Carousels

Dreams come easy to a restless mind. Thoughts that can’t find a moment to pause seem to breathe new life under a subconscious veil. Unfortunately for me, the dreams that invaded my rest had no variation or change of scenery. I would awaken in the same booth on the same train as I always did. The cart would be nearly empty besides a few sleeping passengers that hardly existed in the same reality. I wouldn’t acknowledge them and they wouldn’t me.

Except for Rover. He’d bounce his way down the aisle before forcing his way into a one sided conversation with me, prying for personal information despite giving me none back about himself. I’d tell him the date, my name and a few details about my new living situation. He’d always laugh at my name and with its lack of flare that his standards were up to. Nicholas was a human name after all. What was to be expected from a cat? He was always here in a predictable manner but something else bothered me on this recurring ride—I could never find out where the train was coming from. How could I not know this? This was the earliest memory I seemed to have, riding in this train for the first time to my eventual home. Equally important, why wouldn’t Rover tell me I asked? “The past should stay where it is, why not focus on what’s coming,” he’d say with blind enthusiasm that was less contagious than it was tiring.

I would phase in and out of listening to his high-paced babbling and inquisitive pestering before finally drifting back into consciousness in an anti climactic transition. Awake in my bed, I knew this was my reality. A maze confined to nothing but a box, spinning its thread for only empty hands. I reach to the bedside table and into its drawer to grab my sleep aid purchased from Nookington’s. I’d taken it religiously since I arrived in the town, never tuning into a fruitful sleep schedule. There was only one pill left instead of the two required for a full dose but it’d have to do anyways. Back to the carousel I’d go.

I started my day in this town of Roseden around 8 AM, washing the daze that hung around my eyes as I slipped out of bed. My schedule was clear as my boss, the town capitalist extraordinaire Tom Nook, had left for the week to open a new shop in a neighboring town. Despite my usual lack of sleep, I’ve always been an outdoors person. There were many bumbling beetles and boisterous butterflies about to catch in the trees that flourished throughout the town. After that, I’d search for fossils awaiting to bathe in sunlight as they sat buried in dirt, existing much longer on earth in death than they did in life.

Walking down my normal path, I saw my neighbor Annalise standing outside with a a box in her hands, with many more stacked behind her. I knew she had finally paid off her debt to Tom Nook and was contemplating the next step in her life, which appeared to not involve this town anymore.

“Going on a trip, Annalise?” I asked.

“Hm, I supposed you could say that. It’s quite extended and the return date unknown and not needed,” she responds on her high horse as usual. She was a horse so that’s to be expected. “I just hope the newbie coming to town isn’t too much of a downgrade.”

“Not sure how we’ll make do.”

“Hmph, you’ll see for yourself soon enough. Take care, Nicholas.”

She set her boxes down and went back inside, gathering the rest of her things for her surely grand exit from our lives. I’d miss her despite the minor squabblings and dramatic, self sustaining attitude she had perfected so well for full display.

It was an accomplishment to climb out of debt here. A constant reminder of how little freedom we actually have and the price we must pay to expand that same freedom. I wish I could remember more about how I ended up here, indentured to the tanuki in charge with a lifetime of hard, tedious work ahead of me. All I knew was that I arrived here without a place to stay, given a conditional home and surrounded by friendly faces that’d quickly become all my world.

At the end of the evening, Annalise was helped with her luggage to the train by the crew, turning around to give us a half smile and wave before stepping into the cabin. She was gone in a moment and a new face would soon be arriving. This would be the biggest moment of my day before I dragged myself to the bed I had no desire to see.

This evening was set up for struggle from the start. I had no sleep aid to give me a fighting chance at a good rest and was already on course to board the train. Unlike Annalise, this train seemed destinationless. A subconscious purgatory I was destined to relive without purpose.

My eyes closed and reopened, changing worlds in an instant. Across from me was the normal green vinyl booth I was accustomed too. The sleeping warthog was in view a few booths ahead to the right. Maybe they were drifting into my world every night too, seeing the same things back to back. There was a strange feeling I had this time however. Usually I felt trapped as if I was stuck in a seat at the movies, just watching events unfold in front of me. But this time I felt the freedom to turn my head, a little step into changing the routine. I looked to my right into the aisle, seeing mostly empty seats in this car. Then I looked to the left, outside the window where tall, darkly green trees flashed by as quick as they came into view. The sky was bright and blue, shining through the light cloud formations scattered throughout the sky.

I peered outside the window for some period of time, lost in the picturesque back drop that had eluded my eyes despite the many times it was but a head turn away. I was so entranced that I had missed Rover entering the car through the sliding door. I had even missed his first line of questioning as he began to tap on my shoulder to get my attention.

