Online Roleplay

When pulling up a basic search on roleplay, specifically roleplay online, you may find some negative articles written by concerned parents. In those situations, the parents have every right to be concerned by what goes on anonymously on the web.

But I want to add to the conversation by presenting the other side, giving you first-person accounts of active roleplayers around the world.

What is roleplaying?The short version, it entails assuming the role of someone else, a celebrity perhaps, or maybe a book character. More likely, you’ll find roleplayers making up their own original characters tailored for the setting of their choice. Usually, roleplaying takes place in a predetermined setting and is written in the third person so that it reads like a book. Each individual has complete control over what their character does and experiences while interacting with others and creating a plot. It’s like writing one book with 2-20 different authors.

Myself, I have been roleplaying for nearly three years. Talking about it at first was difficult and embarrassing. I tended to call it “online collaborative writing" depending on who I was talking to. Why is this? Well, most people make a face when you mention roleplaying. There's a stigma attached to it. You're either a larper (live action roleplayer) dressed up in public or a sexual offender stalking young kids online.

Admittedly, there are a few sketchy accounts out there, but if you practice safe habits (as you should in any internet setting), there isn’t much to worry about. It can be fun, de-stressing, a way to make friends, and creativity-boosting.

To pull together the most general ideas about roleplaying, I interviewed several people I had interacted with over the years. Each interviewee had different experiences, but nearly all of the responses coincided with one another.

So without further ado...

Question 1 asked how the individual was first introduced to roleplay. Most had similar encounters coming across a roleplay account dedicated to their favorite books or movies. Others had friends who drew them into it initially, but from there on they found accounts that interested them and were pulled into the fictional worlds much like the rest. Rarely is one contacted by a sexual offender and tricked into the game. In fact, I have yet to meet someone who has experienced this particular threat. Most websites are good about clearing up fake accounts. All one has to do is report them if you do come across them though.

Next, I asked how roleplay affects them positively. Everyone had a lot to say about this one. Here are just a few of the good things roleplay has done for young adults:

• New bonds are made, some of them turning into lasting friendships.
• There is freedom from judgment in a setting where everyone appreciates writing and has similar tastes in books or movies.
• Many have boasted their writing skills improving.
• And not only writing, but even social skills were improved upon. Don’t believe me? Read what one individual had to say about her evolving communication ability:

“I’ve gained a lot of confidence in social situations since I started. Some of that is just growing up. But not all of it. At least some of that difference is roleplay. I mean, is talking to the girl next to you really that difficult when you’re used to talking your way out of much more extreme situations?”

By learning to communicate more effectively through writing first, communicating in real life situations doesn’t seem like such a daunting task after all.

On the flip side, the negative impacts of roleplay are few and far between. The biggest (and probably only) issue with roleplaying we all agree on is its addictiveness. It can be a time sucker. But if not roleplaying, then most teens would be spending that time scrolling through social media or binging Netflix. The dangers of tech obsession remain. At the very least, roleplaying is a “much more intellectual pastime” that encourages creativity, empathy, and new ways of thinking.

The roleplay world isn't perfect though. So to really get to the bottom of it, I had to ask the sensitive questions. I had to ask about the infamous “dirty RP”.

A dirty RP is considered a roleplay where pornographic or overtly sexual activities are played out. A parent’s nightmare, basically. Not so surprisingly though, several admitted to having engaged in such a roleplay at least once. However, most would say that they are not comfortable with it and prefer not to do it again.

To clarify, most "dirty RPs" are not much different from a love scene that you would read in a book. And the most artful way to do it is to allude to it. No visual pornography is ever exchanged.

Those who were comfortable with tame dirty roleplaying affirmed they would never force another to engage in it unless there was a mutual desire.

I feel the need to add now that roleplaying is NOT the epitome of sexual encounters. It is just as likely, if not more likely, for teens to be immersing themselves in sexual scenes solo. It’s more awkward to do so with another person, and most angsty teenagers aren’t going to put themselves out there like that even with a friend. Of course, it is still something that goes on in an anonymous setting. While a few of the individuals interviewed claimed that it was a healthy way to release sexual tension, it should really be up to the guardians and what they expect their children to do or avoid on the internet. Roleplay can’t always be to blame in this situation, especially when sex makes up such a small percentage of the actual activity. More likely in a roleplay, you would find an endless scroll of fantasy plots with blossoming friendships, mysterious murders, comedic drama, innocent crushes, and puppy love. Like in any mainstream fantasy book, sex really isn’t the point. You often won’t even find it at all.

In tandem with sexual roleplays, I next asked individuals what their thoughts were on responsibility and age limits. Most said that around fourteen or fifteen was an appropriate age to enter the world of online roleplay, but that was due to the fact that their own parents deemed them responsible enough at that point to avoid unsafe internet practices. As for an age cap, it was mutually agreed that people should roleplay within their age groups. Adults over 30 who have the time to roleplay consistently tend to scare away the younger crowds anyways.

