and his teenage job as a bellhop, was an actor and comedian who appeared in many movies from the ‘40s up, often starring alongside greats such as John Wayne and Paul Newman. A knock sounds at the door and Lindsay says it’s Daniel, then tells her parents exactly who Daniel is and why he’s there. Her father gets the door and gives Daniel stink-eye for smoking (if you’re wondering why her parents don’t seem to know Daniel, it’s most likely because the show’s preceding episode, Kim Kelly Is My Friend, was never aired during the show’s original run, although it was later included in reruns). Daniel heads up to Lindsay’s room with her but then tells her that he really needs to finish his smoke before working.

When he goes outside to finish his smoke, Daniel finds Sam studying an anatomical textbook and tells him, smiling, that anything worth knowing won’t be in that book. Sam’s confused. Daniel grins and says that he’ll find Sam the next day at school and ‘set him up’, which both excites Sam and confuses him further. Leaving a baffled Sam behind, Daniel goes back upstairs and demonstrates his lack of ability at math. Lindsay tries, but miracles are not worked. Eventually, Daniel decides to call it quits, as he won’t be prepared for his test tomorrow either way.

Back in school, Neal and Sam argue about the Hulk Versus the Thing ---- who would win in a fight? Sam points out that the Thing only has to wait until the Hulk turns into Bill Bixby again and then commence clobberin’ (if you’re wondering why the Hulk’s not turning into ‘Bruce Banner’, this is because Neal and Sam are referring to the late ‘70s TV show The Incredible Hulk, which starred actor Bill Bixby as ‘David Banner’, although it’s better known for Lou Ferrigno’s iconic role as the titular Hulk). Neal agrees. At that point Daniel waylays Sam and hands him a wrapped package, instructing him to not uncover it in public as Daniel both wants it back and doesn’t want it confiscated. Sam nods and the geeks take off. On to the next item of business for Daniel. He stops by the lockers and snags Nick, stationing him at the doorway to Daniel’s math classroom to provide advance warning if the teacher turns up.

Nick agrees. While he’s standing guard, he’s chatted up by a girl, who asks if Nick knows that she and a friend will be singing Super Trouper at the talent show ‘while dressed as ABBA’ (this would be difficult, as ABBA had four members, two of them male.

The song she’s referring to was released in 1980 and proceeded to top charts in multiple countries ---- although not in the US). Nick pays only the slightest of attentions and then sees the teacher approaching, so he drums on the door (successfully warning Daniel) and heads off, leaving the girl disappointed. As Daniel and Nick escape up the stairs, the geeks huddle under the stairs and open their package to find a movie . . . a dirty movie. Sam’s shocked and says that only perverts look at porn, but Neal rejoins that everybody does it and offers to have the gang by later to watch it on his projector. Party time.

Upstairs, Daniel locates Lindsay and asks her to help fill out the test, but she’s not cool with that. She offers to instead help him by asking the teacher (who likes her) to grant Daniel an extension. Nope, the teacher replies, upon the asking. He calls Daniel a loser who needs to get gone and tells Lindsay that he’s dragging her down and she should stop letting her cute-boy-helping hormones lead her astray. Lindsay, annoyed, promptly turns around and offers to help Daniel. She does, he turns it in, and, while he gets an ‘A’, the teacher confronts Lindsay and tells her that he knew she’d helped Daniel cheat (aided by an anonymous note to that effect). She denies it, but he says they’ll talk about it tomorrow and that she’s in big trouble. Lindsay freaks out. She wants to confess, but Daniel instructs her to deny everything. She points out that she’s not the best liar. Daniel promises to get her out of trouble, asking her to trust him.

In Neal’s garage, the geeks cautiously turn on the dirty movie. Neal’s really into it, but Sam is disgusted and horrified and Bill’s slowly tuning it out. Not so sexy. When Neal asks if they want to watch it again. Sam declares that he’s going home and slouches out the door, while Bill quietly asks if Neal thinks that watching the movie will send him to hell. Sigh. At home, Sam’s not hungry and leaves dinner early, right before the Weir family gets a call from school. When their dad answers, he’s told that Lindsay’s been cheating and immediately takes her to task, saying that next thing they know she’ll be turning into Patty Hearst (this doesn’t seem likely. Patty Hearst became famous as a textbook victim of Stockholm Syndrome, which led her to join the group of rebels who kidnapped her in 1974 and later to rob a bank with them. The freaks are more into shoplifting). Lindsay’s mad and upset that they won’t even consider hearing her side of the story.

After Neal hangs out with the cool kids a while (telling them the dirty joke ---- they get it), he gets together with Sam and Bill for lunch. They’re remaining pretty quiet, so Neal tries to make conversation about the newest The Dukes of Hazzard episode (airing from 1979-1985, The Dukes of Hazzard was the TV show to watch if you liked action, adventure, car chases, and short-shorts. It was also notable as one of the first shows to feature a car, The General Lee, as almost a main character). Things are still grim when Cindy stops by to ask if Sam can help her out after all. Uncomfortable, Sam tells her that he can’t, and also he’s really busy. She leaves, disappointed.

Lindsay, meanwhile, is getting more nervous. She almost confesses to the guidance counselor (and does confess to Millie, who think she’s kidding). When she tracks down Kim, Kim doesn’t know where Daniel is but is sympathetic, although she laughs at Lindsay’s belief that she’ll be able to tutor Daniel. She says that Daniel will just get the answers from somebody else, like he always does. Around then, Daniel himself turns up, playfully wrestling Kim and demanding a high five from Lindsay. Lindsay’s still upset. Later, when she and he meet before their school-mandated hearing, she wants to tell the truth. Daniel would prefer her to lie. She insists. He breaks down, tearing up, manfully sniffling, and brokenly admitting that he hates being stupid and was damaged terribly when he was eleven and teachers told him that he was most certainly not destined for greatness. Daniel says that he just wants to prove them wrong once, even though he’s cheating. Lindsay’s moved, and is presumably back on board with the lying.

At Sex Ed, some anonymous questions are taken from the class and answered. When everybody gets up to file out, the teacher pulls Sam aside and tells him that he’d seen Sam’s question (Sam’s the only student with Star Trek stationary) and been rather disturbed, and he wants Sam to come into his office and explain where he’d gotten it from.

Sam does, then confesses that he’d seen a porno. The teacher tells Sam not to repeat what he’s about to say, and, when Sam promises, he gives Sam what appears to be the complete sex talk (we don’t hear it, music’s played overtop). Sam’s at first disgusted and uncomfortable, but eventually ends up laughing along with the teacher and finishes the session in a much better mood. Afterward, he thanks the teacher, then asks about the dirty joke, which is about a guy with no arms or legs.

Waiting for their hearing, Daniel and Lindsay talk. She’s once again okay to lie. Just then her parents turn up ready to defend her, feeling terrible that they’d doubted her. Awkward. Elsewhere, the math teacher and guidance counsellor chat, with the former admitting that there hadn’t been an anonymous tip-off note, he just needed the ammo. When everybody’s summoned together, the guidance counsellor says that since there’s no note and no evidence he’s decided to let the whole thing go. Victory? Well, not quite. The math teacher’s cool with letting it go too ---- but only if Daniel completes the first problem on the test he supposedly passed. Daniel starts on it warily, as everybody watches.

Walking past an open door, Sam catches sight of Cindy painting a banner for the carnival and wanders over to apologize for being weird that morning, also offering to help out again. Cindy says she’s already found a replacement, but that two helpers will be awesome. Sam sits down to help her out and they laugh together, while outside a watching Bill bemoans Sam’s turning to the dark side.

In the office, Daniel hands back his problem, on which he’s done exactly zero calculations but managed to draw ‘ZEPPLIN ROCKS’ in block letters. The teachers and parents are outraged, but he takes the blame, insisting that none of it was Lindsay’s fault, it’s all his. He then proceeds to give a dramatic retelling of the exact sob story he’d given Lindsay earlier, complete with weeping. The adults are moved and things are looking good . . . until Lindsay starts laughing hysterically. The teachers and parents argue even more loudly, while Daniel looks mutinous and tries to maintain his veil of depression. Lindsay laughs uncontrollably as he does.

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 6 - I'm With the Band

Episode six of Freaks and Geeks (‘I’m With The Band’) kicks off with Nick drumming in his basement. He slides in a Rush tape (a band mentioned in the pilot as one of Nick’s faves ---- he’s even modeled his drum set after their drummer Neil’s).

He turns on some disco lights, and drops a chunk of dry ice in a bucket to get the perfect rockin’-out ambiance. In the middle of his routine, his dad comes downstairs, shakes his head, and heads back upstairs.

Cut to gym class, where the geeks are told to start working out for the President’s Fitness Test (a kid in the back row yells that Jimmy Carter’s a wimp, but the coach gives him some serious hairy eyeball.

This is for good reason, as, while Carter wasn’t the most popular President, he served multiple deployments in the Navy, was promoted to Lieutenant, and then was officer in charge of a team that was lowered down inside a melted-down nuclear reactor to have a go at dismantling it. Nice work, Mr. President. In addition, the coach says, everyone has to shower after working out. That’s right, it’s school-mandated naked time, and the geeks are none too pleased. Sam’s firmly against it. Neal’s okay with it until a bully asks if everybody can check out Neal’s circumcision later, at which point he sides with Sam.

In the cafeteria, Millie advertises the drama society’s upcoming production of Oklahoma (the home of many earworms, including the popular I Cain’t Say No. Also, in 1998, Hugh Jackman played the leading man in a West End production of it. Wolverine can really hold a tune). The male freaks talk about their band, which they’re hoping to get into a Battle of the Bands and win some prize money with. Nick (wearing a KISS shirt, an excellent band for the freaks) plans a rehearsal for 3:00pm, which Daniel wants pushed back as he’d like to spend some quality time with Kim first. Hubbahubba.

Back in the gym, the coach finds Sam, Neal, and Bill wetting their hair in order to pretend that they’ve showered. He tells them firmly to go actually shower. Luckily for the geeks, they’re saved by the bell ringing for next class.

Lindsay and Kim listen to the guys’ band play, enthusiastically but not exactly professionally. Daniel plays aFlying V (in 1980, the Gibson Flying V2 had just come out, but he’s playing the more iconic older model). While they’re all talking afterward, Nick’s dad comes down and firmly requests a talk with Nick upstairs. The freaks decide to take off without Nick, but Lindsay offers to wait for him. Upstairs, Nick’s dad lectures him for playing past 5:00pm and then informs Nick that he wants his drum set gone from the basement. Nick protests that there’s nowhere else to put it, and his dad reminds him of their ‘deal’ ---- Nick has to maintain a C+ average or join the army, and he should be focusing less on drumming (which his dad thinks he’ll never succeed in) and more on studying. Nick’s understandably upset. When he returns to Lindsay, he tells her to go on without him, but she admits to overhearing his discussion and encourages that he can do anything he wants if he believes in himself. Aw. Nick perks up, and the two head out together.

After working out with an earth ball, Neal and Bill are sweaty and want to shower. Sam tries to get them to stand by him, but they want to be clean. Abandoned, Sam’s made even more uncomfortable when a naked guy starts casually talking about schoolwork with him. In Sam’s opinion, pubic should most certainly not equal public. He manages to get out of showering by pretending to be sick, but his excuses are wearing thin on the coach.

When the rest of the band doesn’t show up on time for rehearsal, Lindsay tells Nick that they need to pull together and work hard if they want to be good enough to impress Nick’s dad and get into the Battle of the Bands. Nick protests that Daniel doesn’t like to practice. Lindsay asks who the band’s leader is. Point taken.

At rehearsal, the band plays a sloppy rendition of Cream’s Sunshine Of Your Love (which was released in 1968, and interestingly enough inspired the creation of the disco/funk band Chic’s hit song Le Freak) and Nick asks them to play it again, but this time, y’know, well. Daniel says ‘Who cares?’. He certainly doesn’t. Nick replies that he does, in fact, care, and he wants to take Lindsay’s practising suggestion seriously. He manages to get Daniel to play the song again and the rest of the band follows grudgingly, with Ken sarcastically saying, “This is fun, I’m glad we have a band” (thanks, Ken, you’re a hoot). The fun continues when, after a few repeats, Daniel quits . . . just as they’re starting to sound good. Blaming Lindsay for ‘turning music into school’, he walks out, followed by everybody except Nick and Lindsay. Nick takes the opportunity to also blame Lindsay. It’s becoming a trend.

Meanwhile, the geeks sit on a curb and, watching a couple of jocks horse around with their girlfriends, wonder what they have that the geeks don’t. Neal, who’s just started growing chest hair, declares that most women are dazzled by the masculine majesty of hairy chests, remarking that all the best-looking men have chest hair (in particular Tom Selleck ---- who played the mustachioed hero in Magnum P.I., Burt Reynolds ---- the he-man lead in many period westerns, and Rockford ---- the ex-army gent played by James Garner in The Rockford Files).

Sam wonders if girls will ever like them. Neal suggests they stick to the quiet but sexy librariantypes (‘Like Bailey on WKRP in Cincinnati?’ Bill asks, referring to the shy young journalist on CBS’s hit sitcom, which ran from 1978-1982), and Sam asks if his crush Cindy fits into that definition. The answer is a definite no.

Ken’s sitting alone when Lindsay turns up. She tries to make conversation, but he’s unfriendly and tells her, “Thanks for breaking up the band” when she moves to leave. Ouch. She says that she didn’t, she just wanted them to play a song right. He replies that they don’t need to, and Lindsay agrees that this is obviously true, as “God knows Zepplin only plays half of Stairway to Heaven and the Who only play half of Teenage Wasteland!”. Ken corrects her that the song is in fact named Baba O’Riley before leaving. She slumps down, depressed, and almost immediately Daniel wanders in. Again, Lindsay protests that she didn’t break up the band, but if Nick doesn’t succeed in music then he’ll be sent off to the army. It turns out that Daniel knows this and doesn’t care, telling Lindsay that Nick’s dad is right, Nick’s “Not going to be the next Keith Moon”, and he’ll be going somewhere where they’ll take care of him. Lindsay should just let him have fun before he’s shipped off.

The man in question is out unhappily mowing the lawn when Lindsay arrives. He’s made much more cheerful when Lindsay hands him a flyer that says that local band Dimension is looking for a new drummer. Nick can audition! Nick’s overjoyed, saying excitedly that he saw them open for Jethro Tull at Cobo Hall (while Dimension isn’t a real band, Jethro Tull is. A British rock group who’ve currently sold over 60 million albums worldwide, they were active for a whopping 44 years, from 1967-2011) last year and they were amazing. He decides to set up an audition right then and there, and also to start practicing right away. Lindsay happily accepts a hug.

At dinner that night, Sam talks about his desire to avoid public nudity and his father empathizes. He says he’s learned to live with it and Sam should be proud of his body. Sam’s mom then tells Sam that his body is beautiful, and they both ask Lindsay to do the same. After much prodding, Lindsay does, but follows up by telling Sam that he’s an adonis, a slab of beef, and if she wasn’t his sister she would ---- which is as far as she gets before their dad wisely tells her to can it.

Cut to the audition. The guy before Nick is really good (and is played by Freaks and Geeks writer Gabe Sachs), and Nick’s intimidated. The band opts to do Crossroads by Cream and Nick’s drumming starts off okay, but after they ask him for changes he falls apart completely. They tell him they’ll be in touch, but it’s clear that he won’t be joining Dimension any time soon. (Other cameos here include the sound mixer, played by Freaks and Geeks writer Jeff Judah, and Dimension’s bass player, who’s played by Freaks and Geeks’ producer and creator, Paul Feig).

Once they get outside, Nick gives way to his emotions. Lindsay tries to be comforting, telling him he’ll be as good as the Dimension guys in a few years, but he says he knows he never will be ---- he’d always imagined himself on stage like Peter Criss (somewhat coincidentally, in 1979 Criss was ejected from KISS due to his decreasing drumming skills) but in reality he’ll be lucky to be a stagehand, seeing as he can’t keep his grades up. Lindsay offers to tutor him, but Nick’s on a depression roll. He goes on that he’ll have to join the army and be surrounded by psychopaths like his dad and brothers, and, dispirited, hangs his head in sadness . . . only to snap abruptly out of it when Lindsay kisses him.

After the next gym class, Sam finally decides to shower. He’s stripped off to a towel when bully Alan and his friends corner and mock him, even more so after he tells them he’s proud of his body. They force him out into the school’s hallway ad hold the doors closed. Sam’s embarrassed, but graduates to absolutely mortified when they open the doors just enough to grab his towel before closing them again. He’s left naked in the hall. Sam makes a dash for his locker for a pair of shorts, but, as he runs through the school, class lets out. Everybody sees. As he sprints terrified through the hallways, various reactions are had. Some people are shocked, some think he’s cool for ‘streaking’, and Millie crosses herself. Sam narrowly avoids Cindy seeing him and makes it outside, dashing around to the back of the gym and getting in that way, where he hides behind the earth ball. The coach stares in disbelief.

With the freaks, Nick tells Lindsay that he can’t stop thinking about their kiss (aww) and she smiles awkwardly (eek). He suggests they go out to meet the rest of the freaks and explains that they’d all made up after they heard how badly his audition went. When Nick and Lindsay arrive, the guys joke about what a terrible drummer Nick is. As the menfolk discuss new songs, Kim mouths at Lindsay that they need to talk and finally drags her off under the pretense of going to the bathroom, chatting excitedly about what a big slut Lindsay is for ‘jumping’ Nick.

The geeks walk home together, Neal and Bill trying to assure Sam that Cindy probably didn’t see too much. Sam’s contemplating switching schools when Alan rides up on his bike and commences jeering, saying that the kids at school will need a therapist to get over the trauma of nude Sam. He’s interrupted when a car filled with cheerleaders rolls by, slowing as it passes Sam so that Cindy can yell that she’d heard he’d streaked and thought it was awesome. They all cheer for him, and Alan rides off in a snit.

