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Who's Tougher Than Samuel L Jackson?

And you will know his motherf*ckin' name is The Lord when he lays his motherf*ckin' vengeance upon thee!

By Anthony GramugliaPublished 7 years ago 10 min read
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Samuel L Jackson has made a career being an absolute badass who can tough it out with the best of them. This guy shows up, you know that everyone else around him is going to have to live up to his standard. He remains king of the mountain–the most bad-ass mother-f***er around.

But, to quote Star Wars Episode I, "There's always a bigger fish."

There are those who Samuel L Jackson cannot overcome. There are those stronger–more powerful–and just more badass than him. Or, at the very least, the characters he plays in the movies.

Samuel L Jackson, over the course of his various film roles, has played some badass characters, but after a career spanning nearly 40 years, he's met his match quite a few times...

King Kong (Kong: Skull Island)

If you've come this far in the article, I assume you don't care all that much about spoilers.

In Kong: Skull Island, Samuel L. Jackson hunts Kong down like Captain Ahab against Moby Dick. King Kong is Jackson's White Whale.

But this isn't just normal King Kong. This is a Godzilla-sized King Kong. The original King Kong was taken down by planes. This Kong could squash normal Kong under his foot. That's how massive this guy is.

So Samuel L. Jackson may have been able to take down old-school Kong, given his badass performance here. He fights hard, but, in the end, it isn't enough. Kong crushes him almost like an afterthought.

Oh, and since we know that Kong will be fighting Godzilla in a few years in that Kong vs Godzilla remake, we can assume that Jackson probably can't stand up against the King of the Monsters, either, if the Eighth Wonder of the World took him down.

Winner: Kong (and Godzilla, eventually).

Criminals (Pulp Fiction)

Samuel L. Jackson's most badass role remains that of Jules Winnfield in Quentin Tarantino's Pulp Fiction. In it, he proves to be one of the most intimidating and cool characters in film history.

There is the iconic scene where both he and Travolta are shot at in a stand-off, and walk away...unscathed. Alive. Throughout the film, Jules is shot at, in gun fights, and all sorts of dark situations–yet he walks away untouched.

His partner, played by John Travolta, is less fortunate, but Jackson defies the odds, and walks away alright.

Even in the Mexican Standoff at the end, Jackson displays his signature badassery by letting himself get robbed so he can walk away with the greater prize: Marsellus's briefcase.

Winner: Jackson.

Joe Pesci (Goodfellas)

Another early entry in Samuel L. Jackson's filmography, in the mafia classic Goodfellas, Jackson plays Stacks, a low-ranking member of the mafia who ends up being whacked by Joe Pesci. Of course, Pesci isn't going to attack Jackson head on. No, he just shoots him in the back of the head while Jackson is putting on shoes.

So this one is a tough call. On one hand, we're not going to act like Joe Pesci really won this fight, considering he killed Jackson in a moment of vulnerability.

So we'll chalk this up to Jackson just not being aware at the moment.

Winner: Joe Pesci's bullets.

Velociraptors (Jurassic Park)

It's easy to forget that Samuel L. Jackson was in Jurassic Park. He played the computer technician John Arnolds. He's one of maybe five staff members we see throughout the film.

This remains one of the few movies where Jackson is the least bad-ass character on-screen. This is indicative when his character is killed–off-screen, in fact–by the velociraptors.

It is worth noting, of course, that said velociraptors are among the most dangerous, intelligent enemies in the entire series...poor Samuel L. Jackson never stood a chance.

Winner: Velociraptors.

Terrorists (Die Hard With a Vengeance)

Die Hard With a Vengeance may not be the best Die Hard film, but it has one of the most badass characters in it: Zeus, played by Samuel L. Jackson. This time, he aligns with Bruce Willis to stop terrorists, led by Uncle Scar himself, Jeremy Irons.

In this film, Jackson stands next to John McClain, notoriously one of the hardest guys to kill. He deals with bombs blowing up, guns being fired at him... but what does Jackson do? As Zeus, he helps McClain safely dispose of bombs, infiltrate terrorist lares, and even tries to patch up McClain's failing marriage.

Well, tries. At least he helps McClain kill Uncle Scar. That's what you get for killing Mufasa, you bastard.

Winner: John McClain's failing marriage (and Jackson).

Mutated Sharks (Deep Blue Sea)

Normal sharks? Not a big deal. A normal shark can be small enough to fit in the palm of your hand. Samuel L. Jackson can crush those things in his fists. They're not so tough.

But mutated sharks? Super intelligent, mutated sharks? We might have a problem now.

Deep Blue Sea plays with your expectations. You expect Jackson will be alright throughout the film. When he gives his epic speech in the middle of the movie, you rear yourself up for some epic Independence Day sort of stuff. The pre-ass kicking speech that precedes every bad-ass sci-fi fighting fest started and...

The shark eats Jackson mid-sentence.

If not for this one scene, you probably wouldn't even remember this movie.

Winner: The element of surprise (also, sharks).

Snakes (Snakes on a Plane)

"I've had it with these motherf***ing snakes on this motherf***ing plane!"

That's probably all of this film that you've seen.

But let me assure you that Jackson doesn't let those snakes win. The whole film, he's surrounded by snakes that can kill you with a single bite, but Jackson doesn't seem to care. If anything, he takes charge, taking these bastards out with sheer ass-kicking powers.

Sharks may be tougher than Jackson, but snakes? Nope!

Winner: Jackson.

God (Def by Temptation)

Never heard of this Troma Entertainment gem? Troma Entertainment is the king of schlocky, low-budget filmmaking, and a great starting point for many young actors and writers' careers. Jackson is no exception.

In this film, Jackson plays the main character's father who appears to our hero in a dream. But it turns out that Jackson is really a grotesque demon... who is then exorcised by the heroes of the film.

