'Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets:' A Review

I'll start off this review by saying one thing; I love sci-fi. I'm not the type of guy to do cosplay, buy action figures, or obsess over the intricacies of the power struggle between the Sith and the Jedi, but if you tell me about a movie, set in space, featuring aliens, or just some other really weird spacey stuff, then I'm all over it. So when the trailer for Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets hit, I was instantly sold on it. The story appeared as far out there as you could possibly go, it looked colourful, ridiculous, and a hell of a lot of fun. So it was with some delight that last night I finally got the chance to watch this and it saddens me to report that this film was just awful. I mean, just truly awful.

French director, Luc Besson, perhaps best known for his other works such as The Fifth Element, and Leon, was the one to present this wondrous flick to the masses, and the trailer hinted at all the staples of what Besson had brought us before — A crazy world filled with a diverse cast of characters, both alien and human, under threat by a mysterious and unknown force to be stopped by some unexpected heroes. Yet, from the offset, it was clear this film was not to be what it was sold to be.

Adapted from French comic series Valerian and Laureline this could have had the potential to ignite some other form of comic book movie series. The world presented was rich in beauty and diversity, yet the film failed to fully realise that potential in its first outing, probably due to a poor script and really poor casting. Dane Dehaan in the title role of Valerian has about as much charisma as a soggy bit of toilet paper, yet for some reason still finds it easy to find work. He was excellent in the unexpected hit, Chronicle, yet it's off the back of that success he's still finding work, yet consistently fails to deliver anything worth remembering. Considering his lead role in A Cure for Wellness, this is yet another example that perhaps Dane's turn in Chronicle cemented his position as a one-hit-wonder when it comes to acting.

Speaking of terrible acting, was Cara Delevingne ever good in any role she's played? Of course, this can be chalked up to her still being new to acting in general, having only had her first acting role in 2012, yet the fact she was cast as a supporting role in such a big-budget film is truly startling. So wooden, so utterly bland in every way, had they decided to just shave off her weird eyebrows and have them take her place in the film, I suspect this would have been more entertaining than she ever could have hoped to be.

Perhaps the film's biggest failure is its inconsistency. So unashamedly beautiful and imaginative is the setting, that this only serves to point out, in stark contrast, everything else that's bad with the film. Imagine a page in the Where's Wally books. The pictures are usually dense in a mixture of colours and people, usually mixing together some colours that may also represent Wally to confuse you and help him blend into the picture. Well imagine something like that, but imagine Wally was still in the picture, with his glasses and his red and white jumper and hat, then imagine everything else around him was just a white page. The acting, and the script in this movie are the boring white page, and the colours and CG done to perfection are Wally. Sure, it's great to look at, but it's all pretty boring when there's nothing else to truly keep your focus, so you end up throwing the book in the bin.

A disappointment to say the least, but my hope is that if the rumoured sequel does happen, then they are able to fix some of the most glaring problems with the first outing to make the sequel something truly spectacular, and the best start to that would be to recast the roles of Valerian and Laureline.

Score: 3/10