In the last scene, Nick happily plays his drums while wearing headphones, with his disco ball and lights all going. At the end of the song he tells Lindsay (who’s watching patiently) that he plays much better with her around and asks her to put more dry ice in the bucket. She does, and then looks encouraging as he starts up another tune.

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 7 - Carded and Discarded

Episode seven of Freaks and Geeks (‘Carded and Discarded’) opens in the office of the school guidance counselor, where the freaks have been called in for a spot of psychoanalysis. Mr. Rosso talks about how he understands them, empathizes with the puberty struggles they must be enduring (the freaks are mortified), and finally breaks out his guitar and sings I’m Eighteen by Alice Cooper (this song was Cooper’s breakout hit in 1970, and has been covered often since then. In 1975 it was covered by Johnny Rotten in his audition to join the Sex Pistols).

The freaks sing along, but when they escape talk about how much they hated it ---- except Nick, who’s kind of impressed. As they leave, Mr. Rosso pulls Lindsay aside and tells her that she doesn’t belong with the freak crowd, she should be working on her academics for college. She says that lots of smart people, such as Einstein and Edison, didn’t go to college. The counselor points out that the guy who pumps his gas had also opted out of the college experience. Point taken.

At dinner that night, Lindsay gets a birthday card from relatives containing $300 to put toward her college fund. She’s rich! Their dad breaks in to say that, while at a local store, he’d found a set of the game he and his family used to play every Friday night. It’s called ‘Pit’ (Pit first came out in 1904, was based on commodities trading, and, oddly enough, was invented by the psychic/seer/prophet Edgar Cayce). He suggests that the Weir family have a go at it, but is dismayed when both kids say they’ll be busy.

The teacher’s talking natural selection in the geeks’ class when something wonderful happens . . . a cute newtransfer student named Maureen arrives. The geeks are instantly smitten. At lunch, Bill’s talking about how he saw a movie with Ronald Reagan kissing a monkey (the movie, if you’re curious, was 1951's Bedtime for Bonzo) when the geeks find Maureen sitting alone at the table they usually occupy. Win. They all trade teacher stories and she one-ups them every time (in reply to their story about a shop teacher getting hair caught in a latheshe returns a story about her former shop teacher having a pinky cut off by a radial arm saw, causing the students to call him ‘pinky tuscadero’ after the nickname of Carol Tuscadero on the hit sitcom Happy Days). She’s incredibly friendly to the geeks, and ends up asking them to show her around the school.

Fresh off their adventure with the singing guidance counselor, the freaks talk unflatteringly about ‘old people’. The only one who wants to grow up is Ken, who’d really appreciate being able to get into bars. Nick agrees. There’s a hot local band called Feedback (fun fact: while this band doesn’t exist, there actually was a band called Feedback in the eighties. They played pop rock, and they were from Bangladesh) that’ll be playing at a nearby bar on Friday, but there will be carding. Kim’s smug, as she has a fake ID, but when she passes it around Daniel’s asked about his own fake ID. Well, he’s lost it. It was confiscated by a bouncer when he couldn’t tell them what his star sign was. Lindsay suggests that they all get fake IDs and go check out Feedback. Good idea, but Nick points out that they’re really expensive. Lindsay offers to pay for them, and then she and Nick share a quick snuggle to choruses of ‘gross!’.

Meanwhile, the geeks stride happily through the school’s hallways with Maureen, lording it over their peers. Sam even brushes off his cheerleader crush, Cindy, when she says hi. Maureen asks if they want to hang out after school. Of course they do. (Maureen’s played by Kayla Ewell, who since then has had a 135-episode run on The Bold and the Beautiful, was a main cast member in The Vampire Diaries, and has appeared in House,The O.C., and Veronica Mars, among many other TV and movie spots and a couple of music videos. Hang on to her, geeks!)

The geeks’ hangout goes very well. They shoot off some toy rockets (Bill’s is huge, but tragically misfires as Neal and Sam cackle at him). Maureen seems to be right into the rocketry, and the four happily goof off as Rosalinda’s Eyes (which was released in 1978 by Billy Joel, and, amusingly for this situation, was inspired by his mother) plays in the background. Afterward, the geeks hang out at Sam’s and discuss which of them Maureen likes best. Neal claims that she looks at him with adoration, but Bill retorts that Neal must just be looking at her when she’s thinking about Bill. ZING. When no consensus can be reached, they decide to pick who gets to pursue her by the same highly-technical method that they used to choose who had to stand in line for The Empire Strikes Backtickets ---- putting everyone’s name in a hat and drawing one. Bill picks, and (surprise surprise) it’s his, probably because he almost certainly cheated. Regardless of the cheating, his victory still stands. He’s euphoric.

At school, the geeks prep Bill for his upcoming hot lovin’, but he’s still not what you’d call smooth. Suddenly, they see Maureen doing the one thing they’ve been terrified of: talking to the popular kids. Namely Vickie, a cheerleader. Petrified that, like Invasion of the Body Snatchers (the 1978 sci-fi sensation that co-starred geek fave Leonard Nimoy), she’ll be sucked into the cool kids and turn into a pod person, Neal grabs special-needs student Eli and tells him that Vickie’s been saying that Three’s Company isn’t funny. Eli, who adores Three’s Company, is startled and dismayed. He pushes Maureen aside and immediately attempts to correct Vickie, allowing the geeks to scoop up their best girl and head together to their next class.

After Lindsay’s ambushed by the college-brochure-bearing Mr. Rosso, she manages to disentangle herself in time to meet up with the freaks. It’s fake ID time! Unfortunately, when their ID-finder (Howie) hands over their new and presumably stolen Canadian IDs, only Ken’s looks anything remotely like him. Everyone else was given IDs with pictures of Asian people. Fail. They demand their money back and Howie reluctantly coughs it up, although Ken decides to keep his. Daniel, Nick, and Lindsay are left ID-less. The band is due to play that night. The guys are out of ideas. Crunch time.

Lunch time. The geeks discuss the possibility of scheduling shifts to police Maureen’s interactions with other people, desperately to have her remain their friend/lady friend/object of adoration. When she turns up they greet her awkwardly, but Maureen’s chirpy, saying she met tons of new people that day. Uh-oh. They ask what she’s doing on the weekend, and she excitedly replies that Vickie had invited her to a party. Cue general geek depression.

Lindsay, meanwhile, asks Millie about her cousin. He used to make fake IDs, but Lindsay hasn’t seen him in ages. According to Millie, he’s just gotten out of prison for stealing hood ornaments and then resisting arrest. He’s a ‘bad seed’. Bad seed or no, Lindsay wants his phone number. Millie refuses. Sadly for Millie’s sense of rightness and firm stance against moral decay, Lindsay knows where he lives and heads over there with Daniel and Nick. The house is pretty sketchy-looking, and so’s Millie’s cousin ---- while he claims to no longer peddle drugs, he’s pretty twitchy and demands that the freaks touch nothing and come in one at a time. Daniel’s first up.

When Daniel goes inside he finds a wall of car parts, a small and questionable greenhouse, and a surprisingly good set-up for driver’s license pictures. Things seem to be looking up for the freaks . . . but they hit another hitch when the ID guy hits on Lindsay. He tells her he’d always thought she was a cute kid, but didn’t expect her to grow up so hot (yikes). He’d like to take her out for a night on the town. Sensing her discomfort, Nick declares that she’s his girlfriend, and Lindsay quickly agrees. Sadly for them, this causes both significant amounts of anger and for the price of their IDs to skyrocket. Lindsay pays anyway.

Afterward, Daniel meets up with Kim and she compares his old and new IDs. She’s in the middle of telling him that he looks much cuter in the latter when she notices the age on his legit ID and asks if that’s fake too. Nope. Daniel admits that maybe he was held back once . . . well, okay, held back twice. He’s eighteen. Luckily for Daniel, Kim just laughs and kisses him, excited to be naughty jailbait. They wrestle playfully. (If you were wondering whether being 18 means that Daniel didn’t need a fake ID and could’ve saved Lindsay $100, the legal drinking age in Michigan at that time was 21).

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 8 - Girlfriends and Boyfriends

Episode eight of Freaks and Geeks (‘Girlfriends and Boyfriends’) begins with Lindsay walking through the school to Whipping Post (which was released in 1969 by The Allman Brothers Band, featured one of the most badass openings of the time, and has been repeatedly covered and sampled since then). She heads outside and meets up with Nick, Daniel, and Kim, and Nick’s all over her like an awkward Golden Retriever. Kim asks if they’re dating, and Nick replies that he doesn’t kiss and tell while sliding his hand into one of Lindsay’s back pockets. Lindsay’s uncomfortable with the contact, but remains quiet.

From there, she and Nick walk back, and Nick tells her that the band he’d earlier tried out for has found a new drummer. He doesn’t care, though, because, if he hadn’t bombed the audition, Lindsay never would’ve kissed him. She replies that she should probably go study. Nick kisses her (on his second try) and runs off happily, although Lindsay still seems conflicted. The conflicted-ness only increases when Millie confronts her, asking about the kiss. Lindsay says they’re not actually dating yet. Good, says Millie, seeing as Nick is a freak, and “freaks only date freak girls” ---- which Lindsay isn’t, because freak girls go ‘all the way’. Hubbahubba. Lindsay tells Millie to mind her own business and strides off.

It remains a bad day for Lindsay. The guidance counsellor, Mr. Rosso, takes her aside and, after talking about class, the new Rush album (presumably Permanent Waves, which came out in 1980), and how he once saw Hendrix live, he tells her that he hears she and Nick are getting tight. Lindsay protests that they’re just friends, but is handed a pamphlet entitled ‘Dating, Sex, and You’ (sadly, this does not seem to have ever been a real pamphlet). Lindsay is deeply embarrassed. Mr. Rosso then informs her that he too had thought he had everything figured out . . . until he got close with a strange girl and contracted herpes. Thanks, Mr. Rosso.

Meanwhile, Neal and Bill meet up with Sam, who’s got the Time Magazine cover with Darth Vader on it (this appeared on May 19th, 1980, and has remained one of the magazine’s more iconic covers) pasted to the inside of his locker. Off to science class. They’re getting their lab partners assigned, and Sam’s hoping for his crush Cindy. No such luck. He ends up with Gordon, a kid who smells terrible, and Bill gets Cindy. At lunch, Bill is smug, and he gets even more smug when Cindy comes over, lays out her schedule for the day, and asks if Bill can come over. When she takes off, Neal and Bill immediately start deciding which cologne Bill should wear. Should it be Hai Karate, or Old Spice? Sam slumps drearily. (Never heard of Hai Karate? It faded from popularity during the ‘80s, but before then was remarkable especially for its advertising, where a nerdy guy splashes some on and immediately has to fight off a gorgeous woman ---- and every bottle came with a booklet of self defence moves. Axe definitely took some pointers from Hai Karate).

While studying, Daniel whispers to Lindsay that he’s glad she and Nick are dating. Lindsay smiles, but Daniel keeps on, creepily reemphasizing how totally awesome Nick is. Lindsay’s confused, until Daniel goes on to say that Nick is a stud. Ah. Gotcha. Lindsay doesn’t know what to say. Luckily for her, the teacher comes over and tells Daniel to be quiet. Undaunted, he hits on her. This does not improve Lindsay’s mood, and she’s even more spooked when, after class, Nick asks her to hang out alone later in the week. Lindsay suggests that they go watch The Elephant Man (which came out in 1980, and was promptly nominated for eight Academy Awards), but Nick wants to take the action back to his place, seeing as his family will be gone that evening. Lindsay tries to object, but when a teacher starts yelling at them to get to class she gives in and assents.

Sam and Gordon convene in Sam’s room for studying. Gordon proves to be quite with it and says that he knows Sam’s not thrilled to be his partner, seeing as Sam wanted Cindy. He goes on to tell Sam that, even though he’s not sure if Cindy likes Sam back, he thinks they’d be a great couple. If Sam wants to woo her, he should memorize her class schedule and ‘accidentally’ run into her in the hallways, plus he should join all her after-school activities in order to 1. learn more about her, 2. pretend they have similar interests, and 3. make sure she’s not falling for anyone else ---- like Bill, for instance, which is possible, as becoming science partners is akin to being stranded together on a desert island.

After Bill and Cindy study together (and she feeds him a tray of veggies, confesses that her parents are health nuts, and admits to watching no TV except for The Muppet Show), he tells Neal and Sam that he thinks she might be abnormal. He and Sam have a brief spat, which is interrupted when Cindy herself appears and informs Bill that she’ll be free after school if he’d like to study. He invites her over to his house this time and she agrees, then announces that she’d taken his advice and watched Welcome Back Kotter, and she agrees that Woodman is hilarious. She and Bill head off together, chatting excitedly. (On the show, which aired from 1975-1979 and featured a young John Travolta, Mr. Woodman was a crabby principal with a grudge against the main characters).

In class, Lindsay and Millie finish their tests first and talk, with Lindsay asking Millie if she remembers how they both used to love Leif Garrett (in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s, the emerging star Lief Garrett was every teen girl’s heartthrob. Later, he starred in a number of narcotics scandals. Slightly less heartthrob-y) and would steal her dad’s magazines just to kiss his face. Millie says that she remembers, and Lindsay goes on to confide that, while they’d always dreamed of having boyfriends, now Lindsay does . . . and she thinks he wants to have sex. Millie’s predictably horrified. She implores Lindsay not to have sex, as ‘it will change her forever’ and nobody will want to marry her. After all, Millie explains, why should they buy the cow if they can get the milk for free?

Grimly determined to extract Cindy from Bill’s clutches, Sam joins yearbook club. When the teacher asks if anyone has an idea for an article, Cindy raises her hand and reads off a (very dark) short story. “Thank you, Sylvia Plath,” the teacher says, but points out that it’s far too tortured for a yearbook. They do, however, need to sell ad space. Sam mentions that his dad owns the local sporting goods store, so the teacher tells him to start there and to pair up with Cindy. Win! Elsewhere, Lindsay’s in for a surprise when she arrives home. Her mother happily presents her with a single red rose and a card, both of which had mysteriously appeared in Lindsay’s absence. Who could they be from? Mom’s curious, but Lindsay refuses to spill and takes them up to her room, where she opens the card to find the message ‘Can’t wate till tomorrow nite, Nick’. The spelling gods wince. Her trepidation increases.

Out pounding the pavement, Sam tells Cindy that he thought her story was good. She says yeah, it needed to be dark, she doesn’t like how freshmen are pigeonholed ---- like cheerleaders always having to be chirpy, even though some days (like today, because she just got her period) she’s in a really bad mood. Not much to reply to that. They head into Sam’s dad’s store. At first he lectures Sam on helping out more, especially if he wants to earn money for more Micronauts (sadly for Sam, the Micronauts line of action figures was discontinued in 1980), but eventually pops catches on and says he’ll buy a full page ad. Sam’s delighted, although he deflates when dad suggests that they’ll cut their ad-selling time down if they split up. He quickly retracts that statement, but the damage has been done, as Cindy decides splitting up would absolutely be more effective. Sam glares and says, “Thanks, Dad”.

At dinner that night, the Weir dad mentions seeing Sam and Cindy, and their mom says that at least Sam’s not afraid to show off his girl. They promise not to make a big deal about it if Lindsay tells them who she’s seeing, but, when she does, they’re taken aback and her dad forbids her from seeing Nick in the future. Lindsay quits dinner and heads over to the living room. Her parents follow (after mom sighs at dad), sit down, and explain that they’re just trying to help and make sure Nick respects her. “Tell her about Korea,” her mom says, and her dad tells the story of how he’d lost his virginity to a five dollar hooker in Korea and has regretted it ever since. Lindsay’s predictably grossed out, even more so when her mom explains that her dad’s just trying to say that her virginity is a gift. Eeeesh.

Uncomfortable tension all around: While Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin by Journey plays in the background, Sam sadly watches through the window as Bill and Cindy have fun. The next day, Daniel and Kim invite Nick out. He declines, as he’ll be hangin’ with Lindsay that night. Lindsay looks ill at ease. Ignoring this, Daniel and Kim happily declare that ‘tonight’s the night!’ and demand for Lindsay to tell them all about it tomorrow.

While Neal and Sam are talking, Bill catches up to them and asks if Sam knows what Cindy said last night. Sam goes off into a rant. When he’s done, Bill points out that actually Cindy had said that she thought Sam was the nicest kid in school. Aw. Calmed, Sam asks if they want to go see Airplane! (1980) again on the weekend, then adds that maybe Gordon can come with, seeing as he’s turned out to be surprisingly cool and might not even know about his smell issue.

When they sit down for class, Gordon asks how things are going with Cindy, and Sam uses that as an in to talk about how great she smells, segues into deodorant scents, and asks Gordon what deodorant he uses. Gordon tells Sam that it’s okay, he knows he smells, it’s a genetic disorder called Trimethylaminuria (yes, this is actually a real thing). He doesn’t mind too much, though, as it weeds out the jerks. Sam invites him along to the movie, and, after Gordon says sure, Cindy stops by their desk and asks Sam if he wants to go out to a café after school. Sam’s tongue-tied, but manages to splutter out that he’d love to. True love? Well, not really, as in the café afterward Cindy spots a group of football players, confesses to a big crush on one of them, and asks for Sam’s advice on her crush troubles. She admits to getting really nervous around him, not like Sam . . . in fact, Sam’s so easy to talk to, he reminds her of her sister. Dreams = killed.

That evening, Nick opens the door immediately to Lindsay’s knock, playing Nights in White Satin by The Moody Blues (which was written by a member of the band at age 19, after being given satin sheets by his girlfriend). He suggests they take things downstairs and off she goes, only to find the basement liberally coated in atmospheric candles. Seductive.