So yes, in case you had any doubts, God is in fact tougher than Jackson.

Winner: God.

Drug Lords (Shaft)

This remake/sequel to the classic 70s film Shaft features Samuel L Jackson as John Shaft, nephew of the original Shaft. In this bad-ass thriller, Shaft pursues a murderer, played by Christian Bale, and ends up having to fight Dominican drug lords. As you do.

Of course, nothing can keep Shaft from his man. He is both able to outgun his opposition, and capture his man. In the end, he goes off to beat up an abusive boyfriend.

So yeah, if you had any doubts...Jackson is unstoppable as Shaft.

Winner: Jackson.

Belgium (The Legend of Tarzan)

When you put Samuel L. Jackson and Tarzan in a movie, you know that, presumably, your film is going to explode with awesomeness. In this film, Jackson plays George Washington Williams, a real person.

In the film, Williams is a Civil War veteran who, after kicking the Confederacy's ass, decided to help Tarzan go on a journey to the Congo to stop Belgium from taking African slaves, blood diamonds, and the like.

Jackson, he kicks ass. A lot of ass. He machine guns down a boat! Guy hates slavery so much, he fought against two countries' slave trades. And took them down! Jackson kicks all kinds of ass in this film.

And he does this in the jungle–full of animals of all sorts. There are apes in this film who beat Tarzan down, but Jackson is there throughout the entire film to help. The guy is out of his element, and thrives just as well as Tarzan, a man who had lived in the Congo with apes.

Winner: Jackson.

Jango Fett, The Emperor, and Darth Vader (Star Wars)

Mace Windu, Jedi Master, is arguably second to Yoda in the Jedi Council, and the only Jedi with a purple lightsaber with the words "Badass Motherf***er" written on it. As Jackson appeared over the course of three prequel films as Windu, it seems fair to go through the films, speeding through them, to see who he beats.

In the first film, he opposes Qui-Gon Jin's request to train Anakin Skywalker. While he manages to stop Qui-Gon by stating that Anakin is too old at nine to be a Jedi, Yoda goes over his head, and just says "Nah, Obi-Wan, train Anakin."

Winner: Obi-Wan guilting Yoda.

While Episode II is regarded as a pretty lame movie (the worst Star Wars films, in my opinion), Jackson is at his most badass here. Windu dives into an armada of droid soldiers, but, as these guys are weak enough to be beaten in mass by Jar-Jar Binks, I don't think that counts as a victory. What does, though, is when he cuts Jango Fett's head off with one sweep of the lightsaber! This is a guy that Obi-Wan had trouble dealing with, so that's one incredible accomplishment.

Winner: Jackson.

But then comes Episode III. On one hand, Jackson manages to subdue Palpatine, who is a Sith Lord and the biggest bad in the entire series. On the other hand, once he has Palpatine at his mercy, it's Anakin Skywalker who ends up maiming Windu–weakening him so that Palpatine can jump up and force lightning Windu out a window!

If Jackson had to do, I suppose being cut up it's fair that it took getting his disarmed (literally), then force lightninged out a window. It took two Siths and gravity to take this tough motherf***er down.

Winner: UNLIMITED POOWWAAAAAHHHH!

Nazis, Aliens, and Ultron (The Marvel Cinematic Universe)

Perhaps Jackson's most iconic role as of now, Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD, is the most badass character in a universe of badassery. In a world with Thor, Hulk, and Iron Man, somehow a man in his sixties with an eye missing can stand toe-to-toe with them.

There is nothing that can stop Nick Fury. Alien invasions? He's got that down pat. Asgardians? He can lock those guys up. Nazi conspiracies? He laughs at your face. Killer death-robots? He will stab you in the face with a chunk of metal.

Now, granted, Nick Fury is a better leader than a hand-to-hand fighter, but, when push comes to shove, he can deal with it. Take Captain America: The Winter Soldier. The guy manages to single-handedly take down legions of HYDRA soldiers. Then, the Winter Soldier, a guy who is just as powerful as Captain America, starts hunting him down. What does Nick Fury do? He lets himself get shot, and then fakes his death by using drugs designed to subdue the Hulk! He manages to fool an organization with access to the world's intelligence system (HYDRA)... and take them out from within by shooting their leader in the chest while dismantling both SHIELD and HYDRA in the process (granted, he didn't want to destroy SHIELD, but he did it all the same).

We're talking about a guy who can stand up to Ultron–a guy so powerful he could take on the whole Avengers on his own–and stand his own. Granted, he played a smaller role in that battle, but Fury played an important role in saving the people of Sakovia... well, at least most of them.

Time will tell what else Nick Fury will deal with. After all, Thanos is coming. And rumors have it that Fury is dealing with Red Skull in the background of Marvel's Phase 3. So one thing is for certain: Jackson isn't done being a tough motherf***er.

Winner: Jackson!

Stairs (Unbreakable)

Before playing the hero, however, Jackson played the villain.

M. Night Shyamalan's sophomoric effort Unbreakable remains one of his best films, thanks in no small part to Samuel L. Jackson's role as Elijah Price. Elijah plays the role as antagonist, antithesis to Bruce Willis's super powered character.

So, whereas Willis is "unbreakable," Jackson is very breakable.

Elijah Price's bones are super brittle, and shatter with incredible ease. It is for this reason that, despite orchestrating great, evil acts throughout the course of the film, his greatest enemy remains: stairs.

Despite Jackson being at perhaps his most bone chilling here...you could stop him by pushing him down a flight of stairs.

Winner: Stairs.

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About the Creator

Anthony Gramuglia

Obsessive writer fueled by espresso and drive. Into speculative fiction, old books, and long walks. Follow me at twitter.com/AGramuglia

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