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Harry Potter: How Sex Would Be in the Wizarding World

This is what happens when you read the book as a grown up.

The Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling might have been written for kids but grown-ups all around the world still love to read it and see the story in a whole new way. You might want to obliviate some of these things because today, we are showing you how sex would be wrong in the Wizarding world. 

The Love Potions

In Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Professor Slughorn said that the love potion was the most dangerous potion in the room, and it was right next to Veritaserum and Polyjuice. As he described it:

"Amortentia doesn’t really create love, of course. It is impossible to manufacture or imitate love. No, this will simply cause a powerful infatuation or obsession. It is probably the most dangerous and powerful potion in this room – oh yes. When you have seen as much of life as I have, you will not underestimate the power of obsessive love …."

It didn't stop Hermione and Ginny from looking at it and Molly Weasley from admitting that she used to brew some when she was at Hogwarts. Pansy Parkinson even told Rita Skeeter that Hermione used one to seduce Victor Krum, and Gilderoy Lockhart suggested that Professor Snape should brew one. But the most memorable scene was probably when Romilda Vane tried to give one to Harry Potter and Ron Weasley accidentally ate it. 

But don't you think that it looks just like drugs that Muggles give to people without their consent to sexually assault them? We are lucky to see teenagers who are just using it for fun, but someone might have other intentions. Let's not forget that Merope Gaunt used a love potion on Tom Riddle Snr and this is the reason why Voldemort cannot love, as he was not conceived with genuine love. But what would happen if you would give a love potion to yourself? 

The Room of Requirement

Via Warner Bros

You probably don't remember it but we first heard about the Room of Requirement in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire when Albus told Karkaroff that he discovered a room full of chamber pots when he needed to go to the toilet, but couldn't find this room anymore later. But it's in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix that we finally learned more about it when Dobby described it to Harry:

"It is a room that a person can only enter when they have real need of it. Sometimes it is there, and sometimes it is not, but when it appears, it is always equipped for the seeker's needs"

After finding in on the seventh floor in the left corridor of the Hogwarts castle, the Dumbledore Army finally had a secret place to practice. This is also where Harry Potter got his first kiss with Cho Chang and later kissed Ginny in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. It looks like the perfect place to make out and we think that some young wizards did more intimate things in the Room of Requirement.

Just imagine a couple of young wizards walking by, searching for a place to have fun away from the teachers and the portraits on the wall. Some of them probably found a room full of everything they needed like a beautiful bed with satin sheets and a box of condoms against magical STDs. When you share a dormitory with all the other students And Mrs. Norris always know in which closet you are hiding, it looks like the best place to hide. 

The Photographs and the Portraits

Via Warner Bros

One of the main reasons why the Wizarding world wouldn't be the best place to have sex is that no matter where you go, there is always someone looking at you while they are just hanging there on the wall. As it is described on Pottermore:

"Hogwarts portraits are able to talk and move around from picture to picture. They behave like their subjects. However, the degree to which they can interact with the people looking at them depends not on the skill of the painter, but on the power of the witch or wizard painted."

An enchantment is used to make them move and they can also say the subject's favorite phrases and imitate their general demeanor, but they are nothing but a memory of what they used to be at that time and can't have in-depth discussions about complex aspects of their lives. But no matter what, we think that no one would like some eyes to look at them while they are being intimate. Well actually, some people would be interested in that, but that's another topic. 

But let's not forget about the photographs in the Harry Potter world. We don't exactly know how, but we can see the people moving in the pictures as they are stuck in this moment, just like GIFs in the Muggle world. It looks nice when you look at a newspaper or when you are thinking about a family member, but just imagine how this would easily be turned into pornography. Some kinky wizards obviously thought about that.

The Magic Spells

Magic spells have been the best way to solve any problem in the Wizarding world. As soon as they get their first wand and go to Hogwarts, this is the first things that young wizards want to do. One of the most popular is probably Expelliarmus, which saved Harry Potter's life many times, and we can't forget "It's LeviOsa, not LeviosA" and the unforgivable curses: the Killing Curse, The Cruciatus Curse, and the Imperius Curse. Wizards learn some of them and how to protect themselves from others but they always remain essential in their lives. And you know what happens when teachers don't want to teach spells anymore?

When Dolores Umbridge decided that no defensive spells would be taught to Hogwarts students, she accidentally did something wonderful. She united some of the bravest students in secret protest.

We all know that our favorite wizards did try to experiment by creating some spells. The first spell that Ron Weasley tried to cast in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone was "Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid, fat rat yellow." Peter Pettigrew is happy that it didn't work.  And who can forget Seamus saying, "Eye of rabbit, harp string hum, turn this water into rum" and Harry asking "Ron, what's Seamus trying to do with that glass of water?" But we think that some wizards would try to go even further. 

We can't believe that no wizard ever try to make his wand look bigger with "Engorgio," if you know what I mean. And let's not forget about the popular "Fetus Deletus" joke to have an abortion in the Harry Potter fandom. It would probably go wrong if any wizard tried to do that and Madam Pomfrey would have a lot of work to do. 

The Polyjuice Potions

Via Warner Bros.

The first time we ever saw someone using Polyjuice was in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets when Hermione prepared this potion so Harry and Ron could spy on Draco Malfoy. It took her several weeks to work on this and the results weren't perfect but it didn't stop them from using Polyjuice again later in the movie series. As it is described on Pottermore:

The Polyjuice Potion, which is a complex and time-consuming concoction, is best left to highly skilled witches and wizards. It enables the consumer to assume the physical appearance of another person, as long as they have first procured part of that individual's body to add to the brew (this may be anything - toenail clippings, dandruff or worse - but it is most usual to use hair). The idea that a witch or wizard might make evil use of parts of the body is an ancient one, and exists in the folklore and superstitions of many cultures.

Polyjuice was later used by Barty Crouch Jr. to look like Alastor Moody in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and later by Goyle and Crabbe to look like young girls while they were waiting outside the Room of Requirement. The most memorable moment was when the Order of the Phoenix used it to make everyone look like Harry and later infiltrate the Ministry of Magic in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. But there are actually many other reasons why some wizards could be interested in this.

What would you do if you had the chance to turn into someone of the opposite gender for a day? Most people would try to use something that they have between their legs to have fun, and this is exactly what wizards could do. Moreover, some of them could be interested having sex with any partner, as long as they are able to steal a part of their hair, which would make Polyjuice Potion really popular amongst magical sex workers. Fortunately, this potion is kind of hard to make, so we hope that they'll use it for a better reason. 

(And what about magical STDs?)

(Let's not forget that Hagrid's Father had sex with a giant.)

(And that Bellatrix had a kid with Voldemort.)

(And what were the "inappropriate charms" that Aberforth used on goats?)

No matter what, we are happy to see that it was a book for kids as Harry Potter and the Magical STD wouldn't be as good as any other book. Let children love the series as much as we did and let grown-ups see the innuendos that they want to see. And for more stories like this, make sure you read Harry Potter: Where Was the Sex at Hogwarts

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