Nick asks her to sit down. When she does, he puts on Lady by Styx and sings along, declaring it to say everything he can’t. Lindsay smiles. He pauses to profess his love and declare that he won’t rush things, as that’s a mistake and they have all the time in the world, then resumes singing. Awkward, Lindsay asks if maybe he wants to make out. No, he just wants to hold her. He does. Lindsay appears both trapped and uncomfortable.

Sam’s eating Ding Dongs when Lindsay gets home, so she sits down and joins him for one. He asks how her date went and she replies that it was okay, and she guesses Nick’s her boyfriend now what with his overwhelming devotion and all. Sam says he wishes that Cindy liked him as more than a friend. Lindsay’s sympathetic. The phone rings, and Sam answers it to find Cindy, who wants to talk about her crush some more. Sam sits down, tells her that he’s not busy and encourages her to go on.

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 9 - We've Got Spirit

Episode nine of Freaks and Geeks, (‘We’ve Got Spirit’) opens with Nick and Lindsay cuddling, as a high Nick muses on the meaning of life and the whereabouts of a deceased John Bonham (as one does). Lindsay, bored, flips through a photo album and finds pictures of Nick with his ex, Heidi, although her face has been cut out. Uh-oh. The next day, Daniel, Ken, and Kim are hanging out when Lindsay comes by and asks to talk to Kim in private. After assuring Kim that she’s not pregnant, Lindsay admits that she’s thinking of breaking up with Nick ---- not only is he really intense about their relationship, he’s always stoned. No way, Kim says, last time Nick broke up (with Heidi) he went completely berserk. Lindsay must not break up with him.

Sam, meanwhile, finds his crush Cindy decorating the locker of her own crush (the star basketball player, Todd) for his upcoming game. When Todd himself turns up to grab a book, he seems uninterested in both Cindy and the decorations, and hurries off to class with much of an acknowledgement. Aw. Later, in the cafeteria, she and all the other cheerleaders perform to pump up the school for the big game. Todd says a few awkward words, which gives Sam the chance to grouse about him. When the cheerleaders perform again, the team’s mascot tries to dance on a table and hurts himself.

The next day in school, the geeks run into Cindy, who’s posting a notice asking for students to audition to be their replacement mascot. The opportunity to dress as a bobble-headed Viking? Why not! Bill convinces Sam to add his name to the list, claiming that Cindy was subliminally messaging him to sign up. Sam’s okay with grasping at straws.

Cut to evening. Lindsay’s trying to sleep when Nick raps on her window, then insists she meet him at the door. He tells her that he couldn’t stop thinking about her and simply had to come see her face . . . which he does, staring at her like a Border Collie herding a sheep. Intense would be the word. Lindsay finally gets rid of him. In the morning she seeks out Heidi, catching her at her locker, and asks about Nick. Heidi’s only too happy to warn Lindsay. She says that Nick’s crazy, and when she broke up with him he stalked her, broke into her house, and screamed at her dad. Scary. Heidi flees when Nick approaches. He asks Lindsay what they were talking about and Lindsay claims it was Spanish. Nick tells her that Heidi’s a liar, but doesn’t elaborate.

When Sam tries out for mascot, he proves to be surprisingly coordinated and good at the moves, and is awarded the title. He’s delighted, even more so when Cindy hugs him, telling him they’ll have so much fun. Sam’s smothered, but joyous, and Bill and Neal are impressed. Their impressment turns to sympathy later on, when head cheerleader Vicki is tough on Sam seemingly just because she can be (as mentioned by various characters in Freaks and Geeks, Vicki’s kind of mean). Last up on the cheerleaders’ schedule is the pyramid, where Sam has to climb up the backs of all the balanced cheerleaders and pose on top. Luckily, the old mascot (played, amusingly, by Shia LaBeouf) warns Sam to at all costs avoid tugging on the girls’ bra straps or hair, as they’ll move and everyone will tumble down. Sam nervously ascends the wall of barely-clad cheerleader behinds and successfully manages to pose. Cindy smiles at him. Sam grins back. Bill and Neal seethe with envy.

The freaks, meanwhile, are dismayed by all this school spirit. Nick’s absent, so Daniel takes the chance to beg Lindsay to not dump him. Lindsay remains unmoved. When Nick turns up, she asks him to drive her home and walks off, ignoring Daniel’s anguished glances. Daniel’s very invested in this. Post-school, the freaks are standing outside and discussing the finer points of gas inhalation when another car pulls up and asks if they’re McKinley students. Upon a positive reply, the occupants of the other car pelt the freaks with water balloons. Rivalry: activated.

Lindsay and her mom are in the kitchen when Nick calls, and Lindsay makes her mom pretend that Lindsay’s out. When mom hangs up, Lindsay spills about her plan to break up, but confesses that she just can’t seem to find the courage. Her mother advises that Lindsay can’t just stick around out of pity, it’s not fair to anyone, and Lindsay takes heart. She heads off to call Nick and end things ---- but, on the phone, she freezes. When Lindsay hangs up (without saying a word), she tells her prying mom that she really feels she should do it in person. In the morning, Lindsay informs her parents that she’ll meet them later. She’s determined to go break up with Nick first.

Lindsay finds Nick, but (and there’s always a but!), before she can do the deed, he asks her to sit down. Time to learn about the Heidi mystery. He explains that he’d had a huge crush on Heidi and then dated her after she broke up with her boyfriend. In that time, he wrote her a bunch of very sincere but possibly ill-advised poetry . . . which came back to bite him when she got back together with her ex a week later and spread Nick’s poems all over school. The ‘breaking in’ was him going to her house to try to get back his poems, and he yelled at her dad when he caught Nick and shouted at him. The cops were called, and everything was blown way out of proportion. He confides that the whole thing made him really insecure around girls. Lindsay’s horrified and sympathizes, assuring Nick that she’d never do that. Still together, they head off to the game.

The rest of the freaks are busy talking about Nick when they spot the car containing their balloon-throwers of yesterday. Everybody piles into Daniel’s ride, and they take off in hot pursuit. When they finally catch up, they find it parked. This works all the better for their purposes. Daniel breaks out some spray paint to write ‘U SUK’ on the side. Revenge! It’s all going well until the driver catches them. That would be okay too, but after him come his friends, a selection of jocks who are none too pleased with the spray-painting. Cornered, the freaks prepare to do battle. “Tell my mother I love her,” Daniel begs of Ken, and then the fight is joined.

At the gym, Sam and Cindy are chatting when Todd approaches, declaring that he needs to ask Cindy something. Cindy waits with anticipation, but the coach pulls Todd away before he can spit it out. Undaunted, she’s psyched and asks if Sam thinks Todd might have been wanting to ask her out. Sam dismissively tells her that Todd probably has lots of other girls, and Cindy shouldn’t get too hung up on him. Bit late for that. She leaves, dejected. During practice, Sam finally gets to try on the massive Viking head he’ll be wearing as mascot, and finds it to be extremely heavy, unwieldy, and vision-impairing. He stumbles around for a while trying not to run into things, at last making it out into the hallway.

Sadly, the head is not vision-impairing enough to avoid the sight of Cindy and Todd leaning close together, then kissing tenderly. Ouch. Afterward, Todd walks past Sam and high-fives him (the dark side of being a mascot?), before Cindy comes running over and happily informs Sam that Todd had told her he liked her and didn’t have a girlfriend. Sam removes the head and finally speaks his mind. He tells her that he thinks Todd’s a cocky jerk and he doesn’t know why Cindy would want him. Predictably, she reacts badly to this and tells Sam that she knows he’s nervous about his first game as mascot, but he shouldn’t take it out on her and Todd.

Bill and Neal later find Sam in the locker room, slouched dejectedly by his costume. He explains about the kiss and tells them that he doesn’t feel like being funny right now. Despite Neal’s encouragement that Steve Martin probably didn’t always feel like being funny, but managed to get out there and do it anyway, Sam continues to be depressed. (Steve Martin’s been employed in the business of being funny since 1967, which is truly an epic amount of comedy. In the early ‘80s, Martin was a superstar, with every show sold out and legions of screaming fans. I think it’s safe to say that Sam doesn’t have Martin’s comedic dedication. Neal offers to take over. Bill warns against allowing Neal to be the team’s mascot, but Sam no longer cares and okays it.

Out in the hall, Nick’s telling Lindsay about drumming (saying that Keith Moon does it in triples, referring to The Who drummer’s unique and seemingly random style. It was praised by critics, but cursed by those who had to play with him), when her father calls her over to meet some of the town’s prominent politicians and businessmen. They’re discussing the possibility of Mr. Weir running for school board when Ken, Daniel, and Kim turn up, much the worse for wear and eager to talk to Lindsay about their fight and pre-fight vandalism. Mr. Weir hurriedly shoos them off, but the pillars of the community give him stink-eye anyway.

As her husband tries to regain his social footing, Mrs. Weir sees Nick hanging around in the hall and asks how he’s holding up, then digs the grave further by telling him that Lindsay had said that she really did care for him, she just felt overwhelmed and needed space. Nick’s naturally confused. Apprehensively, she attempts to confirm that they actually did break up, and he quickly says that they had and hurries off. Just then, Lindsay turns up and asks what happened. Her mom inquires if she’d indeed talked to Nick, and, with growing horror, Lindsay asks what her mom had told him. Mom tries to explain that she was only trying to be nice. Despite good intentions, Lindsay’s mightily pissed that her mom may have broken up with Nick for her.

Sam’s still in the locker room when he hears retching. It’s Todd, of all people. Hesitantly, Sam asks if he’s okay, and Todd explains that it’s just pre-game nerves. He goes on to praise Sam’s performance as mascot, telling him that he does a great funky chicken. Apparently, despite appearances, Todd is actually a pretty nice guy. Todd runs out onto the court as the cheerleaders wave their pom-poms. The game is played, and Todd scores! (The crowds go wild). During a time-out, the cheerleaders try to execute their funky chicken routine, but it’s messed up by Neal. He has helmet complications, and the cheerleaders have to pull him off the court.

The game keeps on. Neal tries to wander around and be ‘funny’, which includes him picking his nose and pretending to stab himself with his prop sword. Vicki, still under the impression that he’s Sam, has to drag him over to set up the pyramid. The score is 72-72, and the cheerleaders are really hoping to spur their team on. The girls stack up perfectly . . . but, when Neal tries to climb them, he grabs onto their hair and bra straps for balance and the whole pyramid comes tumbling down. Vicki tells ‘Sam’ that he’s dead, and then pulls off the head to reveal Neal. Correction: Neal’s dead. Cindy calls him a jerk. Watching, Sam winces.

Lindsay tracks Nick down, and Nick slowly tells her that he feels like they’ve been spending too much time together and he needs to do other things. He asks if she’d be okay if they took a break for a while. Lindsay agrees quietly. Nick says he should go, and doesn’t turn back when Lindsay calls after him. Outside in his car, he sits and gazes tearfully at the school while ‘The Song Is Over’ by The Who plays in the background.

Back at the game, a crying Lindsay is comforted by her mother as the teams prepare for one final clash. The cheerleaders cheer. The coach yells for someone to take Neal away. It’s safe to say he’s not a hit. The home team ends up winning by just one point (scored by Todd). As Cindy runs off the court, Sam catches her and apologizes, telling her that Todd’s an alright guy. Cindy accepts his apology. Back on the court, Bill tells Neal that he was absolutely hilarious and should go pro. Neal’s enthusiastically assenting when Vicki calls ‘Get him, girls!’ and a crowd of angry cheerleaders drag Neal off.

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 10 - The Diary

Episode ten of Freaks and Geeks, (‘The Diary’) opens with our favorite lady-freaks Kim and Lindsay attempting to hitchhike. Kim tries to impart wise hitchhiking advice (such as ‘stick your chest out!’), but Lindsay’s happily imagining that they’re characters in Jack Kerouac’s On The Road, just like they’ve been studying in English class. When they finally do catch a ride, it’s with a guy who knows them, and he says he’ll be reporting this to Lindsay’s father. Oops.

Pops proves to be none too happy about the situation, telling Lindsay that she could’ve been picked up by Ted Bundy and asking about Kim’s parents. (Although Ted Bundy was taken off the streets two years prior, he did in fact have a habit of abducting Lindsay-esque hitchhiking girls. Fair point, Weir dad). Mrs. Weir chimes in to say that they’ll invite Kim’s mom over for dinner, so they can learn more about this girl that Lindsay’s been hanging out with.

At school baseball practice, the geeks are picked last for teams. They’re not pleased about it, but the most displeased of all is Bill, who is always picked last of all ---- even over the tiny Sam, unathletic Neal, and class tubby kid Gordon. Girls laugh knowingly at him as the teams are picked. In the game itself, Bill and Gordon are stationed way out in the field, ignored by all and not close enough to catch any team discussions. Gordon doesn’t care too much, but Bill’s angry. He wants a shot to prove himself. To that end, he steals a list of teachers’ contact info and phones up the coach, pretending to be Gordon’s dad and insisting that he give the less-popular kids a chance to play. The coach is startled to hear that Gordon’s apparently eager for a chance to play serious baseball, but promises to get him in the game. Victory!

Next up, dinner with Kim’s mom (who thinks this will go well? Nobody? That’s what I thought). Mommy dearest tells the Weir parents that Kim is wild, is into drugs and seedy hook-ups, and is a liar. She says that she doesn’t know what to do with her, and the only reason she knows all this at all is that she reads Kim’sdiary. The Weir parents exchange a significant look. After dinner, they inform Lindsay that she’s not allowed to be around Kim anymore, seeing as even her own mom admits what a hellion she is. Lindsay protests, but her parents remain firm . . . and later, in their own bedroom, they debate about reading Lindsay’s own diary to make sure she hasn’t started taking after Kim.

Back at baseball practice again, the coach makes a team leader pick Gordon, asking if he’d like to have a go at playing shortstop. Gordon’s mystified. He’s cool with being far outfield and tells the coach so. The coach is confused, but goes along with it. Something the coach doesn’t go along with is Bill, who asks to play shortstop in Gordon’s place. “Yeah, and I’m married to Racquel Welch,” the coach replies sarcastically (in 1980, Raquel was a well known object of lust, with one promotional shot of her in a deer skin bikini becoming an instant hit and launching her to pin-up stardom), before calling for the other team leader to pick next. Bill’s last. Again.

In school, Kim says hi to Lindsay and chats about how much her mom loved Lindsay’s parents. Lindsay’s unfortunately compelled to confess that her parents didn’t exactly feel the same way, and by ‘not exactly’, they meant ‘no contact with Kim ever’. Kim presses her as to why, and eventually Lindsay admits that her parents think Kim’s, 1. a bad influence, 2. not very bright, and 3. does drugs and has sex. Lindsay assures an offended Kim that her parents are idiots. Kim returns that she doesn’t care what Lindsay’s parents think, then takes off while Lindsay’s trying to explain to a teacher that she needs a few more moments with her friend.

Home alone, the Weir parents finally snap and decide to snoop their hearts out on the subject of their daughter. They plunder her room and eventually find her diary (although first her dad darkly muses that Lindsay’s stamp booklet might contain LSD-coated stamps and mistakes her sewing kit for birth control. Paranoid much?). On the bright side, they don’t find any references to drugs or sex in Lindsay’s diary. On the darker side, they happen upon a section where Lindsay talks about how frustrating her home life is, describing her parents as robots and saying that every day is the same ---- her mother always cooks the same meals and her father arrives home barking orders ‘like his penis would fall off if he helped clean the table’, with her mom bowing down to him. She goes on to say that she loves them, but would never want that kind of life. Her parents go quiet. Diary: 1. Snoopers: 0.

At lunch, the freaks are discussing gross deaths when Lindsay turns up. Nick, who’s been most unfriendly since their breakup, immediately takes off. Kim declares that she must be off as well, as she’s on a tight schedule of doing drugs and having sex (“What?” says Daniel, surprised). Lindsay asks if this is about her parents and Kim repeats that she doesn’t care what they say but does care what her friends say, then stalks off. “You really know how to clear a room, don’t you?” inquires a left-behind Daniel. This seems to happen to Lindsay a lot.

The geeks, meanwhile, get together at Neal’s. After Neal’s dad tells them about the prank calls he and his friends used to do back in the day, he instructs them to avoid doing ‘heavy breathing’ prank calls and heads out. Heavy breathing prank calls it is! Bill phones up their coach again and lets loose a string of awkward insults, most of them related to butts. Running out of new material, he hangs up. Their coach is ticked off. The geeks sense this, and are decidedly nervous.

While the geeks are nervous, Kim’s still angry. Walking after school with Daniel, she complains that Lindsay thinks she’s better than everyone else and her parents are super judgmental. Daniel patiently nods and smiles. Kim goes on to say that the Weirs basically called her a drug addict and a hooker, and Daniel points out that, 1. they didn’t, and 2. she does do drugs and have sex. Kim replies that she only has sex with him, and the Weirs are just afraid that some bad man will steal their daughter’s virtue. On the one hand, this is true, but, on the other hand, Daniel brings up the fact that he pretty much is that bad man . . . and he can really see why nobody would want their kid dating somebody like him. Kim’s upset, a state which is not improved when Daniel tells her jokingly that he loves that she’s a sex-crazed drug addict. Smoooooth.

Next day in the locker room, the coach hasn’t forgotten his posterior-obsessed prank caller. Figuring it must be one of the boys, he hauls them all into his office one by one and makes them read the words of the call out loud, listening for similarities. This process comes up with Bill, who protests that he didn’t do it to be funny, he was just incredibly frustrated due to always being picked last and never being given a shot at proving himself. Him being picked last is a running joke. The coach says that he doesn’t choose teams. Bill reminds him that he does have all the power ---- and he can use that power to make Bill a team captain. No word on why the coach agrees, but he does. Bill and Gordon are appointed team captains and gleefully pick their own teams, with the jocks being left until last. One former caption grouses, “Aw man, the geeks have inherited the Earth.”