As for determining what is appropriate to share with one’s parents, I had mixed responses. Most responses broadly stated that it depended on the particular parent-child relationship. Some flat out said they keep it a secret because they know their parents would never approve or see their side of the argument. I desire to change this view by openly explaining what roleplay is and means to the participants. Independence and privacy have to be earned, but I hope that parents are able to respect their children’s private writing and creative outlet.

To be sure that no one was hiding any buried dark secrets about roleplay, I asked specifically if they ever had any dangerous or unfriendly interactions. Are there sexual predators? Bullies? Catfishes?Yes. But how often do you come across them while roleplaying? Well, if you’re a safe internet user, rarely. Out of everyone interviewed, no one had experienced this.

Hopefully, all of this information is lessening any fears one might have about roleplay. But I have just one more special interview to share with you.

A parent was willing to describe her thoughts on the trend and the effect it had on her daughter. Like any conscientious guardian would be, she was apprehensive at first. Even the overly involved parents can’t always know what is being said and who it is being shared with. However, if proper safety is taught and expectations are established, there isn’t much to worry about. In fact, this parent, in particular, was ecstatic about the creative outlet roleplaying provided for her daughter.

“The writing that is produced in these interactions is phenomenal. And also a great way for her to explore alternate realities and possibilities.”

Nowadays, she is, “Comfortable and excited about the creative growth that it has allowed her [daughter].”

In the end, us roleplayers aim to explain what we do a little bit better. It isn’t sketchy. It isn’t weird. It’s a way to be creative. It’s writing. It’s meeting new people and discussing our favorite genres, plots, books, and movies. It’s character building, not only in a fictional sense but also in a literal sense.

If you want to see more from the interviews, look below!

Interview Quotes from Current Roleplayers

1. How did you get started roleplaying?

• I don’t honestly remember. I think I was in this group chat and she taught me; but we were both bad at it; and I got better and she didn’t. And now I’m here.
• My friend created an academy and asked if I'd join, and I did. That was the first time I roleplayed. I thought it was pretty cool, a way to get away from all of the crap that goes on in real life, and from there I joined a lot more, and yeah.
• I started roleplaying early my freshman year. I had just read the Selection series and was looking up fan accounts and stumbled across a Selection role play. I decided to join, and I fell in love with it.
• I had seen it around. I tried once over the summer and had issues getting included and I didn’t try again for a bit. Then about a year later, I found this really great group for a Percy Jackson roleplay and it all kind of fell from there. I still roleplay with a lot of those people today, but I’ve also met some new people. At first, it was just kind of a thing to try but then it was really fun and I met some great people.
• My friend and I were both obsessed with the Percy Jackson series, and she discovered roleplay based off of that series first, then introduced it to me. I made a fandom account and started from there basically.

2. Does it impact you positively? How?

• Yes. I get to be a better writer and talk to some great people.

• Yeah, I mean, it's a way to get out of the real-life stuff and drama that goes on. It was a way to almost be myself without the consist worry of someone judging me, that way I could be myself.

• Oh most definitely, the people in the community are more often than not people who I can be honest and truthful with. I’ve made a lot of great friends and matured a lot through it.

• Yes, definitely. It’s a different sort of bond. It’s more comfortable. I’m an extrovert with social anxiety so roleplay was an outlet for interaction and great practice. I’ve gained a lot of confidence in social situations since I started. Some of that is just growing up. But not all of it. At least some of that difference is roleplay. I mean, is talking to the girl next to you really that difficult when you’re used to talking your way out of much more extreme situations? It’s also really great writing practice for making sure your voice translates to others and especially character development.

3. Does it impact you negatively? How?

• Not really. I mean sometimes I feel bad in group RPS but besides that it’s fine.

• Some would say so. I might disagree with that interpretation, but I digress. I’m sometimes less engaged with real-life conversations because I’m preoccupied with imaginary plots and I spend a lot more time on my phone. It’s also definitely affected my study habits. But I would argue that if not roleplay, then reading or Netflix, and this is a much more intellectual pastime.

• Not really, I can’t think of a moment where my life went downhill because of this community.

• Kind of, there are moments that I've missed, like my cousin's firsts steps, because I was roleplaying when it happened. (But I saw her second steps.) Other then that no, not really.

4. Have you ever felt like roleplaying made you see reality differently? If yes, was it in a good or bad way?

• Not really.

• Yeah, it made me realize that a lot of us sometimes suppress the creative sides of ourselves, because society doesn't like too much creativity. Since I've started roleplaying, I've been more creative. I've written a story, I've written poetry, all because roleplaying put the creativity back inside of me.

• I’m not sure I see reality differently, but I deal with it differently. I sometimes feel like I was born into the wrong world and it’s so extreme that I can’t breathe and, in general, it’s not good. I’ve considered suicide because of it. But roleplaying relieves some of that because, in some ways, I’m able to live out the fantasies that I so much prefer. In a way, it’s like a doorway to alternate realities. It’s both an escape and exploration route.

• I’ve always been very good at differentiating between reality and roleplay, so seeing my world differently has never been a problem.

5. Have you ever interacted in a “dirty” rp? (meaning pornographic where overtly sexual activities were discussed/played.)