“HELLO, ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH YOUR EYES OPEN?” His enthusiasm still present.

I looked at his red, slitted eyes for a moment before I was able to get a new question of my own out. “Where are we passing through, Rover?”

His ears perked up upon hearing his name, eyes wide and mouth open. “How did you know my name?! I was just here to ask you the time, stranger!” he said as he scurried off away from my booth, pausing to turn around and take a long gaze at me one more time.

The dream sequence had been completely knocked out of its normal motions and was coming apart at it’s seams. I needed to ask Rover more questions but he was now too disturbed to even participate in a conversation.

My options were now open. Maybe I could search the train further to gain more answers to this dream. More importantly, maybe I could find more answers to my past. This was a replay of my memory after all and this manipulation of it I was experiencing gave me a chance to exploit it. I stood up from my seat and stepped out of the booth and into the aisle. Walking here felt as normal as walking in real life so I continued. There was the door behind me and also the door in front, where Rover has always entered. I decided to go for the door in front and walked up to it while the train chugged and shook beneath me. I put my hands on the door and tried to peer through the glass but there was nothing but blackness behind it. The glass must be for show only, I thought. I put my hand onto the handle of the sliding door and began to pull it across. It hardly budged and there was great tension on it, as if it was being pulled back by someone on the other side. I called out to see if someone was in fact on the other side but they didn’t answer. I let the door close and looked behind me to see if the other passengers had seen my struggle. The warthog remained in deep sleep, snoring filled the cart and Rover hadn’t turned his attention my way.

I turned back and put both hands on the door, pulling without restriction but could only make the door budge an inch or two more. What could possibly be on the other side that Rover was allowed to see but not me? While holding the door with the tiny gap I created, I tried to see through the other side. All I could see was a thin line of blackness. Was there another door behind the glass that was blocking access? Frustration began to build and I yanked harder and harder, with burst of pulling and tugging that still had no impact.

In the middle of my fight with the door, a voice briefly filled the car. “Who's there? Who's making all that racket?!”

I quickly let go and turned around. It was not Rover’s voice, I knew that, so I turned to the warthog first. Still asleep, they couldn’t have possibly talked. I looked up the aisle at Rover. He had not turned around yet or showed a sign of worry that a voice was in the cart.

“Someone is peeking where they shouldn’t.” The voice echoed throughout the car. “I guess I’ll have to wrap this up quickly.”

His voice carried throughout the car as if it was being played at a movie theater in surround sound. I was wrapped in his voice on the outside while it overflowed from within my body, making it all the more intimidating. Rover had always been here, surely he was aware of this person and what they meant. I took a few steps towards where Rover was sitting in the back of the car before it suddenly jumped in speed. I grabbed onto the booths to the side but the train began going faster and faster until my legs came out from under me, changing my momentum so hard upwards that I couldn’t hold on and was now in the air.

I flew into the glass doors behind me from the trains sudden acceleration, smashing my head into the ceiling above. My body crumpled into the wall, falling immediately to the ground in a violent drop. I began to get my balance and stand halfway up when I began to feel paralyzed. I could no longer move upwards as if gravity had multiplied in an instant to hold me down. It wasn’t very long before I collapsed. Face on the floor of the car, all I could do was close my eyes. And at that moment, I was back in my bed. The sky was still black and I was still left tired and unsure. Feelings I knew so well. But this time was different, and more answers were needed.

I was not able to go back to sleep that evening. I layed there replaying what had happened again and again. When morning came, I had to escape my home for a bit to ease the mental gymnastics going on. Walking about town, I headed to where Annalise’s home was to see how the progress was going with preparing for the new neighbor. The house was lifeless on the outside without her touch on the landscaping or outdoors decorations. However it was clear they had already made strides in filling it up with furniture as empty boxes, stuffed with plastic were stacked outside.

Before I could continue my rounds about the town, an echoing voice reached my ears. The words were muffled and the message unclear but it was surely a voice I had heard. My body was frozen. I turned my head to find where it came from. In the trees around me, on the side of the road, I saw no sign of another person calling out to me. I turned to the house but there was nobody in view. Yet the voice continued. My eyes locked on the house, the sounds were now coming in bigger bunches. Without even thinking, my feet began to lift themselves to make me walk towards the house. More and more muffled words were being shouted the closer I got to the door. I turned the knob and the door slowly creaked open. I was shocked it was unlocked so I looked around to see if the movers were still somewhere around the house before walking inside.

The home was completely furnished, clear of any sign that Annalise had lived here. The voices briefly stopped as I cautiously stepped around the wooden floor, looking for signs of anyone speaking out to me. As my head turned to view the whole of the living room, I was drawn to a large brown couch against the wall. It was covered in a floral print with a pink border, covering the top and the armrests.