Daniel accosts Lindsay by her locker and begs her to please talk to Kim, as she’s currently making his life hell and her feelings are really hurt because Lindsay didn’t stick up for her. Lindsay says that she thought Kim was too tough to have feelings. Daniel, somewhat startled, tells her that Kim is the most sensitive person he knows, and Lindsay promises to get her talk on.

She’s given the chance in English class, where their teacher picks Kim to talk about ‘On The Road’. After pressing, Kim bursts out that she hated it, she thought it was boring, disorganized, like the author was high while writing, and she only made it through thirty pages. The teacher snickers at her assessment and asks if anyone would like to join her. Sure, says Lindsay, and backs her agreement up with facts (Kerouac actually was on drugs while writing) and quotes (actually, many critics thought badly of both the book and Kerouac’s writing style. Among other unpleasant reviews, Time Magazine referred to it, amusingly, as a ‘barbaric yawp’), managing to reluctantly impress the teacher.

At baseball, after a decided lack of Bill-team success, Bill calls Sam and Neal to meet him at the mound, where he attempts a rousing speech. Next play, Sam pitches the ball, the batter hits it . . . and Bill manages to snag it right out of the air. The geeks go wild! After a lengthy celebration, it’s brought to their attention that there’s a lot more game to go, but, even though they’re probably doomed, Bill’s ecstatic. He says he totally looked like Willie Mays. (Willie Mays won 12 Gold Gloves for his spectacular fielding, so Bill’s got a while to go on that score).

As school ends, Kim’s walking off with Daniel and Nick when Lindsay asks if maybe Kim would like to come over. “What about your parents?” Kim asks. “What about them?” Lindsay replies. High five. They head off together, and Daniel happily celebrates. Nick’s still glowering. I suspect he’ll be doing that for a while.

Back at home, less celebrating is happening. Mrs. Weir has been trying to change their ‘robot-like’ home life, and has been met with extreme resistance from her husband. After she burns a fancy meal that Mr. Weir is scornful of, she retreats to their bedroom to cry, mourning her lack of appreciation in the household. Not true, Mr. Weir protests, he does appreciate her and loves her deeply. After a tender moment, they kiss ---- and then they, er, progress from that. When Sam, Neal, and Bill turn up and witness the kitchen chaos, they try to find Sam’s parents. Bad idea. The boys (except for Neal) are horrified by the blatant sex noises issuing from with mom and dad’s room and institute a hasty retreat.

Next up, Lindsay and Kim arrive. They come in to find the boys watching TV, and Neal drops some hints about the events unfolding down the hall. At that moment, mom Weir emerges from the bedroom to explain that they’ll be ordering in for dinner. Lindsay presents Kim, and both her parents are polite, telling Kim thanks for driving Lindsay home. After a brief period out in the open, the parental units retire yet again and the sounds of energetic foreplay waft down the corridor to a staring Lindsay and Kim. Kim slowly declares that Lindsay’s parents are swingers, and the girls continue to gaze down the hall, horrified.

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 11 - Looks and Books

Episode eleven of Freaks and Geeks, (‘Looks and Books’) starts us off with a bang ---- literally. The freaks convince Lindsay to steal her family’s station wagon to transport their amps to a gig. She knows her family wouldn’t be cool with her borrowing it, but they convince her to sneak out and back while her mom’s off playing bridge. (We all know how this is going to go, and it isn’t well). On the way to their friend’s house the freaks are rowdy and disruptive, and Lindsay’s so distracted by them that she ends up plowing right into another car. Both cars are pretty smashed up. The other driver is furious.

Meanwhile, the geeks head back into a mostly deserted school to retrieve Sam’s forgotten math textbook. After Sam grabs his textbook, they see Sam’s crush Cindy and her new boyfriend Todd canoodling in an empty hallway. Sam asks what anybody could possibly see in Todd. Neal theorizes that it’s probably Todd’s stylish feathered hair . . . and, as if on cue, Todd takes out a comb and re-combs it when Cindy musses the hair slightly. Bill puts in that every guy his mom dates has fathered hair and he’d heard her tell a girlfriend that every guy who has feathered hair is ‘foxy’. Sam’s confused. Neal sympathizes, saying that women are turned on by weird stuff. Broads, man. Broads. (In 1980, feathered hair was actually sort of on its way out. It was very popular in the ‘70s, with many celebs, both male and female, leaping onto the feathery bandwagon).

Back with Lindsay, all hell breaks loose. The angry woman who was crashed into says she’s calling the police, so Kim gets in her face. Lindsay yells at Kim, and then Daniel when he tries to get involved. At home, Lindsay’s parents stare at her as she breaks down, her father saying that he could have her thrown in jail for the car theft, they can’t trust her at all anymore, and she’s going to be grounded for an indeterminate amount of time with no media allowed. She’s also forbidden from seeing the freaks again, but Lindsay’s okay with that one.

After this tearful interlude, Lindsay’s in her room when Millie turns up, having seen the smashed car and wanting to make sure Lindsay’s okay. Lindsay’s still pretty shaken up, so Millie hugs her and distracts her with a funny story about the mathlete team ---- one girl had been so nervous that she’d gotten a nosebleed, then sneezed (with gory results), and then nearly fainted at the sight. Lindsay laughs and asks how they’re doing, and Millie replies that it’s fine, but not as fun as when Lindsay was around.

Next morning brings changes. Sam painstakingly styles his hair into the foxy feathered cut, while Lindsay decides to ditch her more hardcore clothes in favour of a cardigan and long skirt and adopt a more cheery attitude. Mrs. Weir is excited to see Sam’s new hair, deeming him as handsome as the Hardy Boys (probably she’s referring to the 1977-1979 TV show, The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries, featuring a more updated version of the famous literary teen detectives. Yes, feathered hair is involved!). Both parents are approving but suspicious of Lindsay’s makeover.

At school, the freaks mock Lindsay’s new duds, then encourage her to sneak out and go to the party that night. Nope. Lindsay summons her powers of sarcasm and tells them off, culminating with her informing them that they’re all selfish users. Furthermore, she says that, just because their lives are pointless lost causes, that doesn’t mean that hers is. She stomps off. Daniel and Kim seem a bit ruffled, but Ken thinks it’s funny.

Later, at lunch, the freaks discuss their plans for the future, which will prove that they’re not lost causes. The plans are a bit vague, except for Ken’s. He plots to sell his dad’s company the moment the old man kicks it and move to Hawaii. Kim says that she wants to be a lawyer, so she can break guys out of jail (Ken suggests future Daniel as a good breaking-out-of-jail candidate. Kim doesn’t appreciate it). Daniel refuses to disclose his plans. Nick’s are the most entertaining, he declares that he wants to be a DJ . . . and a lumberjack. He also theorizes that Lindsay’s not really upset about the car, she’s really upset about their breakup. Kim doesn’t bother to disguise her eye-rolling.

Elsewhere at lunch, the geeks discuss Sam’s new and improved hair. Gordon tells Sam that his mom said everyone should be happy with what the good Lord gave them. (The Lord is apparently not keen on feathering). Bill points out that the good Lord gave Gordon rather a lot, and Gordon explains that his whole family is tubby, and it’s not bad ---- everyone likes a jolly fat guy.

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 12 - The Garage Door

Episode twelve of Freaks and Geeks, (‘The Garage Door’), kicks off with our geeks Sam, Bill, and Neal, chillin’ at Neal’s house watching Saturday Night Live. (Neal quotes the phrase ‘Jane you ignorant slut’, which was a staple of the Point/Counterpoint segment with Jane Curtain and Dan Aykroyd. For her part, Jane tended to begin with, ‘Dan, you pompous ass’). Bill falls asleep, so naturally the other guys see how many Monopoly pieces they can balance on him before he wakes ---- via Neal’s dad, Dr. Schweiber, who arrives bearing ice cream. Neal’s dad, they all agree, is super cool.

Meanwhile, the freaks are hanging out at the school’s band practice. And, because these are the freaks we’re talking about, they mostly spend their time making fun of the band. Ken mockingly catcalls their tuba player (side note: tuba pick-up lines? not so hot), and Nick gripes about their cover of Chicago’s 25 or 6 to 4. (This song has been covered a lot since its release back in 1970. Sadly, we’ll never get Nick’s opinion on that one time Jonathan Coulton mashed it with The Beatles’ When I’m Sixty-Four to create When I’m 25 or 64). Post-griping, Lindsay and Ken bicker a bit and Nick swoops in to apologize for Ken, making it clear that his thing for Lindsay is still very much alive.

Time for dinner with the parents, now with the addition of Neal, who’s eating with the Weirs as his dad’s off performing emergency dental surgery. He grosses the family out with dental talk at the table and not-so-smoothly asks Lindsay if she’s seen Ordinary People, clearly angling for a date. (Coming out in 1980 and the directorial debut of Robert Redford, Ordinary People won four Oscars . . . but isn’t what you’d call a date movie). She’s oblivious. The topic of conversation switches to Atari when Sam asks for one for his birthday, but nothing doing on that front. The Weir parents are firmly against the idea, even when Sam points out that Neal’s dad might be getting him one for his birthday.

After dinner, Lindsay takes off to ‘the library’. Naturally, this is a front. She joins the freaks at a local diner, and, when the guys head off to order, Kim quizzes her about her relationship with Nick. Lindsay says she’s just trying to be friends. Kim’s skeptical, but goes along and tells Lindsay to be careful not to lead Nick on, he’s obviously still got feelings and Lindsay should stop being nice and unleash her inner love-quelling bitch. Although Lindsay’s hesitant, Kim assures her that it’s all for Nick’s own good. Nick, meanwhile, is confessing his Lindsay-love to Daniel, who also advises him to stop being nice. Daniel thinks that a little cold shouldering will do the trick, and is even adopting a new lovin’ strategy for himself: end fights with Kim by simply not fighting back and letting her tire herself out. How romantic. While Daniel and Nick grapple with their lady troubles, Ken gets in a little female interaction when the tuba-playing girl (who turns out to be named Amy, and who’s a distant friend of Lindsay’s) turns up at the diner. She and Ken exchange sarcastic barbs.

Neal’s mom arrives and picks him up, and shortly afterward Sam accompanies his own mom to the store. She quickly gets sucked into a microwave demo, so Sam heads over to check out the Atari display (which features the games Space Invaders, Football, Robot Tank and Triple Action, the two latter of which wouldn’t actually come out until a couple of years after the show’s set date), and is surprised to see Dr. Schweiber nearby . . . lovingly embracing a blonde woman Sam’s never seen before. Yikes. He disengages at full speed when he spots Sam and immediately starts talking, making a forced Star Trek joke and awkwardly introducing ‘Carol’, who, he says, is an old friend from high school. Drawing Sam aside, he asks him not to tell anyone, claiming he was just at the mall to buy Neal an Atari and Sam can’t ruin the surprise. Sam agrees, visibly uncomfortable.

School time. Nick wants to go to Pink Floyd night at Laserdome, and the guys are quickly in (Ken thinks he can make a better laser show in his mind, but agrees to come anyway). The girls, however, are another story. Turns out the last time Daniel had gone, he and Kim had been on break and he’d instead taken a girl named Wendy. And yes, that would include every meaning of the word ‘taken’, all while inside the theatre. Kim’s still bearing a serious grudge. Lindsay, meanwhile, is at first in ---- but then remembers that she’s supposed to be embracing her inner ice queen and turns dismissive. They agree to go, but make it clear that they’re not overjoyed.

The geeks discuss famous jolly fat guys, including Burl Ives, Jackie Gleason, Curly, Santa, and Raymond Burr, although Burr’s jolliness is debated. Just then, Cindy wanders over to borrow a pencil. It’s the moment of hair truth! Sadly for Sam, Cindy just asks if he wore a hat or something, because his hair looks weird and flat. Ouch. After she leaves, Neal tells Sam that he must also change his wardrobe to really kick the seduction into a higher gear.

That night at dinner, Sam asks for money to buy clothes and declines the help of his mom. He’s going to choose his own gear. Lindsay asks her parents if they’re cool with her joining the mathletes again and staying after school to attend their practices. Influenced by stern looks from Mrs. Weir, Mr. Weir tells her it’s fine, but it had better not be some kind of ploy. At school, the math teacher is similarly suspicious, although he says he’s glad to have her back. Still, she’ll have to be placed on the reserves for a while. He instructs her to come to practices regularly and he’ll see what can be done after a couple of months.

Daniel and Kim are making out when Kim breaks away, saying she needs to get to class. Daniel suggests they skip class and go have sex, but Kim’s determined. She reminds Daniel of his ‘big plans’. He says yeah, but yesterday he’d gone to classes and was bored out of his skull. Kim leaves anyway, and Daniel’s left alone in the hall. Aw. Later, Lindsay’s having fun with the mathletes when the current top mathlete (Shelly, who only gained that position after Lindsay left) turns up and is snide about Lindsay’s freak involvement, saying that she bets the freaks were all high during the car incident and that Kim is totally pregnant. Lindsay defends Kim. After that run-in, Lindsay stops by the math teacher’s office and asks to be made first block ahead of Shelly. Again, he says he can’t bump anyone because they’ve all worked hard, but Lindsay counters that, if they’re going to have a team, it might as well be a winning one

Back with Sam’s clothing quest, in the mall he walks into a shop and encounters a clerk, who somehow manages to sell him on buying a ‘Parisian Nightsuit’. It’s a powder blue jumpsuit that looks like it should be in a music video. At home, Sam hold it up to himself and shows off some dance moves, practising his Cindy-seduction tactics.

Mathlete practice time! The coach tells everyone that he’s decided to put Lindsay on the team ---- but, to do this, he’s benching Millie. Shelly objects heartily. Millie’s disappointed, but advocates for Lindsay anyway, arguing that the team needs her to win. The coach tells them all to tone it down, declaring that “It’s not the last chopper out of Saigon!”. They pipe down. Afterward, Lindsay studies with Millie and quizzes her about Shelly. Millie’s tired. Lindsay says that if she’s not moved to first block, she’ll quit. She didn’t come to be second best. At home, Mrs. Weir advises Lindsay to ease up on the constant studying, but Lindsay says no. She must emerge victorious over Shelly.

Sam comes to school the next day in his new jumpsuit. He’s initially confident, but is quickly cowed when everyone laughs at him, including the geeks, who think it’s hilarious. “I guess Elvis hasn’t left the building,” quips Neal. Sam points out that Neal had told him to dress better. Neal counters that he didn’t mean to dress like Evel Knievel (in addition to the famous American daredevil being known for his death-defying stunts, he was also known for his flashy jumpsuits). Sam tries to have them move in a pack and shield him to the school doors, but they’re caught and directed back inside for class . . . where Sam is called upon to do a problem at the board. The students cough ‘homo!’ under their breaths. The teacher defends Sam, telling the class that if Sam being himself is ‘homo’, everyone should be proud to be homos. It’s unclear if this makes things better or worse.

Outside, Daniel comes upon the geeky Harris reading the D&D Monster Manual. Daniel asks him what, if asked, he’d say about Daniel to other people. Is Daniel a cool guy, or a loser? Well, he’s not a loser, Harold says, because Daniel has sex, but if it wasn’t for the sex he’d definitely be on shaky ground. Daniel confesses to his terrible grades and dreading school because of it. Harold, ever the sage, assures him that today is the first day of the rest of his life. Well, that’s good. Daniel tells Harold that he’s a pretty cool and put-together guy. Yes, Harold agrees, but he doesn’t have sex. One point to Daniel.

At the big mathlete competition Millie encourages Lindsay, as do Lindsay’s parents, who turn up for the occasion. Even Kim lurks in and sits in the back of the room, where she’s surprised to encounter Nick. He quickly excuses himself. During the competition, Lindsay’s very nice to Shelly, although Shelly’s still not feeling the love. When Lindsay stands up to take her turn, everyone claps, including the freaks (Ken, Daniel, and Kim), who’ve all turned up in the back row. The problem is given, and Lindsay quickly solves it for the win. She goes on to continue her winning streak, getting every single question right and generally being amazing. Kim mutters that she’s never felt dumber in her life. After Lindsay goes flawless, basking in praise, Shelly’s next up. The question is posed. Shelly freezes, never recovers, and the opposing school’s candidate takes the point.

Sam’s still trying to get a ride home when a bunch of bullies harass him. After much provocation, Sam shoves their leader, and is just making a break for it when they’re all caught by guidance counsellor Mr. Rosso. Sam ends up managing to score a ride back to his house from Mr. Rosso. When they arrive, Sam flops over onto a couch in the throes of depression. Aw. Mr. Rosso talks about his own youth, where people had made fun of how he dressed, but he’d never lost pride in himself. He declares that it’s all about confidence ---- if Sam believes that he’s the coolest guy in the room, he will be. That night, the geeks have a sleepover and discuss Mr. Rosso’s theory. Neal points out the he already considers himself cool, but nobody else seems to (“Maybe you’re just not cool,” Bill provides). Sam tries saying, with conviction, that he’s cool. It actually appears to make him somewhat more cool, at least in the eyes of Bill.

Down the street, the freaks are sitting on the hoods of their cars and talking. Kim suggests that they all go see a foreign film. Ken and Nick laugh, but Daniel says he’ll go. Just then, Lindsay appears and asks what they’re up to. Kim tells her, and Lindsay asks if she can tag along, Sure she can. They’re about to pile into their cars when Nick takes Lindsay aside and ‘comfortingly’ says that he’s happy to see that Lindsay’s finally dealing okay with their breakup. Lindsay manages to resist rolling her eyes. Together again, the freaks jump into their rides and roll out.