• Yes, but I don’t like it and avoid it at all costs.

• Yes.

• Once. It was late at night and I was bored. It pales in comparison to all the other roleplays. That was a few months ago. I haven’t since.

• I believe I have. It’s totally possible, but truthfully I cannot remember.

6. What are your thoughts/opinions on “dirty” rps?

• I would prefer to not do them. But people can do what pleases them.

• I mean, if its something that you're comfortable roleplaying, and in certain circumstances it's completely not needed.

• Yeah, sure, if that’s your thing. It can be a safe way to explore situations or to ease tensions.

• idk

• I think they’re totally okay! But just like actual “dirty” things, you need to make sure the other person is comfortable. However, sometimes they’re just not necessary to a roleplay, but to each their own.

7. At what age should kids be allowed to rp? (Furthermore, is there an age limit where adults a certain age shouldn’t be roleplaying with younger people?)

• I was rping when I was 15 and I think that’s a good age. But that’s just me. Most of the time 15-year-olds is a mature age and I think that you should stick to your age people. (Like not 25 and 15 more like 15-20 is good group and 20-25 and so on so forth.)

• I think 14 or 15 is a good age. Just because sometimes topics can get kind of mature, or it’s a bit stressful. I think that once you get into your late 20s (27+) it’s probably time to go. Even your mid-20s, ESPECIALLY if you’re tryna do “dirty” rp.

• I mean, kids roleplay from a young age. It’s just not online. Playing "house". I played horses and a whole bunch of other things. That’s basically roleplaying. As far as a minimum age for online, that’s going to depend on the kid and how comfortable the parent is with their sense of security online. I figure as long as everyone is comfortable with all ages involved, it’s fine. The only thing with age gaps is guidelines may be necessary to guide storylines in safe directions.

• I think that 12 is a good age, to start, and people over 30, it's like get a job maybe.

8. Should kids be open with their parents about their roleplaying? (Or willing to share what they role-play?)

• If they are comfortable with it.

• Yeah, I feel like when they're younger, like 12-13 years old, so their parents can make sure they're being safe, and there are no over 30 creepy people. But over 14 is when they can protect themselves more and be more aware of what they're doing.

• I think that’s probably a case by case basis. On the kid. The parent. The relationship. I share with my mom, but not so much my dad. I mean, I’d be willing to share with my dad but he doesn’t really care.

• I mean they probably should... but I don’t with my parents, but I know that they’d heavily disapprove, even though it’s not bad at all, I wouldn’t be allowed to do something I love.

9. Have you had any dangerous/unfriendly interactions through roleplaying? (For instance: encountering sexual predators, being bullied, being lied to about identity, or other.)

• No.

• No, I've had some people be rude to me, but no bullying, that was in school.

• Not really, just some overly rude people because my "personality" clashed with theirs.

• Nope! There’ve been people that I haven’t enjoyed roleplaying with, but nothing beyond that!

• I have never personally experienced that, but I have had friends who have been bullied through role-playing.

10. Final thoughts on roleplaying you would want parents or others not familiar with the trend to know?

• It’s a good time and helps writers get better.

• We’re not just socially awkward misfits who roleplay because that’s the only interaction they can find. Some, but it’s really a quite rewarding pastime with a lot of benefits, the most obvious being an improvement in writing. I’m a better, happier person and instead of retreating into a technologically connected hermit, I’m more engaged in my real life as well. It also increases awareness. You become other people, you understand them. Even those you don’t agree with, you at least start to get where they’re coming from. Beyond that, you’re interacting with real people from different geographical and socioeconomic backgrounds. It broadens one’s horizons. It makes one a better person.

• That it's not all creepy predators trying to kidnap your kids or get off, or anything like that. It's actually very stress relieving, to know that if you had a bad day and someone was rude or something, you have someone to get your spirits up, because when you roleplay with the same people, you start to get to know each other, and they start to help you through the tough stuff that goes on.

• It’s a great way for kids to express themselves! A lot of kids on here don’t feel like they can truly be themselves out in the “real world”, but on here they can.

Interview Quotes from Roleplayer's Parent

1. What was your initial reaction to roleplaying?

I was somewhat apprehensive about it.

2. Do you have any concerns about it?

Not at this time. She is careful about keeping her personal information private.

3. Are you comfortable with not knowing everything your child sends or receives?

Yes. I trust her judgement and that she would let us know if she was uncomfortable with any interactions.

4. Are you comfortable with not knowing everyone your child interacts with?

Yes. See above.

5. Do you have rules regarding the internet already in place?

Minimal.

6. How has roleplaying been a positive thing in your child’s life?

Great creative outlet!!!!! The writing that is produced in these interactions is phenomenal. And also a great way for her to explore alternate realities and possibilities.

7. Has it been negative in any way?

Can be a time suck at times.

8. Do you think other parents should allow their children to roleplay freely? If so, is there a certain age to allow independent roleplaying?

Yes, at which point that they can be trusted to make good judgments about safe and unsafe interactions.

9. Compared to your initial reaction, how do you feel about roleplaying today?

Comfortable and excited about the creative growth that it has allowed her.