The voice had returned. But what I now noticed was it was not in the house at all.

The voice was in my head.

For whatever reason, it was triggered when I turned my attention to the house and now when I focused on the couch. I walked over and stood directly in front of it for a moment. The voice now a dull lull, I placed my hand against the cushions.

“NOOOOO, THIS WASN’T WHAT WAS PROMISED! YOU LIAR!” The muffled voice from a moment ago was now an embattled scream.

I immediately pulled my hand away, putting them on my ears as they rang from the loud screams that filled them. I looked at the couch again. Nothing had changed physically but this was not an ordinary couch. Now aware of what might happen, I prepared myself before touching the couch again. My hand back on the cushion, I listened to what they had to say.

But all it was... was sobbing. The voice rattled with sadness and ached with tearful, expelled breaths. It sounded as if it had submitted to defeat already. From what, I didn’t know. I couldn’t bear to listen to this for much longer and lifted my hand off the couch. I stood up and backed myself to the door, keeping my eyes locked on it as I made my way out.

When I reached for the door, I felt thick, course fur instead of the metallic knob I expected.

“Hm, carousing as usual I see.”

It was Tom Nook! He had returned from his trip, something I was unaware of.

“I was just checking on the progress of the move in, appears you were too, Nicholas.”

“Yeah, was curious to see what kind of new neighbor we had coming.”

“Next time just browse, okay? No need to carouse.”

“Won’t happen again, Mr. Nook.”

He gave a half smile as I began to walk away. I felt his eyes cast on me until I was out of sight.

The day was uneventful besides the few fossils I’d unearthed and the banded dragonfly I captured with my net. I was eager to return to sleep that evening. I had spent some time thinking as to what made that dream so different but the only difference in my routine was the sleep aid, so I would not be taking it tonight as well. Sleep would be hard to come by as I was almost eager to get back into my personalized purgatory. After much fidgeting and repositioning, the K K album I had put on had finally lulled me to sleep.

Familiar paths lay ahead.

But the unknown did too.

The carousel turns.

I wasted no time in this subconscious realm, standing up as soon as I was birthed back into it. I walked to the door Rover would come out of and stood to the side, out of sight. I waited a few moments before he slid the door as he always did but this time he wouldn’t be taking his over enthused steps to my booth. Instead I swung around the corner, face to face and shoved past him.

Before I even heard him say anything to me, I saw what had blocked my vision the time before.

Crushing blackness, engulfing what appeared to be the entire world outside the train.

There wasn’t a spot of light I could see outside the door that wasnt drenched in a black so dark that you couldn’t help but feel pitifully powerless. If there were a thousand suns behind it, I don’t think a single flickering piece of glitter would shine through.

I noticed Rover had not let go so I turned to ask him the ever new arising questions I had but he was still. Everything was still. Silent. The entire train looked frozen in time, stuck in the position it was when I came to the door. Regardless of the time stoppage, I felt rushed because of what happened last cycle.

I turned to the blackness, gazing at it for a moment more while preparing myself to persevere through what lies next.

I placed my hand outside the car to test the outside. My hand was immediately lost in vision. The darkness acted as a fog of immense depth and density and blocked anything in it from the moment it broke through. I had no choice in this case. It was a dream, what should I actually fear after all?

I took one step forward and realized the walkway ended. This left me unknowing of every direction. So, I took a few steps backwards and charged into the darkness, jumping at the end of the walkway and into what seemed to be eternity.

I didn’t fall. I didn’t bounce into anything. All I did was wake up.

And yet my mind was boiling over with a rush over flowing thoughts as if a barrier had been broken open to fill my head. These were memories. My memories.

My name is Drew and I’m not from Roseden.

My eyes opened so quick, I thought my eye lids would wrap around the front. I got to my feet but fell down as quick as I got up. My head dropped to the floor and I yelled. I yelled and yelled. I was not from this town and I was not Nicholas.

Tears began to stream down my face as memories finally flowed back. I was from a town called Snowcourt, a research assistant at a university... I had a home... a girlfriend... a family... a life... that was not this one.

I was able to collect myself for a moment and picked myself up. There was something that needed to be seen with my own eyes. In the bathroom I came, my hand was placed on the lights, not turning them on quite yet. My face in front of the mirror, one big breathe was taken and the light was turned on.

No. I had to still be in the dream. Why didn’t the face in front of me match the face I knew was mine? What the fuck happened to my goddamn face?! My fists swung into the mirror and smashed right through it, glass falling to the floor with my blood coming with it.

The pain was there. This was not a dream.