At lunch with the geeks, Neal’s jazzed. His dad’s just surprised him with an Atari! He invites the guys over later to play it, then heads off to grab more food. In his absence, Bill asks Sam what’s wrong and Sam confesses about Dr. Schweiber, demonstrating the lingering and intimate hug he’d observed. Bad touch alert. Bill thinks they should tell Neal, but Sam’s not so sure. Although Sam’s still against it when playing Asteroids later (as one if the most popular games ever, Universal Studios recently obtained the rights to turn Asteroids into a movie. Yep, a movie), Bill decides that they should stick to their friend pledge of telling each other everything and informs Neal. He refuses to believe it and insists that Sam must’ve been mistaken. After all, his father was doing a root canal and couldn’t have been at the store. Sam quietly points out that they’d talked, causing Neal to accuse him of being a liar, jealous of Neal’s cool dad. The argument’s cut off abruptly when Dr. Schweiber turns up. Bill and Sam quickly make their excuses and leave.

Unfortunately for Sam, he arrives home to his mom, who, in addition to wanting to know where he was and being surprised that Neal had in fact been gifted an Atari, gives him the news that Dr. Schweiber had just called to make an appointment for Sam’s six-month checkup. That appointment? Tomorrow. Ouch. That night, Sam talks with Lindsay, discussing affairs and the people who have them. He asks if she thinks their own dad might ever have one. It’s a solemn moment, or at least it is until the man himself appears, rumpled and wearing only underwear, and they both dissolve into giggles. They’re pretty sure that Papa Weir’s staying put.

The morning, however, brings another awkward conversation into Sam’s life. With Sam trapped in a dental chair, Neal’s dad repeats that he and Carol are just friends, then, when Sam says he believes that, continues. He confesses that he hadn’t dated much before he met his now-wife, then tries to explain getting older and bored, feeling like he deserves the chance to find the something that’s missing from his life. (Freaks and Geeks doesn’t shy away from the heavy subjects, and this is definitely one of its more sombre conversations). He tells Sam that he just needs time, and then everything will be normal again.

Romantic turmoil’s also brewing within the geeks. Daniel catches Ken gazing at Amy during her band practice and teases him thoroughly, but is also excited. Ken’s never had a crush before, and Daniel’s delighted that he’s finally found a lady to moon over. He offers to ask Lindsay to talk to Amy on Ken’s behalf. Lindsay’s up for it, but first meets up with Ken to confirm that this is what he wants ---- and is surprised to find exactly how strong Ken’s feelings are. He’s got it bad. Lindsay makes him promise to be nice to Amy and then talks to the lady herself, telling her about Ken’s crush and inviting her to Laser dome. Despite her previous sarcasm, Amy turns out to think that Ken’s equally cute and readily agrees to tag along. Aw.

Neal checks his dad’s car for cheating evidence, hoping to find nothing, but discovers a strange garage door opener and shows it to the geeks. After Bill suggests that it might belong to his dad’s secret love nest, they all head out after school on their bikes. Neal’s determined to find the mystery garage. The search progresses for an hour or so before they all take a break and have a chat. They agree that they wouldn’t cheat on their wives, although Sam expresses wonder that anyone can get two women. He can’t even get one! Bill thinks he’d like a girl in a bottle, just like in I Dream of Jeannie, and the geeks share a moment of appreciation of Jeannie’s skimpy harem outfit. (Especially for a show airing from 1965-1970, I Dream of Jeannie was quite rich in scantily-clad ladies).

Amy keeps up her sarcastic wit at the show, and Ken, trying to stick with his niceness promise, is a touch awkward keeping up. Daniel and Kim start off okay, but Kim’s soon in a snit after remembering his Wendy involvement. She stomps off. Daniel reminds Nick to stay cool in order to maximize his Lindsay chances, and Nick’s just getting pumped up to hear Floyd when the music starts . . . and turns out to be southern rock. Pink Floyd night’s next week. Oops. He and Lindsay end up laughing together over the mistake, though, so it’s not all bad. Things are also looking up for Ken. While Amy’s off getting food (and, amusing, the song Amie by Pure Prairie League is playing) Daniel tells Ken that he’ll need to make the first move, what with her being a band chick and all. He advises Ken to not ask if he can kiss her, but instead to stare intently at her. Eventually, Daniel swears, there’ll be nothing to do but kiss.

Meanwhile, darkness falls on the geeks. It’s getting late, and Sam tells Neal that he needs to go home. His parents will be worried. Bill’s with Sam, his mom doesn’t like watching Dallas alone and he should get back. They offer to rejoin the search in the morning, but Neal refuses to give it up at all and is pretty angry that they would. He insists that he’d be there for them if it was one of their dads, but it doesn’t help. Sam and Bill have to go. When Sam gets home, his parents are waiting for him. He thinks they’re mad, but they smile and tell him he’s a good kid and they’ve got something for him. It’s an Atari. Aw. When Mr. Weir cheerfully suggests that Sam teach him how to play, Sam bursts into tears and hugs him. It’s good to be home. Back out in the night, Neal finally, after a long search, finds a door that opens. His father’s vanity-plated ‘Vette is revealed inside. After staring at it, Neal throws the door opener as hard as he can, watching it bounce under the car, and rides silently away.

At Laserdome, Lindsay apologizes for acting standoffish, telling Nick that she knows it’s stupid, but she’d thought he might still like her and didn’t want to lead him on. Ouch. Although Nick’s crushed, he disguises it and forced-laughs with Lindsay over how conceited she is. Amy’s not that comfortable either, what with Ken’s Basilisk-level staring game. Finally, she asks him what’s up. Ken confesses that he wants to kiss her, and is startled but pleased when she replies ‘okay’ and promptly kicks off a game of tonsil hockey. Daniel’s looking on proudly when he’s joined by Kim, who’s been watching from the door. His no-fighting-back strategy has paid off, and they too happily make out. “I’d be lying if I didn’t say this was painful,” Nick admits to Lindsay, watching the happy couples. She smiles awkwardly and looks back at him, and, with a chair between them, they turn to stare up at the screen.

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 13 - Chokin' and Tokin'

Episode thirteen of Freaks and Geeks, (Chokin’ and Tokin’), opens in the school cafeteria. Nick, clearly stoned out of his mind, has totally forgotten that he was supposed to go meet Lindsay for lunch at Denny’s. She’s not happy, despite his explanation that he’s just trying to have fun before report cards are given out and the hammer comes down. That fun is impeded by the fact thathe’s now out of weed, and so’s his dealer. He tries to borrow some from Daniel and Ken, but they both claim to be similarly exhausted. Plus, they think, he’s looking kinda rough. Maybe he should ease up on the pot. In fact, Daniel’s so affected that afterward he heads over to toss the weed from his locker, looking forward to a more drug-free life. Ken, however, thinks that Daniel should donate the weed to a worthy cause ---- like, say, Ken ---- and the two wrestle over it before being spotted by guidance counselor Mr. Rosso. Oops.

At the Weir house, the family’s watching Charlie’s Angels (airing from 1976-1981, audiences loved following the three beautiful private investigators’ adventures, although critics branded the show mere ‘Jiggle TV’ due to their forever-skimpy outfits) and chatting. Lindsay reluctantly agrees to babysit for a neighboring family, the Johnsons, at her mother’s request, and Mr. Weir quizzes Sam about girls. It’s time, he thinks, for Sam to begin testing the waters. The next day at school, Neal agrees. They need to get some lady-friends. And, shortly after that decision, they literally run into some suitable candidates . . . Maureen and Vicky, a pair of cute cheerleaders. Sweet. Bill, mind you, isn’t so enthused, although he does have a bit of a crush on their young and pretty teacher, Miss Foote. When she sneezes in class, Bill ends up commiserating with her over the pain of allergies. Bill’s got a full list, including a deathly serious peanut allergy. Neal and Sam aren’t overjoyed when Bill moves on to talking about their allergies as well, causing the whole class to giggle at them. They confront Bill afterward and tell him that he can keep being a geek if he wants, but they’re sick of it.

After a few potless days, Nick’s looking better, but feeling desperate. Lindsay compliments him on his newly-clear eyes and suggests they cut out later and go do something fun. She’s on. They head off to shoot somehoops (where Nick jokingly compares himself to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, notable both for his extraordinary career as a top-scoring basketball star and for wearing goggles on the court) and are laughing together when Mark turns up. The weed supply has officially been restocked, and Nick’s first in line. He invites Lindsay back to his place to smoke it, promising fun, and she goes along reluctantly. Well, turns out Nick’s idea of fun is getting totally zonked and scarfing down chips. Lindsay’s bored out of her skull, and finally asks why he does this to himself, that he’s such an amazing guy when he’s not stoned, and she really thinks he’s addicted. He retorts that she doesn’t know anything and, pissed, tosses the remains of his bag of weed to her, proving just how unaddicted he is.

During class, Miss Foote makes a joke about Bill’s allergies, expecting him to laugh along, but he’s not happy. Afterward, he tells her he’d rather she didn’t talk about them, it makes him look like a geek. Aw. She apologizes and assures him that he’s not a geek. “Tell that to the rest of the world,” Bill replies glumly, then heads off to the lockers to catch Neal and Sam and ask whose mom will be driving them to the sci-fi con that weekend. Neither, as it happens ---- they’re both opting out to watch Maureen and Vicky’s cheer competition. Bill’s day gets even worse at lunch, when he leaves his sandwich unattended for a moment and bully Alan slips some peanuts into it, trying to prove that Bill’s allergies are fake and he’s just doing it for attention. When he bites into it, Alan laughingly asks if they should call an ambulance. “Yeah,” Bill says quietly, before collapsing.

Daniel and Ken visit Mr. Rosso’s office, where he introduces them to an old student, Frank, who doesn’t seem all there. After he departs, Mr. Rosso tells the boys to pay attention. Frank had fried his brain with drugs, and they’ll become the same way if they keep on their joint-smokin’ path. He totally refuses to believe that Daniel was actually trying to get rid of his weed. Later, Daniel and Ken head over to Nick’s, where they talk pot and agree that Nick’ll probably have to give it up if he wants to get with Lindsay. She’s just too much of a straight arrow. And cut to Lindsay, who’s cautiously made herself a joint with Nick’s baggie and is absolutely stoned out of her gourd. She dumps everything hurriedly out the window when her dad unexpectedly pops up, wanting to know why she’s home. Isn’t she supposed to be babysitting? Oops. Lindsay tries to beg off, but nothing works. It’s kid-watching time.

At the hospital, Bill is unconscious and in critical condition when Mrs. Weir arrives with Neal and Sam in tow. Bill’s mom Gloria is frantic, and Mrs. Weir tries to comfort her while Neal and Sam sit awkwardly by. They speculate on what Bill would be like as a ghost, laughing that he’d maybe be like Casper the Friendly Ghost (funnily enough in 1980 Casper-news, a show called Casper and the Angels aired from 1979-80 in an attempt to capitalize on the popularity of Charlie’s Angels), and possibly they’d be the only ones who could see him so everyone would think they were crazy. Just like Wilbur on Mister Ed! (On the classic series, klutzy architect Wilbur Post was the only one spoken to by the titular horse Mister Ed. His actor, Alan Young, was cast by producer Arthur Lubin simply because he ‘just seemed like the sort of guy a horse would talk to’). Their laughter trails off when they realize that this is serious, and Bill really is in danger of dying.

Meanwhile, Lindsay shows up at Millie’s and asks her to come babysitting. At first, Millie’s happy, but she quickly guesses what’s up. She agrees to go, but only for the sake of the child. It’s a very good thing she does. Lindsay listens uncomprehendingly to the Johnson parents as they talk house rules, then simply excuses herself to the bathroom and leaves everything to Millie. When she emerges, she makes her way to a bedroom, where she flops onto the bed and flips through an encyclopedia to the marijuana section. She’s just reading about the possible effects when she’s startled by a tag from the kid, Ronnie. She’s it! Yeah, not so much. Lindsay despairs to Millie that she just can’t handle him right now, the house is freaking her out, and she wants to go lie down outside. Millie tells her to calm down. Lindsay can relax in the living room, and Millie will put Ronnie to bed and take care of her.

Alan’s dad drags him down to the hospital and makes him confess everything to Gloria. He waits with the rest of them to apologize to Bill when he wakes up, but slips into Bill’s room while he’s still out and challengingly asks if he’s really unconscious or just faking. The bullying fades soon enough when he, just like Neal and Sam, realizes the gravity of the situation. He tries to defend his actions by saying that they’d never been nice to him ---- when they were all kids he’d thought they were really cool, but they wouldn’t let him hang out even though he liked comic books and sci-fi too ---- but then quietly asks Bill to please not die. If Bill recovers, he promises, he’ll never be mean to him again. While Alan’s having a moment inside the room, Neal and Sam are surprised to see Vicky and Maureen arrive. They have a moment of their own when the girls, after hearing of Bill’s critical status, start hugging and attempting to comfort them.

Back to Lindsay’s adventures in weed. She’s philosophizing that all people are unhappy when Millie counters that she’s not, she knows that God’s taking care of her. She has faith. Lindsay’s not so into faith and starts wondering if maybe everything’s a dream. What if they’re all just characters in the Johnson family dog’s dream, and they’ll vanish if he wakes? She panics when Millie decides to wake the dog, telling Lindsay to have faith, they’re in God’s world and not the dog’s dream. Lindsay’s astounded when the dog wakes up and they remain alive. It’s a miracle!

Bill’s condition does improve, and, when he’s alert again, everyone is let in a moment to visit. On their way out, Sam and Neal get a second alone with him, and, after making sure he’s okay, tell him how upset (and hands-on!) Vicky and Maureen have been. Well, Bill offers, they can say he’s still dying if it’ll help them get a date, but they’ll also need to come with him to the sci-fi convention. They’re delighted about the former, and assure Bill that they were planning on going to the con anyway. The gang’s back together.

Lindsay, meanwhile, rhapsodises over cereal and thanks Millie for helping out. When Millie puts on the song Baby, Don’t Get Hooked on Me by Mac Davis (which Davis released in 1972, after his record company asked him to write a song with a ‘hook’), Lindsay remembers how they used to love Davis and adore his show. They laugh over it and Lindsay tells Millie that she loves her too, then wonders why they’re not friends anymore. Millie’s hurt. She thought that they were friends. They are, Lindsay replies . . . but they’re not really. Even though they’re the same people they were when they were five, it’s just different now. Lindsay’s different now, Millie corrects, and Lindsay admits it, then declares that she’s not going to be different anymore and they’ll be best friends again. Maybe. Millie doesn’t think so. Sadly, she says that she feels sorry for Lindsay. Tomorrow, when the weed wears off, she’s not going to believe in God or want to be friends. That’s not true, Lindsay insists. “I hope not,” Millie tells her. Much later, back at home, Lindsay’s curled up in bed when her mom stops in and asks how everything had gone. Lindsay declares that she’s never ‘babysitting’ again.

When everyone else files out, Bill’s next visitor is Alan, who’s quickly back to confrontational and mocking now that Bill’s awake. He’s taken aback when Bill lets him know that he had in fact heard everything Alan had confessed before, then invites him along to the con. Alan tries to say that he doesn’t want to hang out with ‘you losers’, but Bill points out that he knows Alan really does, plus it’ll be so much fun. George Takei is going to be there! (Speaking of geek-favorite properties, before his famous role as Lt. Sulu in Star Trek, Takei appeared in an episode in the 1966 first season of Mission Impossible. The series would later add his Trek co-star Leonard Nimoy as a regular after Star Trek’s 1969 cancellation). Although Alan’s excited about Takei, he’s still undecided. Bill lets him know when and where they’ll be leaving from and tells him to just show up if he wants to come. Maybe. As he leaves, Alan turns back to apologize sincerely, and Bill tells him it’s okay . . . just don’t do it again. His final visitor for the day is Miss Foote, who holds his hand and asks if he’s okay. Bills smiles and tells her that he is now.

The day of the sci-fi con, Alan rides up on his bike and sees the guys ready to get their Star Wars cosplay on, with Bill as the sole exception. He’s cosplaying the Fourth Doctor (one of the most recognizable Doctors, Tom Baker starred as the scarf-loving fourth incarnation from 1974-1981). They’re all laughing, and Alan watches them in a moment. “Man, I just can’t do it,” he finally says to himself, ruefully, and rides away again unseen.

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 14 - Dead Dogs and Gym Teachers

Episode fourteen of Freaks and Geeks, (Dead Dogs and Gym Teachers), begins with Mr. Weir, gazing disapprovingly at a Who Are You record. Yeah, he’s pretty opposed to Lindsay’s going to the upcoming The Who concert ---- although he also confuses them with KISS. Mrs. Weir, however, is more in favor, pointing out that Lindsay’s already been to see Rich Little (AKA The Man of a Thousand Voices, famed impressionist and voice actor). That’s bound to prepare her, right?

Although Sam tries to sabotage her going, arguing that if he’s not allowed to go see The Kentucky Fried Movie she shouldn’t be allowed to see The Who, eventually Mr. Weir agrees to listen to a record and make his decision based on that. (It’s quite understandable for the Weirs to forbid Sam from seeing The Kentucky Fried Movie. Although it was a hit and written by the same team who’d go on to do Airplane!, Police Squad! and the Naked Gun films, it also contained a great deal of nudity and sketches like ‘Catholic High School Girls in Trouble’, ‘Feel-A-Round’, and ‘The Wonderful World of Sex’. Yeah, not so appropriate).

