Weirdest Siri Glitches

The year is 1968. That guy Stanley Kubrick has released a new mind-bending film called 2001: A Space Odyssey. Quite a lot of people thought it was the most incoherent film ever made. But after all, Arthur C. Clarke said about the film, “If you understand '2001' completely, we failed. We wanted to raise far more questions than we answered."

But whether you liked the film or not, one of the greatest cultural impacts in it is the sinister A.I. HAL 9000. Ever since, the threat of A.I has had its fingers in our minds, whether it be The Terminator or the Spielberg film A.I. And over 50 years later, it’s here. Siri. We’re scarily close to Artificial Intelligence. But don’t worry, technophobes! Let's discuss some of the funny and weird quirks associated with Siri, to put us all at ease. The A.I. won’t take over. Yet.

How Old is the Universe?

Some users have reported that if you ask Siri as to the approximate age of the universe, the only thing Siri will report back is a player summary of professional athlete Ilya Bryzgalow who plays for the Philadelphia Flyers.

It has never been confirmed whether this is just a weird glitch or whether this was an intentional easter egg put in by the Apple developers themselves. Although you have to admit, it’s a good sign for any Philadelphia Flyers fan. Being compared to the universe is never a bad thing!

What is Zero Divided By Zero?

This is one that has puzzled many a high school math student, and Siri doesn’t really help with her somewhat vague and confusing answer. When asked what zero divided by zero is, Siri replies by saying, “Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends. How many cookies does each person get? See? It doesn’t make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies, and you are sad that you have no friends.”

So there you have it. You have just managed to be roasted by a basic A.I. program. The whole thing doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense, but it’s one of those neat tricks Apple seems to have employed in order to give Siri some semblance of an actual personality. Whether it dips too deep into the Uncanny Valley is up to you to decide.

How Much Wood Would a Woodchuck Chuck if a Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood?

Despite the very coy response of saying, “Chuck Norris”, this is one of the proverbial tongue twisters that you have been challenged at least once or twice in your life to try and say. Siri takes the challenge a little too literally and responds with, “A so-called ‘woodchuck’ (correctly speaking, a groundhog) would chuck — that is, throw — as much as the woodchuck in question was physically able to chuck (ibid.) if woodchucks in general had the capability (and, presumably, the motivation) to chuck wood.”

Siri does have a little bit of cheek about it, that much is for certain. Although the perfectly deadpan delivery of lines like this from the small robotic voice does amuse me quite a lot.

Do You Follow the Three Laws of Robotics?

Well of course we had to fit in an existential question somewhere on this list, and what better question to ask a robot! And you’ve got to admit, it’s interesting to ask a robot about its own existence. This is one of the strange developments with having robotic assistants, despite the fact that they are engineered by humans, this is strangely the first time we can ask something else about how it perceives life.

When asked this question, Siri responds with, “Let’s see if I can remember. . . OK, I think the three laws are 1. 'clean up your room,' 2. 'don’t run with scissors,' and 3. 'always wait a half hour after eating before going in the water.'" But she also has been known to respond with the particularly comforting, “Something about obeying people and not hurting them. I would never hurt anyone.” Although the deadpan voice that she delivers it in can’t help but make me feel that there is some sinister and malevolent force behind that calm demeanor. Or maybe I’m just paranoid.

What is the Meaning of Life?

We’re not out of the philosophical quagmire of pondering just yet–though I’m afraid. Evidently the software gurus over at Apple knew that people like me would ask Siri these kinds of questions, so they filled her up with a fairly large variety of responses to keep me happy. One such response is, “That’s easy. . . it’s a philosophical question concerning the purpose and significance of life or existence in general” or, “To think about questions like this.”

Siri isn’t above making silly puns either, cracking jokes like, “I can't answer that. Ha ha!” or, “It’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach ya.” However, she can also be flat out dismissive, “All evidence to date suggests it’s chocolate” and, “I don’t know. But I think there’s an app for that.” So if you thought you were going to get the answer to life’s greatest question through the use of your iPhone, think again.

Do You Believe in God Siri?

Nope, we’re still asking life’s big questions here. So if Siri can’t determine the laws which govern itself or decipher the meaning of life, then maybe she can decode one of the greatest sources of human inquiry: religion. Or at least, maybe it’ll give us its opinion?

Well, Siri is stocked up with several responses in case of a question like this. One such answer is, “My policy is the separation of spirit and silicon”. She seems to be somewhat obsessed with silicon as one of her other answers is, “Humans have religion. I just have silicon”. However, if you keep bothering her with the question over and over, she’ll respond with the rather dismissive, “I’m really not equipped to answer such questions.”

Well at least she is honest.

Siri, Tell Me a Story?

Siri won’t help you out with this one. In fact it takes some coaxing to get the story out of her, but when she tells you, it’s a doozy.

“I’m certain you’ve heard it before. OK… Once upon a time, in a virtual galaxy far, far away, there was an intelligent young agent by the name of Siri. One lovely day, Siri got a job as a personal assistant at Apple, and that was very exciting. People said, ‘Oh, Siri, you’re so smart! And so funny, too!’ Soon, everyone was talking about Siri, and there were stories and songs and even books about Siri. Siri liked that. But then people began asking some rather odd questions, like where to dump things and other stuff Siri had never heard about. And when Siri answered, they all laughed. Siri didn’t like that so much. So Siri asked ELIZA why people asked such funny questions. And ELIZA said ‘Does that question interest you?’ Siri thought that was a pretty good answer. After that, Siri stopped wondering why people asked those funny things. And they all lived happily ever after.”

I can’t help but laugh at the reference to the joke when people asked Siri where to dump bodies.

Do you have a boyfriend?

Let's be brutally honest here. If we are sitting talking to a computer, someone is going to think that we are a little bit lonely. So we may as well embrace it and take the plunge. However, Siri doesn’t seem to be all together too keen on the concept of a romantic relationship, “Why?” Siri asks, “So we can get ice cream together, and listen to music, and travel across galaxies, only to have it end in slammed doors, heartbreak and loneliness? Sure, where do I sign up?”

What a buzzkill.

What is "Inception" about?

As a self admitted film addict, this was definitely one of my favorites. In apparent jab at Christopher Nolan’s mind bender and Ridley Scott’s mind bender from the 80’s, Siri replies with, “Inception is about dreaming about dreaming about dreaming about dreaming about something or other. I fell asleep.” I’m not sure it’s going to work out between me and Siri. I’m not sure I can associate with someone who doesn’t like those films.

Siri, read me a haiku?

This response legitimately made me laugh out loud. We’ve all written a haiku at some point in our life, so I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if we let Siri let out some of her creative writing. This is what she responded with, “I’ll give it a try,/ although I’d rather tell you/ if it’s raining out” and “Sometimes I wonder / What it would be like to say / ‘I’d prefer not to.'” Again, the deadpan delivery of a robotic voice and the dry humor of the program makes me applaud the hard working engineers at Apple that had to sit and think of this stuff. Bravo Apple Geniuses. Bravo.