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As the snowflakes fall and the storm rages on HBO's Game of Thrones, Season 7 of the fantasy foray looks like it is heading toward a chilly climax for its final two episodes this year. The episode "Eastwatch" saw Jon Snow unveil his master plan to prove that White Walkers are still the biggest threat to the Seven Kingdoms, and his high hopes of capturing a live one to showcase to Queen Cersei Lannister.
Sure, our incest queen and Daenerys Targaryen may be thinking about whose ass looks better on the Iron Throne, but there is no better way to shore up an alliance of men than scaring the frozen sh*t out of them with some abominable snowmen.
Interestingly, #GeorgeRRMartin's book A Clash Kings had Ser Alliser Thorne take the animated hand of an attacking wight to King's Landing in hopes that the crown would send more men to the Wall. However, this being the big-budget TV spectacle that we have come to expect, why stop at a hand? Why not take a whole zombified wight to the capital?
Death Marches On The Wall
The promo for next week's episode has already teased that Jon Snow's Magnificent Seven of "Snow Men" will be chopped down to just five before the credits roll. With thee biggest White Walker battle since Hardhome heading our way in Episode 6, now is the perfect time to off one of our favorite characters. However, forget your boring old wight plucked from the field, what if a departing familiar face has one last noble use to offer the Seven Kingdoms?
With the likes of Beric Dondarrion, Jorah Mormont, and Sandor Clegane assembling as the Avengers, the men heading beyond the Wall are a veritable Suicide Squad of undesirables and reformed villains. These days, everyone seems set on dying for their cause, which is looking like an increasing reality for at least some of them. Let's be honest, Gendry has just come back, and can you really see Jon Snow kicking the bucket once more? So, this leaves Tormund Giantsbane, Ser Jorah Mormont, Beric and Thoros of Myr, or even The Hound as likely candidates for the chop.
If one of our favorites does find himself displayed as a macabre trophy of Jon's winter safari, let's take a look at who should start practicing their best The Walking Dead impression before the season finale.
'Bear' With Me
The bushy beard of Tormund Giantsbane has become a staple of the show's time in the North. From (hopefully) exaggerated tales of beastility to mocking Jon Snow's tiny pecker, Tormund has offered comic relief against the stoic backdrop of wildlings and White Walkers. That being said, there has always been an assumption that Tormund would die by Jon's side long before the wars of Westeros were over.
Think about it, Tormund wouldn't like it in sunnier climes, it would be far too warm and he would have no use for all those winter furs. Also, remember that the showrunners teased that they would have to give Brienne and Tormund and unhappy ending — is the bear f*cker about to punch his timecard?
A Rocky Romance
Just as Melisandre said she will return one last time before dying, most of our favorites in Westeros are coming to the conclusion that they can't keep pulling themselves out of such sticky situations and live to tell the tale. A newly scal-less Jorah Mormont has returned to Queen Daenerys' side, but after a quick kiss on the hand, went off to prove himself useful once more.
Three's a crowd, and several shots from "Eastwatch" teased that both Jon and Jorah could butt heads over Dany and her "good heart." Don't be a Jorah and kid yourself, we can only see the Mother of Dragons shacking up with Jon before Season 8 comes to a close. This leaves Jorah at a bit of a loose end, and the egg timer may finally have run out for the courageous Mormont.
If Jon finds himself at the mercy of the Night King, Jorah could sacrifice himself and whisper some immortal words along the lines of "tell her I love her." Then just imagine a conflicted Daenerys having to show a reanimated Jorah to Cersei. I mean, I don't write the show, but that's how I would do it.
In all likelihood, the two most obvious candidates to meet their precious Lord of Light are the eye-patched Beric Dondarrion and his bald friend Thoros of Myr. The Brotherhood Without Banners have always been on the periphery of the show, and while more important in the books, showrunners Benioff and Weiss have clearly brought them back for a good reason.
The trailer for Episode 6 sees Beric light up his flaming sword as possibly one last stand before meeting his maker. In the books, Beric does a similar final act to bring back Catelyn Stark, so flaming sword + chances of death foreshadow a snowy grave for Beric. Alongside him, what would really be the point of Thoros without Beric? Robin without Batman? Luigi without Mario? It just wouldn't feel right.
Paul Kaye's Thoros of Myr has been vastly underused during his brief appearances, so why not give him some more screen time as the wandering wight that Jon and the survivors give to Cersei at King's Landing?
However, this of course leads us on to the final and most "WTF, yes please," idea of all. Although hopes of Lady Stoneheart are out the window, fans are on waiting on tenterhooks for the inevitable arrival of #Cleganebowl. Seeing Sandor and Gregor face off in the ultimate vengeance death match would be one hell of a way to bow out Season 7, but could it also come off the back of Jon's white walk on the wildling side?
The various promo trailers have shown what we assume to be The Hound standing by a crate at King's Landing. While we have long-tried to decipher whether he had been in the crate or was simply unloading it, a reanimated Clegane wight could solve both mysteries. The reason we can't confirm that it is actually Sandor in this scene is because of some handy glare of the sun on the screen, but what if this is actually a shot of a zombified Hound after perishing beyond the Wall? The "Clegane" seen here is seen using a sword, but we have seen the wights take arms on every occasion we have crossed them.
Also if you remember the vision into the flames, Sandor predicted the events that unfold in Episode 6, but there were no allusions to what the Hound would do next. Perhaps his sole purpose was to foresee Eastwatch as his final resting place and a time of great importance in his life. Personally, I'm not buying this one — but just imagine the hype of seeing two undead Cleganes battle to the undead death!
Without skipping ahead to read the various reams of spoiled scripts and episode leaks, you can now place your bets on who will die in Episode 6 and if it will really be the last we see of one (or more) of our Magnificent Seven.