Over at Bill’s house, he’s happily watching TV by himself when his mom sits down and tells him that they’ll be having a guest for dinner . . . Mr. Fredricks, the school gym teacher. She’s been dating him for a while, and it’s now serious enough to tell Bill about. Bill tries to forbid the match, but she assures him that Mr. Fredricks ---- otherwise known as Ben ---- is really a great guy. Dinner does not go well. Ben tries to connect with Bill by talking movies, going on about his personal favourite Rocky II, but Bill’s not much for sports movies. Bill Murray’s more his speed.

Unfortunately Ben does not know that, which is why he offhandedly, after hearing that the last movie Bill had seen was Stripes (which was originally pitched as ‘Cheech and Chong join the army’), comments that Bill Murray’s a ‘wiseass’ and somebody should smack some respect into him. He tries to backtrack when Bill retorts that Bill Murray’s the funniest man on the planet, but the damage has already been done.

The guy freaks discuss the concert at school, and Nick takes the opportunity to talk about how he’s teaching himself guitar and is hoping Lindsay comes, because he wants to write her a love song. He tries to demo his skills, but is forced to knock it off when a teacher calls him ‘Coco’ and tells him that they’re not in the cafeteria from Fame (yes, the 1980 musical). Ouch. Lindsay, meanwhile, isn’t having the best of days. The previous night she’d been in the car with Kim, discussing Fleetwood Mac and whether Stevie Nicks is secretly a witch (rumours of Nicks’ supposed witchcraft have indeed been present throughout her career, although she’s always denied them strongly), when they hear a thump. Although it’s brushed off as probably no big deal at the time, at school in the morning they find a tearful Millie. Her dog Goliath had been run over and killed, and she’s devastated. Lindsay’s horrified to realize it must’ve been her and Kim, and even Kim’s deeply affected. She loves dogs. Lindsay wants to ‘fess up, but Kim’s sure it wouldn’t do any good and would just upset Millie more.

While they’re waiting in class for the teacher, Kim talks to Millie and shares her own story of dog loss. She’d had a dog who she’d adored. Unfortunately he was also epileptic, making him messy, and one day she’d arrived home to find that her parents had had him put to sleep without even letting her know. Millie invites her to Goliath’s funeral ceremony, and Kim emotionally accepts. The actual funeral, attended by Millie, Kim, and a deeply uncomfortable Lindsay, is also highly emotional, and it helps to kick off a friendship between Kim and Millie. The next day at school Lindsay’s surprised to hear Millie say that, not only is she going to The Who concert, she’s even blowing off homework that day to go to the record store after school with Kim. Although Lindsay’s alarmed, Millie’s excited, and says that she guesses she’s exploring just like Lindsay had. Hm. When Lindsay tries to convince Kim to tell Millie the truth and detach from her before she gets into trouble, Kim’s offended and informs Lindsay that she’ll kick her ass if she tries to tell.

With the geeks, they’re talking M*A*S*H when Mr. Fredricks stops them and is uncharacteristically friendly to Bill, making it clear there’s something up. Sam and Neal dig, and eventually Bill admits it and swears them to secrecy. He’s still not at all cool with the relationship. When gym class rolls around, he makes waves by totally refusing to participate. Literally anything is more worth his time, he declares, and Mr. Fredricks is welcome to tell his mom if he disagrees. The coach repeatedly demands that Bill fall back into line, but Bill calls back to leave him alone and takes off. Bully Alan is pretty impressed. The coach, not so much.

In the morning at home, Bill’s getting outside of a bowl of Count Chocula when he’s appalled to see Ben wander in, having obviously spent the night. When the guy obliviously grabs a mug saying ‘Bill’ on the side and uses it for juice, it’s the last straw. Bill abandons his food and leaves. Ben’s confused. He’s not sure what he can possibly do to make Bill stop hating him. Bill’s mom thinks they just need to spend more time together and suggests they go to Go-Kart City, a place Bill’s been dying to visit but she’s always said no. Hey, Ben says, he actually loves Go-Kart City! He’d be happy to take Bill. He heads off to Bill’s room, where Sam and Neal are over (with Caddyshack, keeping up the Bill Murray movie streak, and Animal House, which was directed by the same guy [John Landis] as the earlier-mentioned The Kentucky Fried Movie, posters in the background), and gets with the inviting. Bill’s not feeling it, but the other two definitely are, and Neal accepts for all three of them. Ben rolls with it. They’re off to the races.

After having a go at listening to The Who by Numbers, and first encountering ‘Squeeze Box’, Mr. Weir’s not okay with the sexual subtext and forbids Lindsay’s Who-going. (Writer Pete Townshend, who said the song was ‘intended as a poorly aimed dirty joke’, was astonished by its chart success. It peaked at number 10 in the UK, number 16 in the US, and number 1 in Canada. Not too bad for a dirty song about accordions). Shortly afterward, he relents upon hearing that Millie’s going and Lindsay really wants to keep an eye on her. It can’t be that awful if Millie’s going, right? Meanwhile, Nick sings ‘Lady L’, his love song to Lindsay, to a dismayed Ken. Ken’s not shy about informing him that it’s terrible and should never see the light of day.

When they hit the track at Go-Kart City, Neal and Sam are having a blast, and even Bill starts having fun ---- especially when he’s out front after a few laps. It looks like he’s about to win when Ben, who’s been trying to pass for the last couple of laps, bumps him, causing Bill to lose control and spin out into a pile of hay bales. Everyone else jumps out of their karts at the finish line and runs back, laughing about how cool it was, and Ben’s shocked when Bill furiously tells him that he hates him. He always has to win, Bill says, it’s all he cares about, and he doesn’t care at all about other peoples’ feelings. Ben tries to apologize as Bill leaves, but Bill’s not having it. He follows Bill back to the car and tries again, telling Bill that he may be right, maybe Ben is just a stupid jock gym teacher, but he also really loves Bill’s mom and wants very much to make her happy. She’s had a rough few years, she deserves some happiness, and Ben might not be as bad a guy as Bill thinks. When Bill doesn’t reply, he leaves, and, alone, Bill breaks down in tears.

Lindsay meets up with the freaks and other Who-goers at the bus they’ll be taking up to the concert, and is not at all pleased to find Millie in ripped jeans and a band shirt with at least one boy perving on her. Millie’s mom, when she shows up, isn’t so happy either and orders her to come home. Millie tells her off and refuses to go, much to the delight of the other kids. Lindsay and Kim aren’t quite so jazzed, and Lindsay’s still a bit distracted when she sits down with Nick, who earnestly tells her how Pete Townshend’s really been inspiring him as a songwriter and prepares to sing Lindsay her love song . . . only to be abruptly cut off when Ken grabs his guitar and smashes it to pieces, Who-style. When Nick confronts Ken, Ken insists he’d done him a huge favor. Nick demands a replacement guitar.

At this point, Daniel asks who wants a beer, and Lindsay’s horrified when Millie takes one. She reminds Millie that she doesn’t drink. Millie replies that now’s a good time to start. Uh-oh. Millie’s about to take a sip when Kim blurts out that she’d killed her dog and confesses the whole story. Millie’s successfully prevented from drinking, but she’s devastated, and especially hurt that Lindsay’d been keeping the secret too. She leaves and Lindsay goes after her, pausing a moment to thank Kim. When she does catch up to Millie, they manage to iron things out. They joke, only slightly wistfully, about how happy they are to not be going to the concert, and Lindsay gives Millie a picture she’d found of them as little kids next to Goliath. He was a good dog.

Ben’s watching basketball at Bill’s house when Bill wanders in. The coach hands over the remote and asks if Bill wants to watch something. Indeed he does: Dallas is on. (A few years after this episode’s set, in 1984, the video game The Dallas Quest would be released. Yes, a video game for Bill’s beloved soap opera). Bill switches the channel over, watching raptly as Ben visibly grows more and more bored and uncomfortable, but doesn’t feel like he can leave. At peak uncomfortableness, Ben’s surprised and pleased when Bill starts explaining the various characters and their motivations to him. Ben asks questions and Bill answers, and, as the tension in the room starts to melt away, Ben smiles.

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 15 - Noshing and Moshing 

Episode fifteen of Freaks and Geeks, (Noshing and Moshing), kicks off with the geeks. With much drama, Neal breaks out something that he says will change their lives and give them ‘power, respect, and money’ . . . a ventriloquist's dummy. Sam and Bill are less than convinced. Neal’s parents aren’t too jazzed either, especially when Neal gets borderline-obsessed with ‘Morty’ and starts bringing him to the dinner table. They ask him if all the ventriloquism might have something to do with his sudden drop in grades.

Neal insists that they’re not connected and promises to do better, then leaves to go watch Willie Tyler and Lester on Hollywood Squares(a ventriloquist, Tyler guest-starred in a few sitcoms throughout the early 1980s, as well as hosting The ABC Weekend Special and appearing in commercials for McDonald’s and Toyota).

Meanwhile, the Weir family debates going to the upcoming Schweiber party. Neal’s dad invites all the patients in his dental practice, and, while Mr. Weir would rather skip, Mrs. Weir thinks they’d better go since they missed it the previous year. Nobody likes an offended dentist. Lindsay, however, is given permission to avoid it. Later at school, Sam and Bill start getting concerned when Neal brings Morty along. He, he says, needs to practice with Morty because his brother Barry’s coming home on the weekend and he won’t have time then. Neal’s hoping to take control of his life, now that he knows he can’t depend on his parents anymore, and he’s hoping to make the big bucks with ventriloquism ---- just like the guy from Soap (this would be ventriloquist, Jay Johnson. He played Chuck Campbell, a mild-mannered guy who was always accompanied by his dummy and alter ego, the sharp-tongued Bob. Soap, a parody of daytime soap operas, was a pretty weird show). On a heavier note, Neal tells his friends that he thinks the weekend will be the time to tell Barry about their dad’s cheating.

Looking stressed and upset, Daniel tries to head off to school, but he’s stopped by his mom. Although he argues that he can’t afford any more tardy notices, she insists that he go pick up his father’s medication from the drugstore. She can’t leave in case he has a fall and she doesn’t trust Daniel’s brother, so it’s up to Daniel, and no, he can’t postpone until after school. Finally, Daniel agrees to do it. When he eventually does get to school, he’s greeted by an angry Kim. She’d left her notes in his car, and, as a result of not getting them in time, had failed a test. He blames her and they argue, ending in his calling her a bitch and her breaking off their relationship. Nothing’s going right.

Neal’s not doing so well either. When a teacher calls him out for not submitting his report with the rest of the class, Neal doesn’t take him seriously. Instead, he jokes around and talks back until the teacher sends him to the principal’s office. Later, in the cafeteria, Neal brings Morty and keeps up his ventriloquism, apparently not noticing that his friends are on the brink of refusing to be seen with him. He’s also still acting uncharacteristically brash: when a big bully makes fun of him, Neal has ‘Morty’ throw back some insults, apologizing that he can’t control the dummy. They go back and forth a bit until finally the kid gets up in Neal’s face and has to be made to back off by a teacher. Bill and Sam discuss Neal’s weirdness later, and Bill admits to being rather unnerved by Morty.

What if he came to life like in Magic? (1978's Magic starred Anthony Hopkins as a ventriloquist who’s progressively unable to control his murderous dummy, Fats. The trailer was pulled from TV after complaints of it terrifying children). Neal, they agree, is going through a really hard time . . . but they also wonder exactly how much of a jerk this gives him license to be.

Promising his mom he’ll be quiet, Daniel heads into his room and, sitting on the floor, listens to his new record (Black Flag’s Damaged, which would later be called one of the most important hardcore punk albums ever released) with headphones. He gets into it and starts silently headbanging to Rise Above. Next stop: the convenience store where Jenna Zank (local high school dropout and Serious Punk, complete with face paint and wildly spiked hair) works. She seems amused when he tries to talk up how punk he is and thinks his stated list of bands he likes (The Clash, Iggy Pop, The Ramones, and the Sex Pistols) are all obvious picks, but invites him down to a bar called The Armpit for Saturday night anyway. Sounds charming.

Neal’s brother Barry gets to town and visits the geeks at school. Although he’s not sure what to make of Morty, he praises Sam and Bill’s handsomeness, and, when Lindsay wanders by, her beauty. She’s pleased, and there’s obviously some mutual attraction going on. Later, after a family dinner where Neal’s dad jokes about the Schweiber men being irresistible to ladies and his mom talks about being lucky enough to get three Schweiber men all to herself, Neal can’t take it anymore and tells Barry about their father’s affair. He’s bracing himself . . . but it turns out that Barry already knows, and has known for quite a while. He’d seen their dad with another woman at a movie once and, although he doesn’t know if he was seen in turn, he does know that he’d gotten a car for his birthday that year. Barry doesn’t intend to fill their mother in and urges Neal not to either, telling him that, if he does, they’ll get divorced, sell the house, and Neal will only be able to see his dad on weekends.

Punk time! Daniel roughs up his clothes, attaches bunches of safety pins to his leather jacket, and spikes the heck out of his hair with the aid of raw eggs, also coloring it white. He definitely looks different, and, when he picks them up, Nick and Ken are startled. Nick tries not to laugh too hard, but Ken has no such scruples and tells Daniel that Edgar Winter had called. He needs his hair back. (Mostly popular in the ‘70s, musician Edgar Winter’s albinism gave him a distinctive look). Daniel snarks back that they’ll see who looks stupid when they get there, and he actually ends up fitting in pretty well at The Armpit. Nick and Ken, not so much, and Daniel quickly abandons them when he spots Jenna. She’s surprised by his new look, but Daniel assures her that this is the real him, and she laughs and tows him into the mosh pit. Time to rock out. Daniel’s jumping up and down and having fun . . . until he’s violently knocked into by another mosher, then, when he gets up, he’s kicked in the back of the head by a crowd surfer and sent to the ground again. He staggers off to the bathroom to check the damage.

The Weirs are pleased when Lindsay opts to join them for the party, although, when they arrive, Mr. Weir still heads right for some alcohol to help him endure the evening. Lindsay heads for Barry, who’s happy to see her, and they sit down together to chat. They share gripes about school, conversation comes easily, and they’re having fun when Barry asks if Lindsay might like to take a walk. Sure. We all know where this is going, and indeed it does. Out walking in the dark, they bond further over their respective weed misadventures. Barry talks about college and its potential for personal reinvention, and they’re both laughing and having a good time when he leans forward and kisses Lindsay. She kisses him right back.

Back at the party, Neal’s increasingly angry watching his parents interact, Bill would rather be watching Fantasy Island (now a classic series, Fantasy Island’s initial premise was a joke. After having six pitches rejected by a TV exec, frustrated producer Aaron Spelling asked, “What do you want? An island that people can go to and all of their sexual fantasies will be realized?” The exec loved the idea, although it was obviously tweaked a bit before filming), and Sam’s uncomfortable. When Neal’s dad proposes a sweet toast to his mom, Neal leaves, heading down the street by himself . . . just in time to catch his brother making out with Lindsay, Neal’s long-time crush. Ouch.

He heads back to the party, even more upset, and the moment he gets in he’s waylaid by his father. Dr. Schweiber wants him to do his ventriloquist act for the guests, and won’t take no for an answer. Neal and Morty are up. Dr. Schweiber quickly regrets his insistence when ‘Morty’ starts off by making a bunch of increasingly mean-spirited jokes about how terrible everyone’s dentist must be, then dentists in general, then a crack about Dr. Schweiber sexually assaulting his female patients while they’re unconscious. Yikes. He’s still talking when his dad calls an end to the routine, forcibly stopping Neal from working the dummy, causing Neal to shove out of his grasp and run off. The only one still laughing at this point is a totally hammered Mr. Weir.

When Daniel examines his head, he finds out that he’s actually bleeding pretty badly. He’s just seeing to it with some tissue when another guy comes into the bathroom and comments on the high level of posers outside, making Daniel retort that he’s not a poser. Relax, the guy tells him, he’s not calling Daniel a poser. He moves off to do his business, and Daniel takes a moment to regard his own refection in the grimy mirror before making his way back out to Jenna ---- who’s sitting near a girl doing quick (and casual!) facial piercings. Yep, it’s bad decision time. Daniel volunteers for one, and she’s just numbing his cheek with some ice when Nick appears and expresses his concerns. Daniel waves him off, but, just as the girl’s about to pierce him, Daniel watches in dismay as Jenna happily greets another guy and starts kissing him. Distracted, he flinches when the pin’s shoved in, ending up with a half-pierced facial mess, an irritated piercer, and a horrified Nick. Finally, Daniel agrees to leave.

Neal’s mom finds him in his room (where he’s got a Tunnel Vision poster on his wall, from the 1976 anthology-style comedy flick) and, sitting next to him on the bed, quietly asks what’s going on. He can tell her, she promises, it’s all right. He sadly says that he can’t, and, when she asks why, tearfully tells her that he doesn’t want to ruin her life. But, when she holds him tight, Neal finally spills that Dr. Schweiber’s cheating on her. She gently assures him that it’s okay. Marriage, she says, is a very complicated thing, and, although she and his dad have the rest of their lives to work out their marriage, they only have another couple of years with Neal at home. Their relationship is between them and they’re working on it, but that’s between them, and nothing will ever change the fact that they love Neal very much. She kisses and hugs him, then, after a moment, tells him that she thought he and Morty were funny. Neal’s pleased at that.

With Mr. Weir smashed and Mrs. Weir pretty drunk, Lindsay’s enlisted to drive everyone home. She stays back a moment with Barry and they say their goodbyes, both smiling. He invites her to visit him at college and they part with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Aw. Outside, walking down to the car in the dark with her family, Lindsay grins happily to herself. Inside, Mrs. Schweiber clears up and glances at her husband, clearly unhappy. And, upstairs, Neal stares at Morty, then breaks down into laughter. Daniel, meanwhile, pulls his car up outside a house and hesitates before knocking. Finally he does, and it’s answered by Kim. She’s clearly startled by his makeover and can’t help laughing, but soon sees how miserable he looks and pulls him close. Emotionally, he hugs her tight back, resting his head on her shoulder and trying not to cry. Although Kim’s blinking back tears herself, she’s also somewhat distracted by the chain of safety pins adorning his jacket. Punks are hazardous to hug.