How did all of this happen without me knowing what was going on? I had to think, what was the last thing that happened before I came to this town. I could see my days at work, dinners with my girlfriend in our apartment, all kinds of memories I hadn’t seen in years all within reach. There was planning for a trip I could see. I had read an email about it. There was a voucher I was given to visit a scenic town a few hours away. They included a free shuttle to the airport. I took that offer up and packed my things before hopping in the shuttle. The driver was very inquisitive, asking for details about the trip and sounding genuinely excited for me. My mind moved to the plane. The plane. Where was the plane?

Where is the fucking plane at, why can’t I remember a plane where there should be a plane! I can’t even remember getting out of the car or grabbing my things, just the driver. The driver.

A tanuki.

This didn’t make sense but every endorphin was shooting adrenaline throughout my body. My body was a vessel that moved with purpose and without thinking. Tom Nook had to have answers for me and I wouldn’t accept anything else.

Nookington’s was a 24 hour shop and he’d be there without a doubt. At the front door, it was obvious nothing had changed since he got back from his business trip, the lights were still on at a late hour and I wouldn’t be denied. I stepped through the automatic door and began walking to the checkout counter he would be standing at.

It wasn’t many steps before voices like before had returned.

However this time they were much more erratic and coming from all directions. I looked all around for a source but there were too many to focus on anything at all. The voices were muffled like before and nothing could be understood. I fell to my knees under the immense downpour of distressed yelling coming my way and needed a way out. I tried to bring myself up to leave but before I could there was a clear, understandable voice.

“I told you to browse but you chose to carouse...”

My eyes laid on Tom Nook momentarily before I fell to the floor and succumbed to the avalanche of chaos in my head. I drifted back into unconsciousness.

I didn’t wake up in the train. I didn’t wake up in my bed. It didn’t feel like I woke up at all.

I was in a dark room but not as dark as in the train dream. Looking around I saw nothing else but varying, disguised silhouettes that gave no clue what they were. I went to move but was immobile. My limbs had been locked to a flat, wooden surface as was my waist. My head was the only thing I could move. I layed there for only a moment before the piercing sound of a saw broke the silence. I looked to the right to see Tom Nook making his way across the room. I could make out his shadow and follow the sound as he got to the other side of me and grabbed a light switch to turn on. Another board, similar to the one I was on was revealed with an occupant like myself also strapped in. Tears had already begun to stream down their face as they realized from the bloodstains on the saw that there was no happy ending in the future.

“You wanted to see everything so I will show you everything,” Tom Nook said while moving the saw towards the frantic body.

First, he carved through the frog's arm, starting at the edge of the shoulder blade and slicing all the way through to the board. Blood had painted Tom Nook’s face as muffled screams were hidden behind the tape on his unwilling participants face. The arm fell to the floor with a low thud. Tom Nook moved back and set down the saw, now turned off so he could pick up the arm. He walked over to me, standing in front while holding it directly in front.

“You are all my children. As my children, you are also part tanuki. Otherwise known as the shape shifting raccoon dog in legends. Those legends are true.”

The arm began to shake and compress until it started to mold into a new shape. It took the form of a thin rod, sprouting a fabric that came out until it reached a few feet. The arm had transformed into a set of curtains.

“This will be part of the Camofrog set, here are the curtains. They will sell nicely, right Camofrog?”

More muffled screams came from the frog on the board, blood stained and terrified, surely the pain threshold was met and he’d be unconscious soon.

Tom Nook began walking back to the frog, picking up the saw again.

“I blocked out everyone’s memory when they arrived here. Gave them bodies that would create a worthwhile product. This required my genetic contribution.” Tom Nook cut through Camofrog’s other arm, setting aside the saw after again and transforming it into a coffee table that matched the frog;s skin pattern. “Do you know what twin telepathy is? You’ve somehow surpassed my mental barriers and sustained a similar connection. A learning experience for me.” Camofrog's leg was now separated, a set of kitchen knives with Camofrog handles were new inventory. “You even connected to my flesh and blood furniture. You might call them your friends but ultimately they are still mostly me. Don’t take it personal; this was all random. I wouldn’t have risked anything if I knew you would cause alarm like this. Oh well. I’ve said enough. Time for a restock.”

The frog was hacked into a desk, some cabinets, a carpet and a barbecue by the time he was done. All the items were brought to the stock room beside us before he returned to me. I didn’t say anything as he put the tape over my mouth, my fate was all but sealed. The saw turned on and i would soon make a living room’s colors really pop.

Tom Nook made very careful and small slices to take as many of my body parts away as slow as possible. Many dining sets and toothbrushes would be on display soon enough and the store would continue to thrive for years to come.

But so would a new banded dragonfly of Roseden. It’d fly freely among the trees throughout the day and have many different dreams of old memories at night.