Different people worry about different things. Families, careers, life goals, yada yada. Occasionally we worry about “trivial” things, too. Why didn’t Obi-Wan remember R2-D2 in A New Hope? Exactly how long did Luke spend training on Dagobah in Empire Strikes Back? There’s lots of things to consider when it comes to Star Wars, and consider them, I do.
I don’t just ponder plot holes, though, no Sir. I’m a guy who’ll sit and dwell (at times) on such matters as, why did Padme totally give Anakin a free pass after he admitted to the slaughter of Sand People, and later Jedi younglings?
Or even on things which didn’t occur in the films, like what would C-3PO do if he wasn’t a droid slave?
Do droids ever get married?
Can droids ever retire and just while away their final days fishing? Why would they bother to go fishing?
Could they use fish oil as a lubricant? (For their joints, you dirty...!)
How would non-droids feel hanging around droids that stank to high Heaven of fish oil? Then again, what if everybody else stinks too? There’s not much water on Tatooine. Has Luke ever even had a shower in his entire life?
But one character I continue to dwell on (as is evidenced here and here) is Darth Vader. Not Anakin so much, but him in his Vader incarnation. He’s a tragic figure, the big man in black. But with all the guilt on his conscious and blood on his gloves, there’s no telling how much good a little vacation would do for his spirits. So I have imagined—if Vader lived on Earth, where exactly would he go on vacation?
And my answer, invariably, is always: Turkey!
Turkey is a perfect fit for the Dark Lord of the Sith. It has an ancient history of conflict, which Sith Lords can relate to. It is rife with fortresses and castles and relics from the Byzantine Empire. From the dusty days of the vast-ranging Ottoman Empire, the Sultan’s palace still stands on Seraglio Point in Istanbul, now a museum home for bejeweled swords, a solid gold throne, and the world’s fourth largest diamond. Everything about its past speaks to glory…majestic-to-menacing glory, much like Vader’s own legend. And did I mention the empires? Sith Lords like empires.
With its entire Western border riding the sandy Aegean and Mediterranean coastlines, Turkey hosts ancient sites visited (or rather formerly visited) by thousands of tourists every year. However due to strife and conflict in the region, many travelers have postponed their trips indefinitely—making it the perfect time and the perfect place for a person of Vader’s stature to come.
He wouldn’t be put off by threats of terrorism. As a galactic villain himself, Vader would in all likelihood just ignore such happenings. Certainly the citizens themselves have little choice but to continue their daily affairs despite the ever-looming potential for impending danger. Indeed they go about their lives as best they can, hoping for tourists bold enough to take the travel warnings with a grain of salt.
I can’t picture Vader giving much heed to any Imperial travel bans or warnings. If he wanted to unwind and “de-Sith” a little, he’d press forward. And so without further ado below is my interpretation of Vader on Vacation, a short n' sweet parody skit filmed, yes, in Turkey and made for my new blog ScumHive.com.
If you've always been curious about Turkey but never had a chance to visit, here's a virtual tour of the ruins of ancient Ephesus!
Enjoy, and May the Force Be With You!