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 16 - Smooching and Mooching

Episode sixteen of Freaks and Geeks (Smooching and Mooching), begins with Nick and Ken visiting a garage sale, whereick’s thrilled to find a pair of bongos to add to his drum set. They’ll be able to play Evil Ways! (Although it was made famous by rock band Santana in 1969, Evil Ways was actually first released as a jazz tune by Willie Bobo in 1967). When they get back to Nick, Nick warns that his dad’s kind of pissed both because of Nick’s terrible grades and his drumming while his dad was trying to watch 60 Minutes, but he’s totally blindsided to find his drum set entirely missing. Devastated, he confronts his dad, who readily admits to selling it; citing the previously-mentioned awful grades and also Nick’s drug usage. And, although Nick had bought it all himself, his father refuses to give him any money.

Nick declares that he’s leaving home and follows through, spending that night with Daniel. Unfortunately for him, he’s not invited for a second night. Kim’s family is a horror show, so she’s out too. Ken’s dad wouldn’t go for it. Lindsay tells Nick that her dad wouldn’t go for it either and considers the matter settled, but is surprised that evening when the doorbell rings during dinner . . . revealing Nick. He compliments the smell of her mom’s pot roast and Mrs. Weir invites him in for dinner. Lindsay’s clearly not so pleased, but he’s incredibly complimentary of everything, and, when he eventually mentions his housing situation, Mr. Weir invites him to stay the night. Nick’s overjoyed. The Weir parents are happy; Lindsay, substantially less so. At school, the geeks are discussing their favourite comedies. Sam thinks The Jerk is the funniest of all time (praised as indeed one of the funniest movies of all time, The Jerk starred Steve Martin in his first feature film role, with the film itself based on Martin’s wildly successful standup career. It was a hit, although Martin was disappointed that audiences tended to use what he felt was the film’s most touching scene to go buy more popcorn), while Neal’s pulling for Caddyshack. Sam’s just arguing that he thinks Caddyshack’s too uneven, likeStripes (both of which have been favorites of the geeks throughout the series so far, what with their love of Bill Murray movies), when he’s surprised to have his cheerleader crush Cindy turn up and ask to speak with him.

He goes with her, and she confides that she’d just broken up with her jock boyfriend, Todd, and wants to know if she can call Sam that evening to talk. Sure. He’s feeling a bit more hopeful about his chances, and, for once, things actually go his way. The very next day, Cindy pulls Bill aside in the hall to tell him that she and Sam had talked forever. She ‘like’ likes him, wants to date a nice guy for once, and asks Bill to find out if Sam likes her back. If he does, she instructs Bill to tell Sam to ask her to Mona’s party with him. Whew. Bill relays this all to Sam, who’s pretty nervous, but eventually works up the courage to officially ask Cindy out. When she says yes, he’s delighted, even more so when she gives him a kiss on the lips.

That evening, the Weir family’s quiet time is broken into by Nick’s playing of Tom Sawyer (released by Rush in 1981, Tom Sawyer is heavy on the drumming and is often called one of the greatest rock songs of all time) in a spare room. Mr. Weir goes to talk to him, asking why he’s not doing homework. Maybe he should get on that. Nick tries to tell him that, as a drummer, listening to music is his homework, but Mr. Weir’s not buying it. If Nick’s really a drummer, he says, his homework would be practicing his drumming ---- with sticks on a rock if he had to. When he was in high school, Mr. Weir continues, he’d worked in a department store learning about retail and had still gotten straight As, so Nick can definitely find time to do both. He’s a smart kid, he should push himself more. Nick’s touched that Mr. Weir thinks he’s smart, and Mr. Weir assures him that it’s true . . . then, when he turns to go, turns back again to tell Nick that the drummer he’s listening to is terrible. Nick’s shocked. It’s Neil Peart, the greatest drummer alive! Mr. Weir tells Nick to come with him, he’ll show Nick some real great drumming.

He plays Nick some Gene Krupa and Buddy Rich (both drumming pioneers and amazing talents, the two first played together for a ‘drum battle’ at Carnegie Hall in 1952. Interestingly, Buddy Rich never received any formal drum training. His father first noticed him drumming with spoons at the age of one, and by eleven he was performing as a bandleader) and is pleased when Nick’s bowled over by how amazing they are. He even talks about getting serious and taking lessons to improve his own technique. In the kitchen, Lindsay’s listening to the drum demo when Sam starts talking to her about his upcoming date. He’s pretty worried about kissing Cindy for real, not just a peck. What if he does it wrong? Lindsay tells him that he can’t kiss wrong, and, regarding general nervousness, he just needs to be his awesome self, be a gentleman, not be weird, and absolutely not smother her. Sensing some backstory, Sam asks if Nick had smothered her. Yep. Nick was so into her, Lindsay says, he’d made her want to move to another country. At this point they hear laughter from the other room and investigate it, finding Nick happily dancing with their laughing mother while their dad, also having a great time, gets down solo. Sam quietly tells Lindsay that he doesn’t think Nick’s in love with her, he’s in love with their parents.

At school lunch the next day, Neal, anticipating a glorious cheerleader-filled future (hopefully including his chief crush, Vicki), bugs Sam to get him and Bill invited to the party ---- which Sam is horrified to learn is a make out party. Bill, concerned about the grossness of kissing in general and French kissing in particular, isn’t so sure, but finally Sam says he’ll get them in. Later, after Neal gives him bottle-spinning lessons, Bill quietly asks Neal what will happen if the girls don’t want to kiss them. He doesn’t want to see disappointment on their faces if the bottle lands on him. That doesn’t matter, Neal tells him, what matters is if they look disappointed after the kiss. He personally intends to deliver the goods, and that means some French kissing is gonna go down. With the prospect of some serious saliva exchanging on the horizon, Bill starts feeling a bit sick.

When they get to the party, Cindy quickly draws Sam away, and Neal’s a trifle nervous. He tells Bill that he’s feeling like the main character at the beginning of Animal House, where the frat guys don’t think he’s cool enough to join up. (Based on actual frat experiences, 1978's Animal House starred quite a few now-well-known actors very early in their careers, including John Belushi, Karen Allen, and Kevin Bacon. Not unlike Freaks and Geeks!) Bill’s more positive, and eventually they join up for spin the bottle. The game doesn’t go quite as planned. Sam’s uncomfortable when two other boys get to kiss Cindy, Neal’s frustrated when all his spins land on Bill, and Bill’s increasingly unhappy when he and Vicki keep getting each other . . . and she makes it very clear just how repulsed she is by that. After insisting that Bill kiss her hand, cheek at most, Vicki’s extremely annoyed when they get each other for a third time and are ushered into a nearby closet for seven minutes in heaven. Nobody’s having a good time.

Back at the Weir house, Lindsay’s uncomfortable when her mom asks if ‘you kids’ (her and Nick) had a good day. She’s noncommittal, but Nick’s enthused about taking his first drum lesson and happily shows off for Mr. Weir, who, it turns out, has employed him part time as a stock boy so he can pay for lessons. When Nick leaves to help Mrs. Weir in the kitchen, Lindsay finally asks her father why he’s helping him so much. Not only is he helping Nick, he’s being kind and logical when helping Nick with his problems. When it comes to Lindsay, he just yells. Her dad tells Lindsay that he expects more from her, plus Nick’s father is a hard man. His dad was the same. Lindsay says that she knows the feeling. No, her dad corrects, trust him, she doesn’t.

After the game’s over, Sam plucks up his courage and asks Cindy if she wants to go into a bedroom and ‘talk or something’. They then spend an awkward minute or two before Sam puts on some music. It’s not the greatest seduction, but it’s something. Go get ‘er, Sam. Meanwhile, in the closet, Vicki tells Bill to stay away. He’s not going to touch her, and he definitely won’t kiss her. Ouch. Bill, fed up, finally tells her that she’s being a jerk, he’s not ecstatic to be in there either and kissing her is the last thing he wants to do at the moment. Luckily, Vicki’s not really a jerk at heart and, realizing she’s been acting badly, apologizes. Bill accepts. Then, after a little while, Bill asks if he can ask her a question: what’s it like being pretty? Vicki tells him that she doesn’t know, and Bill goes on to say that he thinks people treat you nicer when you’re pretty. As a not-so-pretty guy, they’re never very nice to him. Vicki counters that she doesn’t believe that’s entirely true. After all, whenever she looks at him, he looks like he’s having a good time. He’s always laughing. Curious, she asks what he’s usually laughing about, and laughs herself when Bill confesses that he watches movies in his head.

A visitor arrives at the Weir house: Nick’s father, who tells his son that it’s time to come home. Nick doesn’t put up a fight. While he’s getting his things together, Mr. Weir pulls his dad aside and tells him that he’s got quite a son. Sure, Nick’s drums must’ve been distracting, but teenagers will try all sorts of things, heck, he’d brought home dogs as a teen ---- and sometimes you’ve just got to let them be kids. Nick’s dad isn’t moved. He asks how old Sam is, and, when he hears fourteen, tells Mr. Weir to call him when Sam’s sixteen. He and Nick are leaving. When they do, Nick hangs back a moment to wholeheartedly thank the Weirs, now slightly more optimistic about going home. He didn’t think his dad would come looking for him. Mr. and Mrs. Weir tell him to stop by any time.

Later, Lindsay tells her dad that it was really nice what he’d done for Nick, and (reading between the lines) he replies that he’s sorry she doesn’t think he treats her right sometimes. She didn’t say that, Lindsay points out, she just wishes he could talk to her like he does to Nick. The difference between her and Nick, Mr. Weir admits, is that she’s his daughter, and every second she’s out of the house and he can’t see her or know what she’s doing is torture for him. Lindsay says that she can’t stay inside all the time, and he says he knows . . . then asks why not. They both laugh, and then hug it out.

Back in the closet, Bill describes funny scenes from The Jerk to Vicki. She’s amused and tells him she’ll have to see it. Then, when their laughter dies down, there’s a couple of awkward seconds before Vicki announces, ‘aw, what the hell’. Yes, she is planning to do what you’re thinking. After asking Bill to not tell anyone, she grabs him and kisses him soundly. While Bill’s seven minutes in heaven experience improves rapidly, Sam and Cindy are still looking at each other, waiting. Finally, Sam tentatively asks if he can kiss her. “Of course,” Cindy replies shyly, and they both lean in for a smooch. When they pull back, Sam smiles . . . and Cindy promptly pushes him down on the bed for some more intensive kissing, before heading over to the light switch. She flashes him a little grin and turns the lights out.

We finish with Neal, who’s knocking impatiently on the closet door, informing Bill that his seven minutes were up five minutes ago and Vicki that her nightmare’s over. They’re too busy making out to reply, and Neal gets increasingly annoyed. Looks like his Frenching agenda might need to be put on hold for the evening.

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 17 - The Little Thing

Episode seventeen of Freaks and Geeks, (The Little Things), starts off with Sam’s now-girlfriend Cindy having dinner with the Weirs. The Weir parents love her, especially when they learn that, as the president of the Young Republicans Club, she’s going to be introducing Vice President George H. W. Bush when he visits their school. As a Democrat, Lindsay’s not so thrilled. It takes some convincing by Mr. Rosso to make her agree to ask Bush the first question during student question period, but she finally does . . . just before secret service agents (led by Agent Meara) turn up and eject the counsellor from his own office in the name of cordoning off the area. Uh-oh. Lindsay heads off and discusses what question to pose with Kim, who suggests she break out the toughies and ask about something like the aliens at Roswell. Seems legit. (The actual craft crash [a nuclear test monitoring balloon, which the government said was a simple weather balloon to avoid public alarm] in Roswell happened back in 1947, but turned into a grand drama when UFOlogists took an interest in it in the late ‘70s. Much was speculated with the various ‘true’ stories becoming more and more wild, until even the US military’s publishing of the full details of their crashed balloon in the 1990s couldn’t quell the legend).

At lunch, Bill and Neal are left by themselves when Sam moves to the popular kids’ table with Cindy. They’re kinda envious. What could the popular kids be talking about? How ugly cheerleaders from a rival school are, it turns out, and Sam’s not having such a great time. He doesn’t fit in with the jock dynamics at all, and Cindy’s not quite as nice as he’d originally thought. Later, when he’s playing Mouse Trap with the geeks (which, in the late eighties/early nineties was adapted into a game show with a life-sized board and children as the ‘mice’), Sam brings up his unhappiness with Cindy, and how he really finds her kinda boring. All she ever wants to do is make out, her friends are weird to hang with, and every date they’ve been on has been all Cindy all the time. Neal’s still envious, but Bill suggests Sam ask her on a date that’s something he’s into. If she doesn’t like his stuff, maybe they should break up. Neal’s strongly opposed to this. Sam, he says, would be crazy to break up with her.

Ken’s girlfriend Amy is a little stressed, having just learned that the school band’s going to be playing Hail to the Chief to welcome the Vice President. There’s a lot of tuba, and she’s worried about flubbing it. She and Ken hang out after school and cuddle at her place, where, when Ken opens up about his childhood, Amy hesitantly confesses a secret of her own ---- she’d been born intersex. Her parents had made the decision to raise her as a girl and the doctors had removed her male parts. She’s happy to be a girl and feels that’s who she is, but it’s still a big part of her life. Ken awkwardly assures her that he’s fine with it. In reality? Not so fine. The next day, after a long stretch of weird tension, Amy finally asks him what’s going on. Although he admits to not being sure how to react, he assures her that he still likes her. It’s all over anyway, right? Amy tells him that he doesn’t understand, it’s not that easy and, no matter what the doctors did, there’s always going to be some part of her that’s . . . “A guy?” Ken fills in. She tells him to just forget it. Definite trouble in paradise.

Sam asks Cindy out on an official date, planned by him as his treat, and she happily agrees. Things are looking up. After asking the thoughts of the rest of the geeks, he decides to take her to go see The Jerk in theatre. (Previously mentioned as Sam’s favourite comedy in Smooching and Mooching, The Jerk is often called one of the funniest movies of all time). The guys also think that he needs to get her a nice gift, and he’s touched when his mom provides that. She hands him a necklace, telling him that her own mom had given it to her when she was about Cindy’s age. Both she and her late mom will/would be happy to see Sam give it to his first love. Aw.

While they’re hanging out, Ken confesses to Daniel and Nick that he’s thinking of breaking up with Amy. They’re surprised and confused, so he swears them to secrecy and tells them exactly why. Nick’s opinion is that it’s fine, and she’s all girl if she doesn’t currently have guy parts. Daniel says that he doesn’t think it works that way. He’s on team ‘dump her’. Ken explains that he doesn’t want to, he really likes her and might even love her, prompting Daniel to ask if that means he’s gay. Even though Daniel’s joking, Ken can’t get it out of his head. The next day, he goes in to have a chat with Mr. Rosso. After all, as he tells the counselor, he thought Mr. Rosso would be a good person to talk to, being gay himself.

Yeah, not so much. Mr. Rosso quickly points out that he is in fact straight, and suddenly Ken’s not so into opening up. Instead, he heads home and alternates putting on songs like David Bowie’s ‘Fashion’ (released in 1980, Fashion was a hit, although theories abounded that it was really about ‘fascism’) and ‘If My Friends Could See Me Now’ by Linda Clifford (released in 1978, this was a disco take on the classic Broadway tune) with metal, then gets out an issue of a Playboy-esque gent’s magazine and an issue of a similar publication with half-naked men. Time to really figure things out.

Meanwhile, Lindsay finds Mr. Rosso in the parking lot. He’s angry at having locked his keys in his car, and additionally angry when he hands her a piece of paper, informing her that Bush’s people have rejected her question. Finding it ‘too sophisticated’, they’d written one for her instead: ‘What is your favourite place to eat in the state of Michigan?’. Lindsay asks what ‘too sophisticated’ means, and Mr. Rosso irritably tells her that it means ‘nice try, but this is a glorified photo opportunity’. Although he tries to keep it positive, he ends up joining Lindsay in her anger and ranting about how you just can’t win with these people, all his protesting in the sixties in Berkley had accomplished was sixteen scars on his head from a tear-gas canister, and now all his compatriots are getting rich on Wall Street while he can’t get his keys out of his mother’s car. Ouch. He doesn’t think there’s anything they can do to fight back.

Sitting in the theatre before the movie starts, Sam’s uncomfortably listening to Cindy talk about how she was just explaining to ex-boyfriend (and Democrat) Todd that Republicans aren’t selfish, they just don’t believe that poor people should get handouts. They should get jobs ---- handouts just make them lazy! She asks Sam if he agrees. He hesitantly does, then segues into giving her the necklace. At first she’s excited by the idea of a gift, but, when she sees it and hears that Sam has no idea what its price might be, she’s not so jazzed. While she thanks him, she makes an excuse not to wear it. Things don’t improve during the movie. Sam and the rest of the theatre laugh hysterically, but Cindy’s clearly bored and wishing she were elsewhere. She eventually tells Sam that she doesn’t think it’s funny. Not only that, she thinks it’s stupid. With that announcement, Sam’s quickly not having fun either. He’s having even less fun a couple of minutes later, which is when Cindy attempts to liven things up by giving him a hickey.

Lindsay gripes about the censorship to her parents, both of whom annoy her by taking Bush’s side. Adding to the situation, Mr. Weir tells her that, when she asks her question, she should mention his store beforehand for the publicity. Lindsay’s against it and tries to get her mom to back her up, but Mrs. Weir backs up her hubby instead and additionally suggests that Lindsay wear one of the store’s new t-shirts. Hm. She escapes after dinner to go hang with the freaks, but things get weird there too when Ken and Amy turn up and Daniel greets them with ‘hey, guys’. Ken quickly asks him what that’s supposed to mean, and Daniel defends himself, but Ken’s having none of it and delivers a swift punch to the face. Amy soon figures out what’s going on and runs off, horrified that Ken had told. Although Ken follows her and begs to explain, she’s too upset, and he’s forced to give it up. At least one fracture’s healed on his walk home, when Ken’s pulled up next to by Daniel and decides to accept the ride offer/olive branch. They’re bros again.

When Lindsay gets home, she’s surprised to find a glum Sam sitting on the couch. They share their respective weird nights, her the seemingly-baffling fistfight, him about Cindy not liking The Jerk. What’s wrong with him, Sam wonders, she’s so pretty! Why doesn’t he like her? Well, Lindsay says, just because a girl’s pretty, that doesn’t mean she’s right for him. And, if it doesn’t feel right, he can always break up with her. He can’t, Sam counters, people will think he’s crazy ---- they can’t believe she’s going out with him in the first place. Lindsay replies that he can’t just keep dating someone if he doesn’t like them, and he takes it to heart. At school the next day, he arrives in a hickey-hiding turtleneck and prepared to break things off. Bill’s sympathetic, but Neal won’t stop telling him what a huge mistake he’s making and how much he’ll end up regretting it. After a while, Sam can’t take it anymore and leaves the group.

Lindsay arrives at school, soon running into Amy and asking if she’s okay. What’s going on? Although Amy’s sure that Ken must’ve told her, Lindsay insists that she doesn’t know. Nobody will tell her anything. She asks if Amy wants to talk about it, but Amy tells her not to worry, she’ll see Lindsay later. Ken, meanwhile, meets up with Sam in the bathroom, where they find themselves both standing morosely at the sink and share their respective pains. Sam confesses that he’s going to break up with Cindy, cuing Ken to ask why. She’s hot! Sam delivers a withering glare and explains that they’re just very different people. He knows how that goes, Ken sympathizes, he’s been thinking he has to break up with his girlfriend too. It’s complicated. Mind you, when Sam talks about how he and Cindy don’t have anything in common ---- she thought The Jerk was stupid and they never really have any fun together ---- Ken’s shocked and talks about how his girlfriend loved The Jerk and how she’s pretty cool when it comes to stuff like that. Sam, confused, asks him what the problem is. Ken replies that he doesn’t know. Hm.

When Cindy sees Sam, she’s offended right off the bat that he’s hiding her hickey. Is he ashamed or something? Sam points out that he’d gotten her a necklace that she’s never worn, and she retorts that it’s ugly. Sam argues that it’s an heirloom. She tells him not to start a fight (after all, she has to go introduce Bush) but Sam won’t back down and informs her that he doesn’t want to be her boyfriend anymore. Can they just go back to being friends? Cindy’s first reaction is to tell him that he can’t break up with her, he’s supposed to be nice! It’s the only reason she’s going out with him in the first place! Sam replies that he is nice, he’s just not having any fun, then asks if she is. Well, no. While she admits that she isn’t, she follows by throwing the necklace at him and stalking off. He’s quickly joined by Bill and Neal, who’d seen everything. Even Neal’s supportive of Sam’s choice, and the geeks are reunited.

Ken finds the band and, locating Amy, apologizes. He doesn’t care, he says, and he’s so sorry. After a moment she smiles and hugs him. Even though she accidentally clonks him with her tuba, they still share a sweet kiss before she has to go. They’re going to be okay. Mr. Rosso, on the other hand, not so much. He tries to head into the cafeteria to watch Bush, but Agent Meara pulls him aside and asks about his involvement with the ‘Taft Students Alliance For A New America’. Yep, not only has he been red flagged as a security risk and barred from attending the assembly, he’s now going to be escorted to a holding area. Ouch. On their way there they run into the Weirs, and Mr. Rosso tells Lindsay not to worry about his situation. Just make the school proud.

Upon hearing that he’s a guidance counselor, Agent Meara sits down with Mr. Rosso and complains about the hardships of his job. In fact, he doesn’t even think it’s necessary . . . nobody wants to assassinate the Vice President. When Mr. Rosso offers to give him a test to tell what sort of job he’s best suited for, he happily accepts. Meanwhile, in the cafeteria, a tearful Cindy announces the Vice President and the school band starts up, with Amy cheered on by an enthusiastic Ken. Aw. Finally, Lindsay’s up. She shows off her shirt and name-drops her dad’s store as instructed, then goes for it and asks her question: Why did Bush’s staff reject her question? Is Bush afraid of an open discourse with the students? Although Mr. Weir’s face falls, the freaks are impressed. And, listening on loudspeaker from his office, Mr. Rosso smiles.

Freaks and Geeks: Episode 18 - Discos and Dragons

The finale of Freaks and Geeks, (Discos and Dragons), kicks off with Daniel and Ken (trailed by Lindsay and Kim) turning up at the local discotheque purely to shout ‘disco sucks!’. When they do, they’re shocked to discover Nick. Yep, he’s there, he’s got his disco on, and he’s dancing with a girl. This turns out to be his new girlfriend, Sara, who later encourages Daniel and Ken to come by the discotheque Friday. Nick will be entering a dance contest! The guys aren’t ready to buy a shiny shirt just yet, and, watching the new couple, Kim tells Lindsay that it’s sad ---- Nick’s probably just trying to make Lindsay jealous.

After getting knocked into by jocks, Sam amps up his complaining about being dubbed a ‘geek’. They’re not geeks, they’re just regular guys. As if on cue, Harris appears, brandishing the new Dungeons & Dragons handbook: ‘Deities & Demigods’ (released in 1980, its name was later changed to Legends & Lore in 1985 to avoid conflict with fundamentalist Christian groups), and talking about how much fun they’ll be having Friday night. Okay, maybe they are a little geeky. Things improve when they assemble at the A/V unit, where the teacher, Mr. Fleck, assures the geeks that they’ll triumph over the jocks in the long run. Not only that, he’s also brought the glory of a copy of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which he’d borrowed from another A/V group in return for a copy of Hemo the Magnificent. The guys are overjoyed ... except for Sam. He’d rather not wait for his life to improve, and he wants to ditch his geek label ASAP.

Daniel, meanwhile, is counting on a guy named Dave to help him cheat his way through a crucial test. He’s horrified to learn that Dave had broken his arm that morning. Yeah, he won’t be helping out. Desperate, Daniel leaves class, and he’s just about to pull a fire alarm when he’s caught by Mr. Rosso. Oops. Mr. Rosso asks if he feels cool, like the Fonz or something. Well, his coolness will be taking a hit. Mr. Rosso’s assigning him to A/V for the rest of the school year. Not only does this distress Daniel, it’s equally protested by the geeks, who are sure that Daniel’s presence will bring down their only happy place in school. Although Sam defends him, the other geeks agree to try to rid themselves of the interloper by making Daniel show movies every day.

In Lindsay’s class, the teacher announces that he’s got some news that’ll make one student very happy: every year, the University of Michigan picks from the top 1% of students in the state to take part in an academic summit ... and Lindsay’s one of the chosen few. She’ll be spending two weeks on the university’s campus doing intensive academic things with the best and brightest students around. While expected to be delighted, Lindsay’s not so thrilled. She visits Mr. Rosso after class, who sympathizes and loans her his American Beauty album. (Released in 1970 by the Grateful Dead and often referred to as one of the greatest albums of all time, the title text is an ambigram that can also be read as American Reality). It, he says, had really helped him in his times of college stress. This rave review is supported by a friendly couple in the cafeteria, who spot the album at lunch and asks Lindsay if she’s a fellow ‘Deadhead’. When they learn she’ll be hearing the Dead for the first time, the couple enthuses about how wonderful American Beautyis and how much Lindsay will love it. She smiles.

Sara not only persists in trying to get Ken into disco, she won’t stop calling him ‘Kenny’. He’s not impressed. When she leaves, Ken tells Nick that he gives up, “When does Allen Funt come boogying out?” (Allen Funt hosted the prank show Candid Camera from its first appearance in 1948 all the way up to 1992, when his son Peter stepped into his shoes). Nick, however, doesn’t seem to be kidding. He passionately defends not only Sara, but disco itself, comparing it to Zeppelin and telling Ken that Hot Number by Foxy really rocks. Ken’s pretty sure it doesn’t rock, and he and Nick bicker until Ken finally tells him flat-out that he’s only dating Sara to make Lindsay jealous and it’s not working. “Screw you,” Nick retorts, leaving. When Lindsay joins him shortly afterward, Ken asks her to please start going out with Nick again. He can’t take much more.

Alone in her room, Lindsay listens to American Beauty and loves it, happily dancing and swaying unselfconsciously to the music. Things are finally looking up, but they take a downturn at dinner, when she casually tells her parents that she’s not sure if she wants to attend the summit. Yikes. A moment ago they had been enthusing about how wonderful her acceptance had been, and now her father tells Lindsay sternly that it’s not open for debate ---- she’s not going to blow this. She protests that she hadn’t said that she wasn’t going to go. Can’t they have a normal discussion? Well, when it comes to something like this, her father replies, "No." Lindsay doesn’t have a reply for that, but, the next day, has plenty to say to the Deadhead couple. They tell her all about traveling around from concert to concert and how they’re like nothing else, Dead concerts are joyful experiences free from judgement where everybody simply has a great time together and are able to feel connected and free. Once school’s out, they’ll be spending a week and a half following the Dead and taking in nine shows. Lindsay’s intrigued.

Next, in Lindsay, Kim, and Nick’s class, Daniel is called in to set up a movie. He simply can’t seem to do it right, the teacher makes fun of him the whole time, and he ends up having to get help from another student. Not a good day. Later, he rants about it to Kim, but she clearly considers being stuck in the A/V unit his own fault. He complains that he’s always listening to her ‘stupid problems,’ so she could be more sympathetic. Yeah, that doesn’t help. She leaves and meets up with Lindsay, who commences griping about the summit. Kim’s not breaking out sympathy cards for Lindsay either. At least, she says, Lindsay gets to get out of town. Lindsay replies that it’s summer vacation, Kim can go out of town, too. She can go wherever she wants. Kim points out that she can’t: One, she doesn’t have any money and two, Daniel wouldn’t want to. When Lindsay suggests that she go without him, Kim tells her that it’s easy for her to say. She gets to leave. Kim doesn’t.

Nick practices his disco dancing with Sara, but can’t refrain from also bringing up the subject of Lindsay. He swears that he doesn’t still like her when the question’s raised, then kisses Sara. Aw. Sara confesses that she’s had a crush on him since sixth grade and can’t believe that he finally likes her back. Double aw, and onward to the discotheque. While they’re gearing up for the contest, Ken drags Lindsay by to inform Nick that she’ll never date him, hopefully causing him to dump Sara and disco as a package deal and return to his previous self. Unfortunately for Ken, the DJ both recognizes and mocks him, soon progressing from mocking Ken to mocking rock and roll in general. Ken shoots back that disco sucks, to which the DJ replies that rock and roll sucks, then brings up The Rolling Stones’ new song ‘Miss You’. It’s disco, he declares, even the Stones know it. (This is actually true. While all agree it was somewhat influenced by disco, Keith Richards went so far as to say that 1978's 'Miss You was calculated to be a ‘damn good disco record.’) Things deteriorate from there. Ken’s maintaining that disco’s dead when he finds himself escorted out by security, all to the strains of Gloria Gaynor’s 1978 disco anthem ‘I Will Survive,’ which the DJ throws on to illustrate his point.

In the A/V room, the geeks discuss the upcoming D&D game, talking about how great it’ll be and how much fun they’ll have. Daniel not only ends up getting into the conversation, he actually accepts Harris’s invite to come play ---- although he gloomily warns that he’ll probably suck. With Daniel going, Sam’s back in too. They all get set up that evening, complete with copious amounts of salty snacks and cans of Diet Faygo, and the geeks help Daniel to set up a character and get started. He gets a dwarf. He’s not happy, but the geeks eventually convince him of the merits of the dwarf class. They are distinctly less supportive of his decision to name it ‘Carlos’.

Nick follows Ken out just to sarcastically thank him for embarrassing him, and Ken shouts back to give him a call when Nick gets over his ‘Saturday Night Fever.’ Things aren’t going so well. Outside, the bouncer confides that he’s in total agreement with Ken: rock and roll rules, disco sucks, and they’re actually closing the discotheque next week and bringing in Foxy Boxing. (‘Foxy Boxing’ is exactly what it sounds like, scantily-clad women boxing, or at least pretending to). Inside, Nick gripes about Ken, asking why he has to give him such a hard time. Lindsay tells him that Ken’s just confused ---- he thinks that Nick’s doing all this to get Lindsay back. Nick strongly denies it, he’s with Sara now and he’s not an idiot, Lindsay had told him to move on and he had. She knows, Lindsay assures him, and she thinks it’s great. She’s further impressed to hear that Nick’s stopped smoking pot entirely and congratulates him, adding that he seems like he’s having way more fun with Sara than he’d ever had with her. Nick agrees that he is, and, after wishing him good luck with the contest, Lindsay makes her excuses and heads out. As she does, Nick’s smile dies. He gazes after her longingly, torn between pursuing her and taking his place in the competition.

Everyone has a great time at D&D and Daniel does really well. At the end of the game, the geeks give him a hand and he talks about how much fun it was. Do they all want to meet back up and have another go the next night? Sure, they’re in. When he heads off to get another drink, they talk about how cool he is. Bill wonders if his wanting to play with them again means he’s turning into a geek or they’re turning into cool guys. They decide to go with ‘cool guys’. Seems legit.

When Sara pulls him toward the dance floor, Nick goes along. He gets down like a champ, and the audience applauds his sweet moves. Heck, maybe Sara’s right, and he was born to boogie. He leaves the floor to enthusiastic hugs, as Sara tells him how well he did. He’s going to win for sure! However, the next contestant mixes his disco dancing with expertly-performed magic tricks, impressing everyone (including Sara), and Nick’s good mood takes a hit. Winning may not be on the horizon.

Saying farewell to Lindsay at the bus station, her parents ask if she’s sure she’d rather not have them drive her up to the university. No, she says, she’d rather take the bus in order to really get her head straight before she arrives. They understand. Even though she’ll only be gone for a couple of weeks, it’s an emotional goodbye on all sides. Her parents tell her how proud they are and encourage her to kick butt at the summit, Sam admits that he’ll miss her, and even Neal and Bill turn up to see her off. Lindsay kisses them all and waves as the bus pulls away . . . but only stays on it for a little while, soon getting off by a parking lot where the Deadhead couple have parked their travel van. She’s cheerfully greeted both by them and by a delighted Kim, who helps Lindsay strip off her more professional jacket in favor of her usual army trench before they all happily pile into the van. With clapping and cheers, the four teens start off on their concert tour, heading in the opposite direction of the bus.

Lindsay and Kim end up sitting down to dinner, where Kim cries and asks Lindsay’s dad why men are such pigs. He’s at a loss. Right after Sam runs off to vomit after overeating, the phone rings ---- and it’s Kim’s mom, who shrieks at Lindsay’s mom. Confused, she promptly pulls Lindsay aside and says that she doesn’t think Kim’s very nice. As Lindsay tries to explain the situation, Kim shows up and is polite, asking if they would mind if she stayed a little longer. Lindsay’s mom tells her she can, and then asks Lindsay if maybe Kim would appreciate some ice cream. Yes, it turns out. They gather in the living room to watch TV as Kim regales them with the tale of how her brother was extremely drunk one night and police beat him with billy clubs and now he probably has brain damage. The Weirs are horrified.

At this point, Lindsay opens the front door to find Nick, who says that Daniel wants to talk to Kim. Kim refuses loudly and with insults and when the Weir parents say that maybe she should try telling him how she feels, Kim declares that they can bite her and storms off down the hall . . . into Sam’s room, who is most unimpressed. He commands her to get out and describes the things she and Karen have done to him, but Kim rants that Karen is no friend of hers and details the various ways she’s going to mangle Karen the next day.

In the kitchen, Mrs. Weir is doing dishes when Daniel walks in, scaring her. Lindsay quickly introduces him and things are relatively calm until Kim turns up. She yells at Daniel and he asks why ‘she has to be such a bitch.’ Wrong thing to say. Kim screams and smacks him around while Daniel protests that nothing happened and he loves her, repeating it until she calms down and everyone leaves to give them some privacy. After a brief break from the drama (and after Nick is introduced to the Parents Weir), the sound of Kim giggling is heard and Lindsay’s mother opens the kitchen door, saying that everyone deserves to see a happy ending. A happy ending indeed, as they catch Daniel and Kim either having sex or some exceptionally vigorous dry humping. Awkward. Lindsay okays Kim leaving her Gremlin outside when the freaks take off, and Kim says that maybe they can hang out when she returns for it. After the door’s closed Lindsay quickly runs off to do homework, leaving her parents dismayed.

At school the next day Sam and Neal make up, and, shortly afterwards, Sam hands his essay to the teacher . . . who declares that he’ll post it on Sam’s locker. They round the corner to find the word SLUT spray painted in huge red letters on Karen’s locker, as Karen stares in horror. The teacher declares that he’s giving up and throws Sam’s essay away. Karen threateningly asks Sam if he’d done it and he’s spluttering when Kim steps up and tells Karen that it was her. Over Karen’s protests, Kim informs her of her impending pulverization, then commands her to get out. After Karen does, Sam hesitatingly thanks Kim. “No problem, dude,” Kim replies. Sam smiles.

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About the Creator

Frank White

New Yorker in his forties. His counsel is sought by many, offered to few. Traveled the world in search of answers, but found more questions.

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